# Don't know if this is a problem or not?



## Sandi Kerger (Mar 18, 2009)

Hi:

I am wondering if anyone else has this problem. Fipsy is now 9 1/2 months old. We got her when she was 7 1/2 months old. She has bonded to me to the point where she prefers being around me to anyone. She likes my husband, but will not even go for a walk with him without me being there. When my husband gets up in the morning, he feeds her and then she immediately goes back to the bedroom and wants to come back to bed with me. At night, if I am in my office,(I work at home) she will stay there with me, and won't go to my husband who will be watching tv in the next room. My husband tries to play with her lots, and gives her lots of attention. However, she would rather be with me most of the time. She likes him, but always wants to be with me.

When we go for walks, she is scared of other people and other dogs - is this the norm? I was surprised at this because she was with other dogs (i.e. at the breeders, they had other havanese dogs and also a big dog -a Baerd (don't know if I am spelling this right) before I got her. We also take her to an off leash park on the weekend, but she is very timid around the other dogs, even the small ones.

When people come to the house, and when they bring dogs, then she is okay in her own environment and she responds well to them.

She is a very good, very well behaved dog, but I am a little worried about this. I wish she would take to my husband more, I feel bad for him.

Does anyone else have this problem?


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## Petaluna (May 9, 2008)

I don't have my puppy yet, but I'm concerned the same thing could happen, since I work at home also and on the days my husband is here, he is usually in the upstairs room where he works, reads and meditates, we kinda live and work in separate parts of the house and are together a bit in the evenings. 

I've been watching a lot of "It's me or the Dog", with that British trainer, Victoria Stillwell, and I think for your husband she would suggest he be the one to always feed her, and also do some training with her (sit, stay, come, etc.) with treat rewards, and then when walking her if he could make it a fun thing with treats when she walks at his side nicely, talking to her in a happy voice, praising so she learns walking with him is a fun thing? That's my best guess, anyway. I'm sure you'll get more experienced advice. Probably she didn't do much leash walking before you got her, and not with a man on the other end. I've seen other postings here with similar situations, and the dog does eventually come around, but it sometimes takes some effort.

Not sure what to say about her confidence around other dogs. I think my yorkie was naturally a more submissive dog, she would sit and lower her head, allow herself to be smelled by other dogs, but she was not interested in them, which is partly my fault because I didn't socialize her enough around other dogs. Your dog grew up around other canines, so I wonder why she is still timid around other dogs. Of course, they are not dogs she knows. On those training programs, I've seen her work with fear-aggression toward other dogs by slowly desensitizing them to the presence of another dog, and walking together with other dogs seems to be part of that protocol, it somehow shows them the other dog is OK.


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## ama0722 (Nov 28, 2006)

Both of my Havanese immediately bonded with me first. I am usually the one to feed, groom, and train them. My husband got jealous and learned to interact with them more and do fun things with them. He also was home a lot more for awhile and he stole Dora  But now I am home more and stole her back. While they do probably have the stronger bond with me, they love their daddy too. So I would suggest when your husband is interacting with her, you ignore her. Also encourage your husband to do special games with her or have him only play with her with her special toy. Jim has taught each of the dogs a trick and that also really helped- any time Daddy has food and I don't, they forget who I am 

As to her being scared, the more you get her out and she has positive interactions with other dogs and people, the less she will be scared. Some Havs are more social than others, however you can help your dog become more social by taking her out all the time. Dogs know the dogs they live with which is completely different than meeting strange dogs on a walk. If you know people with well behaved dogs in your area, a playdate always helps. I was bad about not socializing Dash with big dogs as I didn't know any dogs that I felt safe letting him play with. So he is always a bit apprehensive at first but now he ha met a golden lab and that is his best friend... go figure!

Amanda


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## Havtahava (Aug 20, 2006)

Another thought on how she is reacting is that it sounds like she may be going through the time we call the "second fear stage." I make sure I don't pull back activities from my dogs at this point, and definitely do not baby them (no coddling, no soothing reassurance) when they react out of fear. I do limit their access to potentially frightening situations (avoiding new large dogs that I don't know, etc.) 

Instead, when something we've been doing triggers timidity or fear barking, I encourage them to go see whatever it is that is freaking them out and give them a treat for doing so. We have a fire hydrant on the side of our property that is always a trigger at this age, so my dogs get to go sniff the hydrant for a treat. I'm sure I look funny to the neighbors because I coax them like crazy to "go see" and when they finally get their nose to it, I praise & treat. LOL


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## trueblue (Jan 22, 2008)

My male shih tzu has a very similar problem. He's not fearful of anything, but is ALWAYS at my feet. When DH or the kids take him out for a potty break, he sits at the door waiting for me. I've never heard him bark, but he whimpers if I'm in bed and don't pick him up to put him in with me. All of the kids and DH have made a sincere effort to get him to play with them, but he's a hopeless mama's boy (which means I never get to sleep in...).


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## cjsud (Oct 26, 2008)

Hobbes is the same way with me. My DH can be playing with him but if I walk by Hobbes follows me and leaves the game. I can't tell you how many times I hear him say "go on run to mommy" But if I leave Hobbes will after about 1/2 hour bond with whoever is left.


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## Lina (Apr 26, 2007)

Leave them alone for at least a weekend. No, I'm not kidding. And obviously I know this may not work for you... if you can't go anywhere, that is. Kubrick to this day is much more bonded to me than DH, but after I went on vacation for 2 weeks (and left them alone) they were SO bonded by the time I got back, it was amazing the difference. He adores my husband now (though still prefers me) and doesn't mind being left alone with him to play, which is something that he really minded before this happened.

In most cases I have seen, Havs are one-person dogs. They do love their whole family, but seem to be more attached to one person than another. Of course this isn't true in all cases, but in general I think it is.

As far as her being afraid of dogs, I agree with Kimberly 100% on this. Make sure to keep taking her out and exposing her to new situations and to dogs and people so she can get over this fear. It might take a while, but she'll most likely come around.


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## HavaBaloo (Mar 24, 2009)

I could have written your post myself, and I totally understand where you are coming from and we are dealing with alot of these same situations.

We didn't get Baloo until he was 6.5 months and he is 7 now and he immediately bonded wtih me first, he follows me around everywhere, only wanted to go out with me, etc.

I must say that since he has adjusted to his new family and home he is getting better, but still hasn't bonded with my son and husband as much as with me or my daughter. I wondered if it might be because we are female and he was raised with a female breeder.

I think it has helped that I work, and when I am at work he is with my husband and son, so he has started warming up to them some. Perhaps you can arrange a daddy/doggie afternoon once or twice a week to give your dh time to bond without you in the house. Have him give treats, play with him, go for a walk etc.

Baloo still growls at new people and dogs, but usually once he sniffs the new person he is okay. All the dogs around our neighbourhood are big and he growls as soon as he sees them, so I don't know what he would do if he saw a smaller dog or socialized with them, so I have really got to find someone to do a doggie play date with to work with him on this aspect.

I too am anxious to see what advice everyone will have.

Cheers!


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## Carefulove (Mar 20, 2009)

I thought I read here (can't remember what thread) that Havaneses do this at first. They usually bond with their primary caregiver and in some way, neglect (or pay less attention) to the rest of the pack (family). But eventually they come around.

...Off to search...


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## baxterboy (Mar 17, 2009)

Yes, I can also relate. Very similar situation too: We got Baxter at 7 months and he is now 9 months. Just out of curiosity, do you know his background? I ask because I believe Baxter could have come from a puppy mill (but that's another thread) and some of his behaviors I believe are linked to his early experiences. He has never been shy around new people like you mentioned, but he is very much a velcro dog--and it's all about me. He likes dh, and my kids... will play with them (and he will go for walks with them) but like you, he will not 'hang' out with dh (or anyone else for that matter) if I'm there. 

For us, things have gotten better each day, so I guess my advice is to hang in there... He will probably always favor you, but I'm sure you will get to a point where your dh can walk him etc. One thing we did right off the bat, because my 9 year old was feeling kind of sad about it (we got Baxter for *her* after all)  was this: I stopped being the 'treat' giver. I only give him treats when I'm training, but we do quite a bit of it here and there throughout the day for fun. So.... I had Emma do the training. I had Emma put down his food bowl, and I had Emma take him out more and more. This coupled with the fact that I stopped giving him treats (we did this hard core for about a week, then eased up) and it really really helped him bond with her. He needed to see her as more of a caretaker, and it worked. 

Every day, Baxter trusts us more and more. He used to cower away ever so slightly when you reached down to pet him, and dh noticed yesterday that he no longer does this. Every day is another day that we get to earn his trust. I've explained to the kids that the more they do for him (and that includes taking him out when he rings the bell.... even if you don't have your shoes on at that moment..... even if you're right in the middle of playing........ even if he was just out 5 minutes ago, and you know he just wants to go out and putz around the yard) the more he will come to see them as his 'favorite'

Good luck--keep at it and be patient (but you've got to admit, it is pretty nice being his favorite isn't it?)


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## baxterboy (Mar 17, 2009)

Oh, I also wanted to add that I'm a big fan of Animal Planet's "It's me or the dog" and there was an episode where Victoria addressed this with a toy poodle. She did the thing with the treats and had great success. By the end of the week the husband was walking the dog and everything. This poodle also did the same thing on walks that you described.... scared, and would stop and freeze if something spooked her. I can't remember what she did to address that issue though! Sorry


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## lcy_pt (Aug 17, 2007)

Havtahava said:


> Another thought on how she is reacting is that it sounds like she may be going through the time we call the "second fear stage." I make sure I don't pull back activities from my dogs at this point, and definitely do not baby them (no coddling, no soothing reassurance) when they react out of fear. I do limit their access to potentially frightening situations (avoiding new large dogs that I don't know, etc.)
> 
> Instead, when something we've been doing triggers timidity or fear barking, I encourage them to go see whatever it is that is freaking them out and give them a treat for doing so. We have a fire hydrant on the side of our property that is always a trigger at this age, so my dogs get to go sniff the hydrant for a treat. I'm sure I look funny to the neighbors because I coax them like crazy to "go see" and when they finally get their nose to it, I praise & treat. LOL


Totally agree with this Kimberly...Harley & Seymour are just going through this now.....Seymour's biggest freak out is the big bad recycle bin and Harley's is any parked car along our walks. The treating without coddling does the trick I think.


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## maryam187 (Jul 18, 2007)

I too recommend leaving for a few days, it works wonders. If not possible, try to completely ignore your dog when your DH is around and let him be the only love/treat/food/caregiver. My DH and I worked hard on this, because I hated the idea of having a clingy and needy dog that will only accept me. DH fed him, trained him, played with him (even though Pablo wasn't into it at first) and also brushed him. Whenever DH was around, Pablo would become his dog only. You will see a difference in 1-2 weeks.


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## Sandi Kerger (Mar 18, 2009)

Well now I feel better, that I am not the only one. I feel so sorry for my husband, - he is the gentlest soul, and dogs usually prefer him to me. 

Will keep trying with her, She never came from a puppy mill, but from a very reputable breeder - I check this out before I got her, 

I have never heard her growl (I am wondering if she knows how to). She does bark at noises now - doorbell, etc.., which she didn't do at first.

And honestly, yes it is nice, that she loves me so much!

(But I want her to love my husband too - lol).

You know, you guys are the best for information and help. I am so glad I found this forum.

Sandi.


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## kudo2u (Mar 7, 2009)

Tango is the same with me. When I'm not home, she actually goes to her "safe place" under our bed (we actually have blankets and pillows set up just like she wants - it's like she has a little fort down there). She will come out for food, and if she hears the "treat" bag russle. But if it comes down to play time or even walks...forget it! DH can't even pet her. Until bed time. When it's bed time she's ALL ABOUT snuggling with him if I'm not home! ha

Tango was a breeding dog at a puppy mill, and had some pretty bad experiences before she came to live with me. In our case, Tango just seems to prefer females. I think men smell different than women. I am by no means quiet, timid, or overly gentle, or even feminine for that matter. But compared to DH, I'm like a Gazelle and he's like a Bull in a China Shop! ound:

He dosn't have a temper and doesn't yell, but he is VERY outgoing, and can be extremely unpredictable at times. He doesn't understand that it's frightening to the little dogs (he grew up with black labs - my pups are the first experience he's ever had with anything non-lab).

They will let him pet them when I'm around to "protect" them, but they don't trust him one bit! I keep telling DH that the dogs don't need trained, he does! I think he takes it as a joke, but I'm actually serious.... :brick:

Tango is very accepting of new people, but she really does prefer females. Anyway, that's my experience.


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

It sounds like you have gotten some really good advice and I hope you have read some things that might help you.

Quincy loves everyone in our family,but I do think he prefers me to all others. That being said,if I leave,he has to pick someone else and does just fine.

Don't worry---:hug: Your hubby will win her over,I'm sure!:wink:


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## marjrc (Jan 13, 2007)

Sandi, where do you live in Canada? Where is your dear Fipsy from? It all sounds pretty 'normal' behavior. The trick is not to reinforce it, but to praise when she isn't afraid or barking. 

Kimberly, I do the same you do, but call it "go say 'hi' ". Whenever I say that, they always go, tails a-waggin' and usually get rewarded, but aren't quite as fearful. 

Poor little Tango. Give her some gentle (((hugs))) from me.


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## Sandi Kerger (Mar 18, 2009)

I live in Western Canada - Saskatchewan and thank god Spring is finally here! Am so sick of the snow.

You know I left the house one day for about 3 1/2 hours - My husband was home and Fipsy sat at the front door for 1/2 hr and then she went downstairs with my husband, and he said she started the "moose" howl (you know, the real agonized one). He said he has never felt so sorry for a dog in his life! 

I will tell you, though, I have bonded to this little girl a lot too, We had 2 Cavaliers up to about 5 years ago (the female died of dementia and the male died shortly after that). Anyway, I did not think I would every get another dog again, but we have, and I can't imagine being without her now. She is just the best little dog. She has been here a couple of months, and she is sitting, fetching, speaking, sitting, shaking a paw and "hanging five" with us. She just learned to roll over and that took a couple of days, but I just think she is amazing. 

We are empty nesters and have no grandkids yet, so we had to get a dog to keep us company and I am sure glad we did.

Am sure glad to hear I am not the only one with a "velcro dog". I kept thinking I was doing something wrong.

Sandi.


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

Sandi,
I love the coloring on your Fipsy! Can you post so more pictures of her for me to drool over?Please?:hug:


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## marjrc (Jan 13, 2007)

You wrote this in the "does your hav sleep with you" thread, but thought I'd comment on it here, if that's o.k......

*"The only time we use our crate now is when we go out and I hate putting her in there.
I work from home, but I may be taking a part time job for 2 1/2 days a week. I would be close to home and could home at noon hour for her. I am wondering how stressful this is going to be, and should I put her in her crate when I am gone. Honestly, I am worrying myself silly about this, because she is so attached to me and I am worried that she will be so lost my herself. Sandi."*

If you are nervous or hate using the crate for Fipsy, she will no doubt pick up on that. We always treated Ricky when in the crate, fed him there the first few days we brought him home. It was his den, his haven. We had to crate him when we left, though we did have the kitchen gated and that was where he/we spent most of our days. When Ricky was almost 8 mths., we brought Sammy home (who was 7.5 mths.) and they were in crates facing each other in the kitchen. It wasn't long that we let them out of the crates, but still gated in the kitchen.

Thing is, we didn't have the housetraining down pat, so it was risky. With time, consistent training and lots of trips outdoors, we finally got it. 

I also just started to work part-time... well, it's been 15 mths. now and I work around the corner from my house, so would come in at 12:30-1:00 and stay 15 mins. I work alone in a store, so couldnt' stay away longer than that. It was just to let them out for a pee. If Ricky had been alone, as attached as he was, I don't think I would have even considered working. Silly, I know. People do it all the time!

So, Sandi, try to stay confident and always praise when you're using the crate. In fact, I'd use it just for training sake, maybe a couple of times during the day while you step out or go somewhere else in the house. Never let her out because she's howling. Wait until she's quite a min. or two, THEN let her out, praising her. Maybe she can have a special treat that is only given in the crate.

I realized I wasn't doing my dogs any favors by letting them be so dependent on me, so I've been going out for work, play or all kinds of reasons and letting others in the family (we have 3 teens) care for them. They are nowhere near as good a Havmom as I am, but they'll do ... the dogs don't mind them too much either. ound: Of course, I'll always be Ricky and Sammy's goddess.

One solution is to get another Hav!!!!! :biggrin1:


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## fibtaylo (Jan 14, 2009)

I had a terrible case of IWAP, so I got Macie. She really bonded to me and would cry when DH was holding her sometimes because she wanted to come to me. I felt so bad, that we decided to get her sister, Cali, 7 weeks later for my husband. Ha, the joke was on us. 

While both dogs love both of us, Cali is definately more attached to me and Macie is more attached to DH now. If I am petting Macie, Cali wants to be right there. If DH is petting Macie, then Cali does not really care. It is kind of funny, but it seems to be working. 

My kids are both young adults, so they are not around very much, but both puppies seem to like my daughter fine and neither of them is very comfortable with my son. Not sure why, because he really tries and gets hurt by the fact they won't come to him.

Guess this is why dogs are "mans" best friend and not "mens" best friend, lol.


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## Sandi Kerger (Mar 18, 2009)

Thank you so much for the good advice - I am going to start doing that with the crate, because I know if I don't and I do end up going to work part time it will become a problem.

Sandi


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## Sandi Kerger (Mar 18, 2009)

Here are some pics, before I got her cut -


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## Sandi Kerger (Mar 18, 2009)

Oops - how can you tell I don't know what I am doing - here are the pics. she has lost a lot of her grey color now that I have her cut shorter.


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## Sheri (Oct 11, 2008)

She was beautiful in her long coat. What does she look like now after her cut?


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## Sandi Kerger (Mar 18, 2009)

I think i posted these before - this is shortly after her cut, and I agree, I loved her long hair, and cutting it has definitely lightened it up. She is a sable and I am hoping she keeps some of her color.

The color in these pics is not that good - she is much brighter color in person.

Sandi


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## Sheri (Oct 11, 2008)

She's a still got a beautiful color! That is a nice cut, she looks like a soft puppy!


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## Sandi Kerger (Mar 18, 2009)

Thanks Sheri - I love your dog with his long coat. He is beautiful.

Sandi


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## marb42 (Oct 19, 2008)

Sandi, she's beautiful. I love her colors! I have the same problem with Marble. I am the one at home who was feeding and taking care of him since he came to us. My kids love him, and he loves them, but he will not go in their rooms or stay near them unless I close the door to keep him in there. Even then, he usually whimpers at the door. I do try this a few times a day just to try to get him used to being without me. They play with him, walk him, give him treats, and he even sleeps with my son each night. Since we don't have a second dog, both of my kids do RLH's with him every day. He gets so excited to see them when they get home, but he always comes right back to me and remains where I am. When I leave, he will wait right by the door, even if the kids are home. He has a lot of separation anxiety, even though he's 2 1/2, so I have to give him a bully stick or stuffed kong treat if I leave him with DH, or he will whine the whole time. At this point, I don't leave more than 2 1/2 hours (I had to start with one hour and increase it). 

The advice you got was great, and if you could leave for a weekend, she will probably bond more with your DH. Maybe you could have DH give her a treat each time you run errands or something, so she'll associate something good with you leaving. Good luck, and she sounds like such a sweetie!
Gina


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## Poornima (Jun 29, 2007)

Sandi, Fipsy is so beautiful. I love her sweet expression.

Benji and Lizzie though love my husband, they prefer me. They play with my DH, cuddle with him but they are my shadows. Even when he is around, they hang around me. I guess, the Havs though love their families, they tend to attach themselves to their caregiver the most. My DH (thankfully, is not jealous) often says that Benji and Lizzie are always *delighted *to see me when I return from an outing while they are glad to see him.


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## Carefulove (Mar 20, 2009)

She is gorgeous!


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## Sandi Kerger (Mar 18, 2009)

Thanks everyone for the kind words. - My husband wasn't jealous either, but I do think he was a little bit crushed, because he is a real dog person, and was surprised she did not prefer him as much as me. And you are all right, I am the one home with her all day, and he just comes home at night, so doesn't have as much time with her.

Aren't they just the sweetest little dogs? 

Sandi


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## marjrc (Jan 13, 2007)

Oh, Sandi ! Your little girl is beautiful ! Fipsy has such lovely coloring and in those last pics, looks like a young pup. Too sweet!


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

Fipsy is SO CUTE!!! *I love her coloring! *Thanks for the pictures! She is really a sweetie!


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