# need a friend



## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

I had a really bad week. My SOB Boy friend took Maddie to a groomer. I have spend so much money on grooming supplies Dryers, Tables , Combs, Brushes, Shampoos and conditioners. So many hours combing out mats washing buts ect ect ect
My baby has lost her skunk look on her back end now all I see is her you know what it is the same AH my boy friend is. They shaved her nose and around her eyes saying she wont have a tearing problem. ( she didn't have a problem:frusty Her bangs that I have been growing out for a long time after I did my first practice cut are only about 1/2 inch long. Her paws are pressey and pointed. Not fluffy and wide. The last time I felt this way was when my ex Husband tore out my flower garden because he thought it looked too messy. Needles to say I was gone and done out the door to my Mothers with my two babys.
My friends say don't sweat the small stuff. They are not my friends anymore.  Is their anyone out their who understands how I feel?


----------



## The Fussy Puppy Gang (May 21, 2007)

What was he thinking? Was he trying to make life easier for you by taking Maddie in? Was this supposed to be a nice surprise (in his mind)?

I can only say I feel for you. I would have a fit if my DH took Pepper to a groomer and had everything cut down without us talking about it first. 

I guess the bottom line is, was your boyfriend trying to do something nice for you and just really missed the mark, or was he being deliberately spiteful? Sometimes guys think they're doing something great and they have no idea how off target they might be. I think we're all capable of that kind of mistake. If he did it to piss you off well, that's a deal breaker in my book.

Maddie's hair will grow back, maybe not exactly the same color/markings, but it will return. Your trust in your boyfriend might not be so readily restored.

Give her plenty of hugs and loving - cause I think you need some of that from her, too.


----------



## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

Sorry you're going through a rough time. Men are a bad lot. LOL. Keep in mind Suzi, your dogs are not bothered by this.


----------



## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

The Fussy Puppy Gang said:


> What was he thinking? Was he trying to make life easier for you by taking Maddie in? Was this supposed to be a nice surprise (in his mind)?
> 
> I can only say I feel for you. I would have a fit if my DH took Pepper to a groomer and had everything cut down without us talking about it first.
> 
> ...


 Thanks :ear: He is a control freak he knew it would upset me because it is the second time he has done this. Yep time for this one to move on.


----------



## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

davetgabby said:


> Sorry you're going through a rough time. Men are a bad lot. LOL. Keep in mind Suzi, your dogs are not bothered by this.


 Thanks Dave. I'm worried the hair around her eyes is going to bother her when it starts growing back. It is almost to the skin.


----------



## Lizzie'sMom (Oct 13, 2010)

Suzi said:


> Thanks Dave. I'm worried the hair around her eyes is going to bother her when it starts growing back. It is almost to the skin.


I am so sorry, Suzi. Just so you know Lizzie had her nose shaved and the hair around her eyes cut and it has grown back without bothering her. You might have to chap stick it a bit when it gets longer. Again, I am sorry about your situation.


----------



## Hav Mom (Dec 29, 2010)

Hi Suzi. I am so sorry that happened. I think sometimes people think they are helping without really thinking it all out. I had Candy clipped short when she had her first surgery so it wouldn't look so funny with her leg all shaved. The picture in my avatar is her after her hair grew back. It came back as beautiful as before. It didn't take as long as I originally thought it would, either. When the full coat is what you like, it's difficult to see them any other way. When I had Candy clipped this time, it was almost harder for me than her surgery. Hugs. :grouphug:


----------



## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

Suzi said:


> Thanks Dave. I'm worried the hair around her eyes is going to bother her when it starts growing back. It is almost to the skin.


 You're a typical mom Suzi, not sure about this, grooming issues are not my strength. LOL


----------



## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

Lizzie'sMom said:


> I am so sorry, Suzi. Just so you know Lizzie had her nose shaved and the hair around her eyes cut and it has grown back without bothering her. You might have to chap stick it a bit when it gets longer. Again, I am sorry about your situation.


 Thanks, I'm glad it wont be too bad while it grows back. BTW I have used your chap stick trick for her bangs before Yep it is a heck of a lot more than just the hair cut.


----------



## Kathie (Jul 31, 2008)

Lynne, I was thinking the same thing - chapstick! But hopefully she won't have a problem with it. It sounds like they did a poodle cut on her! That happened once to my peke-a-poo who did not have dainty poodle feet and it looked pretty ridiculous - I was furious! But, as Dave said, it doesn't bother the dogs!

I know things weren't going well with you two so that was just plain mean. Sounds like this control freak has got to GO! You don't need this, Suzi.


----------



## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

Hav Mom said:


> Hi Suzi. I am so sorry that happened. I think sometimes people think they are helping without really thinking it all out. I had Candy clipped short when she had her first surgery so it wouldn't look so funny with her leg all shaved. The picture in my avatar is her after her hair grew back. It came back as beautiful as before. It didn't take as long as I originally thought it would, either. When the full coat is what you like, it's difficult to see them any other way. When I had Candy clipped this time, it was almost harder for me than her surgery. Hugs. :grouphug:


 Thanks for understanding. I'm sorry Candy had to have two surgery's. I think I felt more like he is saying I don't do a good enough job. I have been spending over 10 hr a week grooming because of their coat change. Not funny but he had it done on thursday and she is full of mats again today.


----------



## inlovewithhav (Feb 18, 2011)

Oh Suzi so sorry to hear this, DH and I would have had a come to Jesus talk if he would have done that with kipper. He has said kipper needs a cut before and I asked him if he was the one grooming him- when he said no I told him that I guess that meant he didn't have a say-lol hasn't said a thing since.


----------



## heatherk (Feb 24, 2011)

Oh my, I would be beyond furious. I was furious (and cried as well) when Cey's sitter cut his topknot off - I can't even IMAGINE coming home to what you came home too!! So sorry he did that!


----------



## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

inlovewithhav said:


> Oh Suzi so sorry to hear this, DH and I would have had a come to Jesus talk if he would have done that with kipper. He has said kipper needs a cut before and I asked him if he was the one grooming him- when he said no I told him that I guess that meant he didn't have a say-lol hasn't said a thing since.


 my first response when he said he took her because I hadn't given her a bath was I have all the stuff why didn't you give her one. And a bath is way different then a full groom.:frusty: Your DH respects you or at least now know to keep his mouth closed


----------



## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

heatherk said:


> Oh my, I would be beyond furious. I was furious (and cried as well) when Cey's sitter cut his topknot off - I can't even IMAGINE coming home to what you came home too!! So sorry he did that!


 I hear you! I cried and cried while Maddie licked my tears. It really has so much more to it then the lack of respect. He says Maddie is his dog and if I move out I cant have her I'm feeling so bullied I might have to dog nap her


----------



## Luciledodd (Sep 5, 2009)

I am so glad that I am to old for the dating boyfriend thing. But I have never been a victim either. Anyone that bothered me or my dog would be looking at his clothes and other posessions a blaze in the yard. By the way that is why they are called MEN is a synonym for AH. Cheer up we will love you.


----------



## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

Luciledodd said:


> I am so glad that I am to old for the dating boyfriend thing. But I have never been a victim either. Anyone that bothered me or my dog would be looking at his clothes and other posessions a blaze in the yard. By the way that is why they are called MEN is a synonym for AH. Cheer up we will love you.


ound:ound:ound:


----------



## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

Luciledodd said:


> I am so glad that I am to old for the dating boyfriend thing. But I have never been a victim either. Anyone that bothered me or my dog would be looking at his clothes and other posessions a blaze in the yard. By the way that is why they are called MEN is a synonym for AH. Cheer up we will love you.


 The problem is its his yard. I have been eye balling your guest house ! wish my family had one.


----------



## earfax (Mar 24, 2008)

So sorry

I think that was so wrong of him!!!!! but at least the hair will grow back.

sending happy vibes your way!!!!


----------



## whimsy (Apr 3, 2010)

OMG!!!I'd kick his ass.


----------



## HavaneseSoon (Nov 4, 2008)

:hug: ((((Hugs Suzi))))


----------



## Jplatthy (Jan 16, 2011)

Sorry to hear that happened to Maddie......I cried when the groomer cut Smokey's black tips off lol.....but we ALL have an idea of how we want our babies to look and it upsets us someone messes with them......the scarier part is the potential custody battle........does Maddie really belong to him????


----------



## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

Jplatthy said:


> Sorry to hear that happened to Maddie......I cried when the groomer cut Smokey's black tips off lol.....but we ALL have an idea of how we want our babies to look and it upsets us someone messes with them......the scarier part is the potential custody battle........does Maddie really belong to him????


 He thinks so. She was a gift to me. I put the down payment.


----------



## HavaneseSoon (Nov 4, 2008)

Who has fed, groomed, trained and loved Maddie the most? My guess, would be you!


----------



## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

HavaneseSoon said:


> Who has fed, groomed, trained and loved Maddie the most? My guess, would be you!


 yep, all the x pins, toys ect too!


----------



## Luciledodd (Sep 5, 2009)

Let me get this straight, you put a payment down and then he gave the rest as a gift to you? What part of gift does he not understand. And don't stay in a "bad" situation because you thnk you don't have somewhere to go. There are shelters all over the US. We can't tell from the other side of the computer screen if you are in a "bad" situation or not. But it is entirely possible that he being a MAN thought he was doing a good thing.


----------



## Sivi (Jun 1, 2010)

Suzi
You know in your heart when it is time to leave, and if you do, then do not wait another day to do so. Do not waste your time on a man that shows you no respect. We all make mistakes, but we should not hurt one another on purpose. This is not about a hair cut!
I will keep you in my prayers.


----------



## DonnaC (Jul 31, 2011)

As a legal matter, a "gift" belongs to you.


----------



## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

(((HUGS)))) I'm so sorry you are going through this Suzi. I hope that he will be a MAN and give you the GIFT he GAVE you! sheesh! MEN!
I am so sorry about Maddie's hair... that is absolutly horrid that he would do that to YOU knowing how hard you have worked to keep grow her out!


----------



## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

Thanks I just need to find a job so I can afford to move.


----------



## motherslittlehelper (Mar 18, 2010)

Oh, Suzi, I am so sorry about your situation. :hug:


----------



## Luciledodd (Sep 5, 2009)

How long have you been with this man?


----------



## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

Luciledodd said:


> How long have you been with this man?


 3 and 1/2 years. He tells me to move out everyday. My job ends the first of November I'm hoping to move after that. I feel like I'm having to start all over. The only job offer I have gotten is target for $8.50 hr and that is just a Christmas job. Been thinking of moving over to central Oregon. I found a guest house for rent in Redmond Or on a horse ranch and applied for a care giver position. The job doesn't pay well and is only 3 days a week but their seems to be a few part time care giving jobs close by. The rent is about $200 less a mo than here. I would love to live over there. although that area is a really depressed economy.
He would be a really bad parent to Maddie. He does love her but he is gone a bunch and Zoe and Maddie really play a lot. I think it would brake my heart.


----------



## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

What an awful situation, you shouldn't have to endure this cruel behavior and he probably won't stop because he thinks you are stuck with him financially and so therefore have to put up with his crap. Whatever you do, do not marry this man, it will only get worse..start getting your ducks in a row to leave, do you have any friends or family that can help you for a few months til you get on your feet?

Kara


----------



## DonnaC (Jul 31, 2011)

Suzi:

You need to get a lawyer. How close are you to Eugene? The law school, I'm sure, has a clinic. Or, you can find a lawyer who will represent you pro bono. I am worried you will give up too much. If the dog was a gift, he CANNOT keep her. There may be other things in the household that you are entitled to, as well.

And, to be blunt, I'm worried that this sort of financial/emotional abuse could escalate. I don't know you at all, but I just feel as though it would be wrong not to advise you to explore your resources -- family, friends, etc. -- and try to get out. Wait for a good time and TAKE WHAT IS YOURS. You can get a temporary restraining order, with help, to protect it.

Message me if you want some help finding a clinic or something in your area.


----------



## Cindi (Sep 5, 2011)

Suzi,
So very sorry you have to go thru this. Don't know if it means a hill of beans, but who signed the contract with the breeder at purchase and who is listed as owner on your AKC registration? Maybe we have some legal eagles here who would know if that might matter.


----------



## The Laughing Magpie (Aug 20, 2009)

Suzy, You need to take a deep breath, pause, take stock of your life, picture where you want to be and who you want in your life in the coming years. You need to provide the basic's for you and your pets, this is a place to live, food for the future (I already know you have the love). Ask yourself...be honest...is your situation so unbearable you never want to see this person again, can it not be saved, or are you just going through a bad patch. Sometimes we forget to be nice to our spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend yet this is the person we have chose to spend our days with, why do we take each other for granted and why do we hurt each other so much!!! Words spoken harshly can never be taken back and can fuel mean actions. Everyone should try to be a little kinder to the people they live with. I feel very upset to hear you are feeling hurt/unappreciated. I would feel worse if you walked out the door with no plan and nowhere to go.

The one thing I will tell is if you did get in a legel battle of sorts you would need to show you could properly care for your pets, in courts he who has the means and track record wins. Courts are very harsh places, some types of legel situations leave no room for emotions and in most states pets are a form of property.

I know this is not what you want to hear....but I do care and I want you to think things over carefully and with a eye toward your future. Hugs


----------



## bellapico (Nov 29, 2009)

Suzi said:


> 3 and 1/2 years. He tells me to move out everyday. My job ends the first of November I'm hoping to move after that. I feel like I'm having to start all over. The only job offer I have gotten is target for $8.50 hr and that is just a Christmas job. Been thinking of moving over to central Oregon. I found a guest house for rent in Redmond Or on a horse ranch and applied for a care giver position. The job doesn't pay well and is only 3 days a week but their seems to be a few part time care giving jobs close by. The rent is about $200 less a mo than here. I would love to live over there. although that area is a really depressed economy.
> He would be a really bad parent to Maddie. He does love her but he is gone a bunch and Zoe and Maddie really play a lot. I think it would brake my heart.


Hi Suzi, please take a deep breathe and look at your partner and make a decision if this person is adding value to your life and vice versa. No one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself. I dont think anyone of us can tell you what to do but remember that their are many social services center available to women.

In terms of finding a job, I work in Human Resources and I am more than happy to help you with your resume and also do some interview practice and things of that nature. I can review your job search strategy and maybe help look at other option etc. I am happy to help you so please send me pm if you are interested. I think you a wonderfully strong and resillient lady and you have many friends here.


----------



## tcollins (May 1, 2011)

Oh Suzi, I am so sorry for what you are going through. You do have friends here-lots of them! You are one of my favorite people to read posts from and have given me great advice! I will pray for you right now and keep praying. You need to get out of that situation. I agree with the others. It is not about a haircut, it is about the way you are treated and it doesn't sound good. Men are not AH in general-there are alot of wonderful men out there and YOU DESERVE TO FIND ONE OF THEM! As far as the dogs go, I would talk to an attorney. Does your boyfriend even want them? It sounds like he doesn't care all that much?! And if he's telling you to move out, take him up on it! I hope since you first posted, someone has been able to point you to a shelter or something in your area. Don't take abuse, Suzi. Don't do it. It will hurt way more in the longrun. I hope you are feeling better, but most importantly, I hope you take care of yourself. 
And remember...you have friends here- a whole gigantic network of us
And we are praying for you.


----------



## HavaneseSoon (Nov 4, 2008)

:grouphug: I am thinking of you today.


----------



## Momo means Peach (Jun 7, 2011)

I know you'll do what's right for you and your babies. Take care, Suzi.


----------



## Carefulove (Mar 20, 2009)

I am sorry Suzi


----------



## pjewel (Apr 11, 2007)

There are so many factors at play here. I would also suggest that you wait a few days, till the heat of the moment passes. You have to know what options you have before acting precipitously. Suzi, only you can know what you want for your future and just what this relationship means to you. 

The ownership of Maddie also has to be defined if you want her with you (and I know you do). Did he ever put in writing (in any form) that Maddie was a gift to you? You're dealing with some very difficult and frightening, life changing issues here. Get some advice if you can, before taking a step you might regret.

Most importantly, know your worth as a loving human being. It sounds like he's playing on some self esteem issues you might have. 

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know how it can consume you. We're all here if you have to vent . . . or cry . . . or be surrounded by prayer.


----------

