# Apparently they can take your kids..



## CapotesMom (Apr 3, 2007)

_My brother is being deployed to serve in Iraq. Well his ex wife swooped in yesterday and took custody of his son who is 3. They didn't know anything about it and she won custody because she's his mother and brian will be gone so technically there's noone better suited than either his mother or father and she hasn't been proven unfit. . _

_There's an amendment being passed that may prevent her from getting *permanent *custody of him when he gets back from iraq but apparently its still in the works and you know fast congress works :der: ....but there's no law that says she can't take custody of him while he's gone. _

_She's completely unfit. She hardly ever calls..she doesn't help out..she doesn't visit. Her mother is HORRIBLE..she's completely drugged up all the time...usually on heroin. And her mother is living close enough to care for Logan when his mother is gone. Atop that, she lives in washington state. My brother and all his family and everything that little boy knows is in Boston, so my family can't keep an eye on him._

_We're all..stunned. I just found out today.. my mom, dad, brother, and soon to be sister in law are in shock..they're trying to figure out how to get this reversed or stopped or at the *very* least make it so he gets custody when he comes back from iraq...and he leaves in 3 days. _

_This is the last thing he needs to be thinking about when he's over there serving us and getting shot at. _

_I'll keep you posted on that bill. They may need petitions to get it ammended and voted on. If so then I'll be hitting ALL of you lovely ladies (and gentlemen) up. _


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## SMARTY (Apr 19, 2007)

This is terrible. I will keep your family and brother in my prayers. Please keep us updated. This really puts things into prospective.


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

How sad......why wasn't she declared unfit before? Perhaps if that had been done,she couldn't of taken him? In this situation,the environment she is putting that little boy,sure sounds awful.. 

Hugs to you and your fanily,as your brother goes off and this little boy needs lots of prayers.....I'm sending him some.


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## Leeann (Feb 28, 2007)

Mindy has the ex left the state with your brothers son yet? I think MA has a law about leaving the state with a child if your brother even has partial custody right now.


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## CapotesMom (Apr 3, 2007)

there's nothing that proves her to be unfit. there's no solid proof to show that she's unfit. She'll have custody, not her mother even though the two kind of go hand in hand. The only proof we have as the family is what we've seen of her in the past atop of how she just..completely walked away from her baby 3 years ago and didn't look back. She's promiscuous..she's married to some new guy that's in the military with her..she parties all the time. Her idea of 'entertainment' for her child is to take him to the mall. Not the park, not an aquarium or something stimulating for a 3 year old, but to the mall. So what worries me is where he's going to be when she's at work or partying or generally not in the mood to take care of him..which happens a lot.


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## trueblue (Jan 22, 2008)

Custody cases are the worst. In 16 years of practice, I've never handled one for that reason. Judges are supposed to do what is in the best interest of the child, and to me, that should be regardless of blood relationships, but in reality, that's not how it works. 

God bless your brother. You're right, this is the last thing he should have to worry about while defending himself in Bush's war.

I'll sign any petition to help our young women and men in Iraq...the only thing I won't sign is something which would prolong their stay in this pointless war.


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## CapotesMom (Apr 3, 2007)

Leeann said:


> Mindy has the ex left the state with your brothers son yet? I think MA has a law about leaving the state with a child if your brother even has partial custody right now.


Because Brian is leaving to go to Iraq, the judge granted her permanent custody and they have another hearing set up for when he comes back as to who will get him then. But seeing as we can't prove her to be an unfit mother without a shadow of a doubt, what's to say she's not going to be able to keep him even after that?? That'll be 6 months from now...she'll say he's settled into his new environment and what judge is going to go against that?? He should have never been taken out of brians custody in the first place.. the military is making him go over there; it's not his choice.. why does he have to choose between his family and his duty??


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## Amy R. (Jul 1, 2007)

Mindy, I hope there is some legal recourse for you and your family. It doesn't sound possible that the ex can just swoop in and gain custody and take the child, without the rest of the family being noticed and allowed to make their case. I have worked as CASA (children's advocate) here in California, but I don't know the current law, or the law in your state. I would get yourselves a lawyer pronto and petition the court. All the best, and please keep us posted.


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## Leeann (Feb 28, 2007)

Mindy the same thing happened to my cousin when he left for Iraq. My Aunt and Uncle were so upset, they were more than willing and capable of taking care of their granddaughter while her dad was serving our country. When he came back he also fought to get her back and he won! Your brother has 3 solo years dedicated to his little boy, that counts for a lot hopefully the judge will see that. Please keep us updated my prayers are with you and your family. Also special prayers to your brother while he is away serving his country and for a safe return home.


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## trueblue (Jan 22, 2008)

Here's another thought...your family may have a good argument for abandonment...she hasn't seen him in 3 years???? Was she paying child support? Of course, I'm not familiar with the laws of your state, but I would definitely recommend finding a good lawyer if you haven't already.


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## CapotesMom (Apr 3, 2007)

Aparently this happens to a LOT of families. The serviceman gets deployed and the other parent can gain custody while he's gone; I was researching it last night and this has happened to THOUSANDS of servicemen and women.


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## CapotesMom (Apr 3, 2007)

Amy R. said:


> Mindy, I hope there is some legal recourse for you and your family. It doesn't sound possible that the ex can just swoop in and gain custody and take the child, without the rest of the family being noticed and allowed to make their case. I have worked as CASA (children's advocate) here in California, but I don't know the current law, or the law in your state. I would get yourselves a lawyer pronto and petition the court. All the best, and please keep us posted.


He has a really good lawyer. She did everything she could; threw down the past history, everything. This has never happened in this judges court so that judge was new in dealing with it as well as everyone else in the room. They had jag officers there that said there was nothing they could do. The colonal and commander over my brother were involved in it and she still got custody..parental rights overrule duty I guess..even if it's not in the best interest of the child. That's what the bill that's going through is supposed to prevent..so parents don't lose custody of their kids just because they're serving their country.


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## Jill in Mich (Feb 24, 2008)

Mindy,

I'm very sorry to hear your brother has to go through this. I recently heard a story on NPR about this issue and how many military parents/families are going through this. I had no idea this was going on. What a way to treat our military people who are risking their lives. Uprooting a 3 year old from everything he knows and saying it's "In the best interest of the child"? Sure doesn't make sense to me! I hope everything works out for your brother and nephew.


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## Amy R. (Jul 1, 2007)

OK, thanks for that further explanation, Mindy. I will def. sign your petition for the bill. And I wish you all the best. Surely you relatives can request some visitation rights so you can interact with and monitor the child, even if the child isn't nearby. And then report back to the judge and social worker (is there one involved? there should be) Sorry you got an idiot for a judge, which I'm sorry to say, is all too common.


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## havaluv (Oct 15, 2007)

Oh Mindy,
I don't have any suggestions or advice, but I will keep your family in my prayers. I had no idea this sort of thing was happening either. I'm so sorry. :hug:


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

There was talk of this on our local news,and a bill being passed. I know that doesn't help you now though.......


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## pjewel (Apr 11, 2007)

Oh Mindy,

How horrible for your brother and that little boy who is being buffeted around through no fault of his own. I can't even imagine the torment your brother must be feeling. To have this hanging over his head while he has to be on active duty is like a double whammy. My prayers are definitely with your family and I hope your brother gets his child back when he comes home.

God bless!


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## CapotesMom (Apr 3, 2007)

well this all comes atop the fact that he's about to have a new baby with his current fiance.. in less than a month and they're shipping him out 3 weeks before she's due.


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## luv3havs (Jul 27, 2007)

Mindy,
What a horrible situation. I read of another case like that and when the deployed parent returned, the judge wouldn't return the child's to the military parent, because he had adjusted to the new environment etc..
So tragic, when these people are serving their country and then come back and lose custody.
I hope the bill is passed soon and that there is some legal remedy in your brother's situation.
My prayers are with your family.


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## Missy (Nov 6, 2006)

Oh Mindy. My heart is breaking for your brother and his son, his fiance and baby to be, and for you. You would think we (as a nation) could do better for those risking their lives. I don't have much advise-- but I will certainly sign a petition that could help pass a law to help your brother and others in this situation.


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## EstrellaVila (Nov 30, 2007)

That is terrible! I can't believe she is taking advantage of the situation like that. He has a fiance, maybe if they right quick get married she can legally adopt/get custody the kid and they can have the custody without the ex getting in the way. I don't see why that wouldn't work. My prayers are with your family! There is no way our gov't should let her get away with this to a serviceman!


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## JanB (Oct 26, 2007)

Mindy, I am so sorry that this is even an issue for you and your family. The whole 'genetics trumps common sense' that is so common in our legal system causes so much heartache and damage to children and families.

I will keep all of you in my prayers, especially your brother and his son. And thank your brother for his service to our country! :hug:

If a bill is before Congress maybe we could all write or e-mail our congressman (or woman). I will look into it. If someone knows the bill's name or # it would help. I know it won't help your brother but maybe could save some other families in the future from this heartache.


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## Doggie Nut (Oct 20, 2006)

Yikes....Govt. red tape....never makes sense....hope it works out for LOGAN'S best!


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## Melissa Miller (Aug 2, 2006)

Thats awful. Maybe you can call some news stations or anyone and try to get a story. That helps with laws sometimes.


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## Missy (Nov 6, 2006)

Melissa, that is a great idea. Mindy let me see if I can come up with a name at the local Boston Fox station-- I know people there but not in the News dept. Let me do some research and I will PM you.


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## CapotesMom (Apr 3, 2007)

*Update!*

Ok so here's what transpired yesterday..

After scowering the internet the night before for the bill and amendment that we were talking about, I found it and sent it to my mother.

That's when she showed a side of herself that I didn't know existed..rofl. She wanted to know what happened to the bill and if it'd been passed through the congress or whatever so she started making calls. She called the commander, the jag officers, they gave her the number to the attorney general of Massachusetts who gave her the number to the white house. She called the white house and they told her that if a bill is placed on the presidents desk it has to be either signed or vetoed in 10 days. So she dug up who was in charge of getting the bill through and ended up calling some senator in missouri or something and talked to him. The bill and amendment were signed by the president on january 31st so it's been passed into law.

SOOO...Basically what the bill says is that she can take custody of him right now while he's going to be out of the country. But while she has him she has to do video visitations and my mom and dad are going to get grandparent visitations so they can take him back for like..a month during the summer.

When Brian comes back from Iraq, any custody assignments that were in place before he left for active duty HAVE to be reestablished. So when he comes back from Iraq, he gets Logan back...which is awesome.

She was supposed to take Logan for this summer anyways as part of the custody agreement. She aparently just wasted a lot of money to get 'permanant' custody of him for 6 months before brian gets back and she has to return him. eace:

This is the first thing Bush has done as a president in the past 7.5 years that I can say 'atta boy' on. lol..


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## Amy R. (Jul 1, 2007)

That is GREAT NEWS, Mindy. Your mom sounds like a pistol. Good for her!!!


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## havaluv (Oct 15, 2007)

What fantastic news! Way to go Mom! That's just awesome, I'm so relieved for you and your family. :whoo:


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