# Very Very shy 11 month old



## luchetel (Jan 15, 2007)

I am looking for some advice and experience.
Parler is 11 months old- he has been with us since he was 3 months old.
He is loving and sweet with our family- and has been a velcro puppy- first with dad who was home more then anyone else- but now with either dad or mom- and sometimes the kids- both teenagers who adore him.

BUt, Parker is the most shy dog I have ever had. I have taken him out with us to baseball games, to meet other people, to be with dogs etc. He will bark at a dog and pull on the leash to go towards them. But once he is near by, he usually hides behind our legs. The same for meeting anyone- I have tried everything. i have a freind who adores animals- he wont go near her! He shys away from her hand- My friend and I have sat on the floor together, she has offered him his favorite treat. He won't go near her. He is so unsociable - Any dog I ever had would lick anyone clean when I let them know it was a friend. And even when I didn't! We even took Parker to doggy daycare- he just ran away from all the dogs to the point that the other started chasing after him- his tail down and his body crouched to the ground.

Any suggestions of how to get Parker to be friendly? I must admit it makes me feel like I have been a bad mother-even though I know we give him lots and lots of attention and lots of hugs and kisses! And we have had him since he was 3 months old!

Signed,
Distressed mom of Parker :whoo:


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## whitBmom (Nov 27, 2006)

Lynn, I can relate to you. With Oreo he was always a little shy, and I do remember distinctly when I picked Oreo up he was trembling and not the happy-go-lucky pup as most have described here on this forum. Now, I got him in mid-January and during the most frigid weather, so getting him on out there to socialize with other dogs and people was very limited. So over time, I found he got more and more fearful of other dogs. He shys away from tall and large men, and it takes a few exposures for him to get comfortable. I even noticed that he would growl at children in the park. So I decided I had had enough and I began to take him out daily, no matter what. And I started off taking him to the park to watch my daughter and other children playing in the park. When he began growling, even if the kids were 20 ft away, I would correct him by doing the cesar bite and if he got out of hand I simply rolled him on his back until he calmed down - now, I am not any trainer and what I did was instinctual, I am not saying this is the way to do things. It only took about a week of going to the park and watching the kids, to get him to simply relax around them. Now he sees children or people and he won't say anything. He will only growl if he was startled or is nervous. My challenge is with other dogs, as he feels they are out to hurt him. I have enrolled him in doggie daycare, but they are working with me to introduce Oreo to the "regulars' that are well behaved, gradually. He so far has made friends with 3 dogs and he sticks with them. They do not just throw him in a large group and I would not stand for that. I am also working with a lady that works with the daycare and she is helping me one on one to introduce and expose Oreo to different types of dogs that are friendly and pretty tame. Today he met a Jack Russell, a Great Dane, a Schnauzer cross, and a German Sheppard. Not all at once, but one at a time. Oreo has a harder time with larger dogs, and he always is on the defense with them. 

Lynn, whatever you do don't give up or allow yourself to even consider the notion that Parker will never be social. It will feed his fears, and will not help him. I am finding that if I am very calm and open to Oreo, then he relaxes and he feels more confident. When I have raised my voice at my children, I can see Oreo will curl up and then shy away, so I am very careful now with my tone ,my feelings and my demeanor. Oreo is improving, and I am confident Parker will too. Have you considered talking to a qualified behaviourist that specializes in shy dogs? That would be a good option. Your Parker is not a dangerous dog, he just is shy and really he can be helped.


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## Havtahava (Aug 20, 2006)

Lynn, I'm only giving suggestions on very limited experience, so take it for what it's worth.

At his age, I would think that your best bet in changing things is to hire a dog behaviorist to work with Parker. They can have the best ideas on how to change what is happening with him. In addition, they can teach you how to expose him without babying him, sheltering, etc.

Secondly, after having a behaviorist work with him (under the assumption that it doesn't help), you may need to resolve that he just has a poor temperament. Poor temperaments come in the form of aggressiveness, extreme fears and/or even extreme timidity. In this breed, I think any of those three situations would mean that the dog has a poor temperament. Temperament of parents has the highest heritable percentage trait for offspring. Have you met both of Parker's parents? (This is why a timid, fearful or aggressive dog should never be bred.)

No matter what, I am hopeful that Parker is a late bloomer and that a professional will help pull his fabulous Havanese personality to the forefront.


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## ama0722 (Nov 28, 2006)

Lynn,
Kimberly gave you great advice. Dora is also naturally shy. Now mind you she has her canine good citizen and even therapy dog's certificate but she truly just doesn't like to be loved by other people all that much (so we dont do one on one therapy visits). I think she didn't get socialized enough as a puppy because she would rather hang out with the dogs. Tonight a friend wanted to run her in agility and Dora stayed with her because she had chicken in her hand and Dora loves agility!

There are lots of things you can do to help your dog become more social (I had people feed Dora on a grooming table at first and not even touch her), but I would agree that you mayhave to accept the dog's personality. My husband isn't social either so him and Dora do well together! I also say there is a lot of things you may overcome and make the best of. Dora will sit and let people pet her but she doesn't do what the maltese does and bark at them when they stop!

Make sure to read some books and I think a behaviorist rather than training would be most helpful to see what Parker's issues may be and find out how to go about adjusting those behaviors. Maybe it will just be that he doesn't get stressed in a crowd, etc. But it will help with his personality.

Good luck and keep us posted,
Amanda


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## whitBmom (Nov 27, 2006)

I agree with Amanda, the goal really is to be stress free and for Parker to feel comfortable. You know, as people not all of us are happy go lucky and it is the same with dogs. Some may be more social than others. The key is getting him to a comfort zone and working with that. A behaviourist is an excellent idea, as they can honestly assess what is happening with Parker, and will provide you with the proper technique and solutions to ease him into a nice comfortable place for him. Please keep us posted, and I wish you all the best.


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## DAJsMom (Oct 27, 2006)

I think everyone here has some good advice. 

Dusty is on the shy side although not as much as you describe with Parker. I've observed that the more people want to meet her, the less she wants to meet them. I tell people who are meeting her for the first time to try and scratch her chin rather than patting the top of her head. That's less intimidating. Food helps too, and allowing the dog to approach the person rather than the other way around. She has come a long way. She loves to meet kids, and has made some good buddies of several of our friends. When greeting strangers, she is braver when the person she is meeting doesn't make much effort to greet her first, but gives her time to sniff their feet. 
Our trainer also suggested having people who are meeting the dog drop treats on the ground (not trying to make the dog come get the treat). So the dog begins to notice that when a new person arrives, good things fall from the sky and the dog begins to associate meeting people with good things. 
Hope that helps and Parker improves!


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## luchetel (Jan 15, 2007)

Thank you all for your encouraging words. It is interesting to me Helen, that Oreo and Parker had the same presentation when we picked them up- Parker was not the happy bubbly little puppy I expected- he was trembling terribly- and I thought it was because it was a new situation and he was scared, and it was very cold out. I did not meet him before I picked him up- his personality was described to me on the telephone.
It turned out that this was the personality. I loathe to think of him as having a "bad" temperament, since he is such a lovable, sweet dog- and not having had a "pure bred" dog not to mention a Havanese, I did not know what the norm was. Kimberly, you need not worry about breeding, since Parker has been neutered. 
And he is our pet, and we love him anyway- but as with any other problem that anyone in our family might have, we do want to try to help him- and everyone is so right about Parker being anxious. (He is very anxious around new people- and I too try not to let people approach him with vigor since it is better for him to make the move. It is just that it takes soooo long for him to make the move that you practically have to live at my house for several days before he will, on his own, go to say hello. 
I have done training with him, but I think what he needs is an animal behaviorist as you have all suggested.(The irony of all of this is that I am a clinical social worker- though not a behavior therapist- and I work with adolescents! )
The other thing that I noticed is that Parker does prefer little children-I assume because they are "little" and less intimidating because of their size. Parker is on the large size for a Havanese- He is on the upper range of the acceptable AKC weight- and he is not fat- just bigger- a little over 15 pounds. 
If he was one of the adolescents that I work with I would do relaxation techniques and if they really got anxious before tests a small piece of Xanax. And by the way, there is a diagnosis for this in people-called Social Anxiety.
Nevertheless, when it is your baby, it just makes me sad to watch.
I am going to call my trainer to ask her for a referral.
I can't believe I am doing this.
Thanks to everyone- I need the support!
Lynn


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## whitBmom (Nov 27, 2006)

Lynn, don't give up. It is a journey, and for time being, don't worry too much about how long it takes him to make friends. As long as he is able to, then that is a great starting point. Look for all the good points and focus on that strictly for now. I found that that really helped me, to not get all impatient about Oreo's progress, and due to that, Oreo seemed to make even more rapid progress. Parker just simply needs to build his confidence, just like Oreo. A behaviourist can help you tremendously. Keep in touch and we are here for you


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## MaddiesMom (Apr 1, 2007)

Lynn- You're such a good Mommy to Parker, and it sounds as if he loves you very much. He's only 11 months old, so you have lots of time to build his confidence. Like Helen said, its a slow, slow progression, but it can be done. Many years ago, we had a German Shepherd that was sweet and loving to us, but wouldn't let a stranger approach without barking. We worked so hard with that dog. It took us over a year of constant little behavior changes, but eventually, she calmed down, built her confidence, and was accepting of strangers. I'm sure a professional would help. Just take his training one day at a time, and praise him like crazy for each little step. If he eventually makes friends with people who stay at your house for a few days, then he has the ability. Keep us informed!


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## Cosmosmom (Jan 12, 2007)

Every dog is different .It is interesting because when I got my first Havanese he was like the norm. He was outgoing happy playful we had some what I call puppy issues a little shy the first day in class and he hid under the chair . Eventually he got over it . He was very bright and smart and he was great with children did not have barking issues or acute shyness . I do not know if I was very lucky or if there have been signifigant changes in breeding in the past 5 years ..
I also got Asta sight unseen and I never had the opportunity to meet the parent so to say .. I was lucky to get a dog .. 
Cosmo the dog I have now is definetly more challenging . I hired a behaviourist when I was in the desert and it has worked wonders for both the dogs and for myself as well .
I had read a lot of books and watched Cesar tapes but believe me it is not until someone evualates you and your dogs and make a connection with you and the dogs that you trully make progress .
They have the tools they have the patience they are not with the dogs all the time so they are not frustrated and discouraged and disappointed .
It is the best money I ever spent . Do not be timid and shy or reluctant to share what is bothering you -be clear about what issues are bothering you . 
Every time she came I would bring up another topic . She always had a solution . She was great ..
I had dogs before and I thought I was fairly experienced .I never thought I would need a behaviourist . Things change and it was a wonderful experience for me..


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## ama0722 (Nov 28, 2006)

Lynn,
I am glad to see you look for help and don't think of it as bad temperment like being aggressive but as not preferred. I think you can shape behavior a lot though with training though. Dora has changed dramatically but it has been a lot of work. She is a total mommy and daddy's girl though. I kind of like that! I can have her offleash at the park (not counting the ducks), we train very well together, and she is my best buddy. There are lots of things you can do to help shape social behaviors. I would just recommend you do some reading and work with a behaviorist to make sure you don't push Parker too far and make the situation worse off.

On the note of Parker prefering children. I would work with that. Walk him near schools, etc. Take advantage of what he likes. There is a little girl at our training club who is quite smitten with Dora (she calls her Dora the Explorer!) and I quickly showed her how to lure Dora to heel with her. She keeps the treat in her hand and Dora walks with her and when she runs fast and Dora runs fast, she gives Dora a treat. Dora now gets excited when Laila comes into the club.

My maltese Isabelle absolutely loves my husband's office mate in grad school. He is from Taiwan and very short/petite and when she sees him she goes nuts. I think she really feels more comfortable because of how small he is. She is a little more scared around kids because they move so fast. She also knows they might not know where their feet are

Amanda


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## Havtahava (Aug 20, 2006)

Lynn, I didn't mean the part about breeding in regard to Parker, but to ask if you got to know his parents because it is possible that this is a trait he got from one of his parents.

At any rate, it sounds like you can still work with this. I totally second Amanda's advice to work with the parts where he is comfortable (small kids looks like a great opportunity) and build up from that.

You obviously care a lot for Parker. I have no idea how you respond to Parker, but sometimes we can accidentally encourage it. (Like the earlier discussion on scooping up your dogs when a big dog comes near can make the dogs think they are supposed to be afraid of big dogs.) That is one other reason I recommend working with a behaviorist - because they can also help to make sure you don't (accidently) encourage and reinforce his timidity. Does that make sense?

Hang in there. Try not to worry. (I know it is easier for me to say.) He's still young and you may find a solution really easy with some help.


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## Cosmosmom (Jan 12, 2007)

We had a shy dg in our puppy class . She was very sweet but she was also very shy and timid . Now this puppy class was very treat oriented so she got a lot of treats .. this did help she would not go up to people in the beginning and near the end she would come up to me looking for her special treat . 
Certain exercises the trainer did with her and her alone because of her shyness and she isolated her from the bigger dogs . She was allowed to play and socialize with the smaller dogs .. She was still shy when she graduated and we left the class but she had made terrific progress .. 
I say be patient try and expose her any way you can in a gentle positive way .. A little treat now and again never hurts either 
These dogs progress at their own rate .. Cosmo is doing so well right now he goes right up to the construction workers for a pat .. and yep sometimes a hug as well . 
Six monts ago all he would do was bark. Hang in there ..


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