# Need some advice on balancing life with a new pup



## LexisMom (Sep 8, 2008)

We have a 21 week old Havanese named Lexi. She's a great little dog. She's potty trained and knows basic commands already - sit, down, etc.

The problem is that my husband (who loves her and helps out with the training too), is extremely busy with work, and we have a few out of town weddings coming up. It's getting to be a headache figuring out what to do with her... for instance we have an out of town wedding this coming Thursday through Sunday. Lexi was just spayed the day before yesterday, so we don't know what to do with her - it seems like to much trouble to hand her over to a friend for 4 days when she is still needing extra post-op attention (plus all of my friends work and wouldn't be home with her to feed/let out). I should also mention that she has separation anxiety that we are working on, but it's a long road to getting better. The hotel allows pets, but then one of us would need to stay in the room or get a dog sitter if we leave her. So, that would be 4 days in a hotel room. Basically I'm hoping others have gone through this puppy phase and have some advice... like it gets better/easier as they get older.

I guess I'm frustrating my husband because he has never had a dog and didn't realize they would be so much work. He loves spending time with her, but thinks I'm letting the world revolve around her. We have busy lives (as you all do too I'm sure). Any tips on how you have found a balance?


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## RikiDaisyDixie (Apr 15, 2008)

*yes, these guys are velcro dogs*

These dogs are more attached than most, they are a companion breed.

I know this doesn't help you at this moment, but after working with an at-home trainer on separation, she finally told me...Linda, dogs are pack animals. They do better in groups...and a group is at least two.

I have two dogs, they are 10 months apart. They love and adore each other...ask Joe on this list. Riki and Daisy are okay when I am gone for a few hours at a time.

Hopefully you can find someone in your area who also has a havanese or loves them as much as you do. My dogs would not do well in a kennel, they are too sensitive to the noise. They poop in their crates at the groomers which is why I do it at home.

My husband and I have taken separate vacations a couple of times. We also have a friend who has a havanese and takes them. She is the only one who knows how to groom them properly and spends enough time with them. There is a Havananny in Southern California, and she specializes in the breed.

Daisy was very grouchy after her spay for only a day. Then the trick was keeping her from jumping around much. I sent Riki to my friend Kellys for the week to keep them from playing and her getting hurt.

They are sort of like my little kids. I have had to make some changes in my life for them, but I was warned ahead of time that they don't do too well alone. Is there anyone on the forum who knows of good at-home doggy sitters in your area? These usually work out better.

Good luck. And remember, they give back a million times more than what they require...


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## RikiDaisyDixie (Apr 15, 2008)

*Lexi's mom*

Havananny is in Orange County. Please PM me and I'll give you her information. I think your situation is solved.


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## DanielBMe (Nov 25, 2007)

Unfortunately having a dog does require somewhat a change in lifestyle. If you frequently have to go out of town for more than a night, then you really have no choice but to get a friend involved or a kennel. Dogs are not cats, especially Havanese. They do require attention. I have mixed feelings on getting a second dog. The reaosn being if you go out of town, then it's that much harder to find someone to take 2 dogs as opposed to one. Yes they keep each other company throughout the day, but it still doesn't mean you can leave them alone for long periods of time frequently. I have two and trust me when I come home from work, they are extremely excited and definitely want my attention and to play with me. Actually I have't really found it any different having two instead of one when it comes to demanding my time.


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## RikiDaisyDixie (Apr 15, 2008)

*two dogs*

Ah yes you are right about two requiring as much attention. That is why hubbie and I take separate vacations. In some ways though I win as I don't have to visit relatives...lol!

I have two for each other...for the hours I am away so they don't suffer anxiety of being alone. I do know that they probably sleep the whole time I am gone. What is really funny is that they don't even come out of the bedroom when my husband comes home when I am not at home, unless he calls them. They only come rushing the door when I come home. So they are sort of true velcro dogs.

Now when I am home, they run excitedly to the door when Perry or Alana comes home, or anyone else for that matter. They feel better with their alpha near them.

I have emailed you Havananny's information on private message...hope you can work things out with her. She is amazing.


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## LexisMom (Sep 8, 2008)

Thanks for the advice and Havananny info. I know there need to be adjustments made - I actually work from home and spend lots of time with her... which may add to the separation anxiety when I do have to leave. We don't go out of town a ton, but especially with her previously not having all of her shots, and now just having been spayed it's been tough to figure out what to do - I'd rather postpone the trip, but it's a wedding, so the date is out of my control! 

Thanks though for tips and advice, they really do help! I'm prepared to give her the love an attention that she needs, but want to make sure that I'm reasonably able to handle the rest of my obligations/life


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## RikiDaisyDixie (Apr 15, 2008)

*life happens!*

When I started acting more alpha, the dogs also were less anxious.

I ignore them when I first get home. Then once I am settled in, I acknowledge them. We eat first, then they eat. Once I was established as alpha, and not Riki, he worried less. If he is alpha and I am gone, he as pack leader worries.

I am pack leader, it is okay to go "off" hunting food! LOL

I am firm but very loving. I especially have to do this now with our new big dog behind us who barks all the time. Riki cannot go out there and bark. We just "talked" about that. He was down there barking...and Riki and I were up on the patio looking at him but calm.

I hope you can come to the October 18 fun day for SCHC and we can all meet. Your dog is adorable. I know you are a wonderful owner and will enjoy the many benefits of these dear dogs as I have. Lexie is so adorable!

Puppyhood goes by so fast! We didn't have Daisy altered until she was seven months. I had no idea she would have her first cycle so incredibly young. Now the boy dogs leave her alone...something she hated when she was little. We used to go to a class of all havanese, and some of the boys were not altered. She didn't like the attention at all!


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## LexisMom (Sep 8, 2008)

Thanks for the "more alpha" advice for the SA. We've actually been working on "demoting" Lexi - no sitting on the couch with us, no toys without sitting or downing, she has to sit down before going outside, etc... basically just establishing myself as the alpha. 

But according to our trainer there are some dogs who become "shadows" to the alpha dog, and he thinks that is our problem. She pretty much follows me around and waits for me to plan her day, what she plays with and when, and doesn't know how to function when I am not there to tell her what to do. He said that she has such an eager-to-please personality that her life begins when I get home and gets put on hold when I leave until I get back. We're working on putting her in her safe room (bathroom with a baby gate where she stays if we leave the house for work/errands) while we are home and throwing the occassional treat in... she isn't even interested in the treats, she just wants to be out of the room. It doesn't matter if it is 5 minutes or 1 hour, she cries, whines, throws herself against the gate and tries to chew her way out. It's not the room either, because she will go in and out freely during the day when we are home. I know it's a matter of time and discipline but it's a long road!

Thanks again for any and all advice!


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## Scooter's Family (May 23, 2008)

LexisMom said:


> We're working on putting her in her safe room (bathroom with a baby gate where she stays if we leave the house for work/errands) while we are home and throwing the occassional treat in... she isn't even interested in the treats, she just wants to be out of the room. It doesn't matter if it is 5 minutes or 1 hour, she cries, whines, throws herself against the gate and tries to chew her way out. It's not the room either, because she will go in and out freely during the day when we are home. I know it's a matter of time and discipline but it's a long road!
> 
> Thanks again for any and all advice!


We tried that too, we have 3 gates for sale! ound: Scooter just doesn't like to be without us. He seems to do better if he's in his crate when someone isn't around, I guess he feels safe in there. We tried putting him in the laundry room and he learned to jump even the highest gate we have. I wish you good luck with training, it's heartbreaking when they're whining for you and you can't go to them.


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## boo2352 (Dec 18, 2006)

MacGyver's like Scooter - his crate is fine for sleeping or when we go out, but no good if anyone's home and about -- he has to be with us(or at least know he can). We take him to day care regularly to play with other dogs, which he loves, and which gives us a chance to get out, run errands, etc. He boards at the same place, so he plays all day with his buddies, then spends the night. He's always excited when he gets there, and the staff is wonderful.


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

I've travelled with my hav and I've also left her with sitters on our family vacation. I would never put her in a kennel, she would utterly depressed and needs alot of attention.

She did really well in the hotel, in fact, we just went to Hav nationals last month and she would be fine when we went to dinner (just sleep at the door waiting for us). I agree, they do need a bit of attention and don't particularly like being alone, however, I wouldn't get a 2nd dog on that reason solely. 

I think you could find a great dog sitter, call some local breeders and see if they know of anyone near you if the ones above don't pan out.


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## gelbergirl (Jun 9, 2007)

21 weeks old is rather young. 

Please ask other dog-owners to watch your hav for you while you go away. Other hav-owners especially. Most will jump at the chance.

You'd be surprised what people will do to help you out. And they'll treat your hav like a most welcome guest. I got so much help from people. And yes, i did have a few people paid to watch Henry and they were still the best. One couple he stayed with had 3 shelties who Henry loved running around with, and he slept in bed with the couple, all for $30, what a deal!


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## ama0722 (Nov 28, 2006)

I think you are going to find most of us here, non dog people wouldn't call us balanced at all!

What works best for me for my sanity is to just pay someone to stay at my house. We have always had a sitter come in who just stays at the house and takes care of the dogs. One we had would leave for classes but she was only gone like 4 hours a day. She stayed in our bed where the dog's sleep. She was a student so she got out of the house and we paid her like $60 a night. It worked great!!!

I would definitely look into another hav person if possible or at least someone with toy dogs. If you have anyone who you do playdates with, etc. I would consider my dog staying with someone I trust but I just like them having access to their stuff, their routine, etc. It can be stressful on them as well.

I would never board my pups either. I went to one place that had all the cameras and stuff and I had a headache from barking dogs in 10 mins, I can't imagine my pups being around that 24/7 while we are gone.


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## Missy (Nov 6, 2006)

If the weddings in Boston she can stay with us!!!! see a lot of people would be dying to take a hav puppy for a few days. 

All kidding aside, putting "your team" in place is the hardest thing (petsitters, boarders, groomers, trainers, vets.) We had a pet sitter who we brought Jasper to from when he was a puppy-- we would take him one day a week to get used to it and playing with other dogs and then when we left for vacation he was used to it... and that worked great for about a year --but then she got more and more dogs and was less fussy about who they were and some of them did not play well with others, and we found she was penning Jasper a lot-- because the other dogs were bigger and aggressive-- if we wanted him penned we could of left him at home. Jasper started whimpering (like the kennel- let me outta here whimper) on the way to her house so we knew something was wrong. We now are working towards someone staying in our house when we go away (that's when we don't plan vacations we can take them with us.) I think that is the best scenario all around. It's just finding someone you feel comfortable with
and you get a house sitter to boot. 

The amount of time they can spend alone does get better. My boys are fine for an 8 hour day alone, one day a week. I work from home 2 days and I'm in and out and the other two days we have the petsitter come in and spend a 1/2 hour with them at about 2pm. 

good luck-- keep us posted and post pictures Lexi is adorable.


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## jabellar (Jul 9, 2008)

3 words... DOGGY DAY CARE! 

We take him to "D is for Doggy" in NYC, 1-3 times a week, where he spends the day with dogs his size/age. There is a human playing with the dogs through the day, and we get to watch him on doggy cam! They also offer boarding, which we've taken advantage of a few times - - Castro loves the place, he gets all excited when we walk on the same block! 

When we have a late evening planned, we make sure to tire him out during the day, and put him in his kennel right before we leave; he's normally fast asleep when we get home. 

It was a very big adjustment when we got Castro; but the love we get back from him makes it soooo worth it!


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## LexisMom (Sep 8, 2008)

Thank you ALL for these great suggestions and advice for what has (and hasn't) worked for you! I am feeling much more confident that we are going to make it through this new puppy adjustment just fine!

A HUGE thank you to RikiDaisy, because I called Havananny last night and she is AMAZING! I can learn so much from her... plus she has 2 sweet girl havs that Lexi can play with and stay with while we go to this wedding this week. It really is the perfect solution since we have to go out of town.

I totally appreciate what you mention Missy about putting your team in place. I love our vet, and I have a Doggy Day Care that I like, but don't necessarily want to board her there, so now that I have someplace that I'm comfortable leaving her that just leaves a groomer (I've been grooming her myself, but her coat is getting a little long for me to handle all of the time).

I appreciate all of the input and caring posts from this forum! I've gotten PMs with information to read about separation anxiety and that has been wonderful too. We have some great new techniques to try. It's great to have a place with so many people so dedicated to the best interests of their pets and willing to share their advice with newbies.


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## Missy (Nov 6, 2006)

Why don't we have a HAVANANNY here in MA? that sounds perfect.


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## KristinFusco (Jun 5, 2007)

Missy said:


> If the weddings in Boston she can stay with us!!!! see a lot of people would be dying to take a hav puppy for a few days.
> 
> All kidding aside, putting "your team" in place is the hardest thing (petsitters, boarders, groomers, trainers, vets.) We had a pet sitter who we brought Jasper to from when he was a puppy-- we would take him one day a week to get used to it and playing with other dogs and then when we left for vacation he was used to it... and that worked great for about a year --but then she got more and more dogs and was less fussy about who they were and some of them did not play well with others, and we found she was penning Jasper a lot-- because the other dogs were bigger and aggressive-- if we wanted him penned we could of left him at home. Jasper started whimpering (like the kennel- let me outta here whimper) on the way to her house so we knew something was wrong. We now are working towards someone staying in our house when we go away (that's when we don't plan vacations we can take them with us.) I think that is the best scenario all around. It's just finding someone you feel comfortable with
> and you get a house sitter to boot.
> ...


Missy that is a fantastic idea! I would also like other forum Hav owners to know that if they are in Philadelphia for an event and want to bring their Havs with them to the city but not leave them in a hotel, we would be happy to be "Havsitters" for free . My boys love company!


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## Brady's mom (Dec 1, 2006)

Kristin, you know your boys are always welcome at my house! Can they come soon. Don't you want to go away without them? I would happily babysit any of the havs from our forum as well.

Lexi's mom, I just want you to know that we had a bit of a tough adjustment period with Brady. We were so in love with him from day 1, but he certainly did cramp our lifestyle. We are in our 30's with no kids, so a dog added a lot of new responsibility to our lives. It was hard for the first few months. We feel very strongly about not leaving Brady alone for more than 4 hours or so (it is just what works for us), and we were even worse about that when he was a puppy. We spent a lot more time at home than we were used to. We also used to take off last minute and go out of town for a night or two. Clearly, that does not happen anymore. It took a few months, but we are totally used to it and wouldn't have things any other way. My DH and I always joke that Brady cramps our style, but it is all worth it.


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## Redorr (Feb 2, 2008)

Itis all quite a challenge. I also work from home, and spoiled Lola when she was a puppy, as I was so focused on potty training, that I never let her out of my sight. Now she is velcro extreme. I have been working on SA for months. I have gotten her to not bark when I am gone - a huge obstacle as the neighbors complained to the condo board. Now she is till pooping or peeing right after I leave. I can deal as she does it on my concrete floors, but I don't know how to get her to stop. HOpefully further SA work. 

However, the true blessing has been that I have a dog walker take her every day for 2 hours. And she stays at the walker's house with her and her goldendoodle when I go away. They love her and vice versa. The dog walker is interested in training, so she continues my work with Lola. If you can find a person like that - I met her at the dog park - it may be the best thing to hit 2 birds with one stone - daily socialization may help the SA and someone you trust to take her when you have to leave town. I also have the luck of a neighbor who loves Lola and will stop by and visit with her or take her to his house if I am out for a long evening. She adores him and can't wait to hang out at his house - I think it is because he has a shag rug on his kitchen floor and she finds all sorts of goodies in it!

It is all part of that support system to put in place. I never thought I would spend this much time or money on a dog, but I love this kid! I am single and need the full range of doggie infrastructure!


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## LexisMom (Sep 8, 2008)

Thanks Karen. It's good to hear that others have made the adjustment and worked out having a puppy/dog as well as having a life. We definitely stay in a lot more, but we are pretty happy to do so for the most part. We are also in our 30s (well I turn 30 this December, yikes) with no kids, so the responsibility and time commitment has been an eye-opener for us! I mean, we knew that she'd be work and time and dedication, but we didn't realize quite how much until she came home with us! Luckily it is very rewarding and I wouldn't trade her for the world. Totally true - cramps our style a little, but is worth it!


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## Esperanita (Jul 12, 2008)

LexisMom said:


> Thanks Karen. It's good to hear that others have made the adjustment and worked out having a puppy/dog as well as having a life. We definitely stay in a lot more, but we are pretty happy to do so for the most part. We are also in our 30s (well I turn 30 this December, yikes) with no kids, so the responsibility and time commitment has been an eye-opener for us! I mean, we knew that she'd be work and time and dedication, but we didn't realize quite how much until she came home with us! Luckily it is very rewarding and I wouldn't trade her for the world. Totally true - cramps our style a little, but is worth it!


I am still learning to adjust. I got Cuba in July. I have to get back into mygym routine and start riding on weekends again. For me, Cuba is a good reason not to do these things, but sometimes I think I use him more as an excuse not to go to the gym than he really needs me 

Anyway, I am hoping day care and age will help.


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## Scooter's Family (May 23, 2008)

Scooter has been my gym "excuse" too!  I just don't like to leave him in the puppy jail if I don't have to! I do walk him but the loop I do is about 3 miles and he tires out before that so I should be going to the gym as well. We readily admit that we stay home more and it's because of him, we don't like to leave him and we love playing with him in the evenings. 

I wish we had a Havananny around here!


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## Scooter's Family (May 23, 2008)

Esperanita said:


> I am still learning to adjust. I got Cuba in July. I have to get back into mygym routine and start riding on weekends again. For me, Cuba is a good reason not to do these things, but sometimes I think I use him more as an excuse not to go to the gym than he really needs me
> 
> Anyway, I am hoping day care and age will help.


I'm not far from you so if you find a good dogsitter - Havananny - will you share please??? I will if I find someone!


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## LexisMom (Sep 8, 2008)

Oh my gosh! I'm so glad that I'm not nearly the only person who uses their pup as an excuse not to go to the gym. And I am totally guilty of telling myself that since we go for 2-3 walks a day that "counts!" I can't even fool myself with that one 

We got Lexi in July as well, and I have been such a lazy lump. I hate to leave her for the gym.


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## Esperanita (Jul 12, 2008)

Scooter's Family said:


> I'm not far from you so if you find a good dogsitter - Havananny - will you share please??? I will if I find someone!


Most definitely! I'm surprised at how expensive things are around here from $18 for 20 minutes for the dog walker to $45 for a groom. I'm okay with the grooming because I found a place that will do a mini groom for $20 and I kind of like Cuba longer anyway, but the dog sitting gets me...


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## Scooter's Family (May 23, 2008)

Esperanita said:


> Most definitely! I'm surprised at how expensive things are around here from $18 for 20 minutes for the dog walker to $45 for a groom. I'm okay with the grooming because I found a place that will do mini groom for #20 nd I kid of like Cuba longer anyway, but the dog sitting gets me...


Wow, glad we don't need a dog walker, that's what my kids are for! ound: Our groomer charges $50 for a scissor cut and around $20-$25 for a mini groom. I don't know any dogsitters but we did board Scooter with our vet for an overnight and he did fine.


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