# Too Much Attention



## radar_jones (May 6, 2007)

Hi All. Just wondering with everyone's busy lifestyle and the things that we are always doing for ourselves and work and family life do we find the time to dedicate to our Hav's. 

I know that they are our family but when you come home from work if you have a significant other at home with the little hav how much time do you put aside to play with them, train them and just basically just let them be by themselves to lounge around and take evening naps? 

Can you give a Hav too much attention....yeah I know dumb question but with the matter of separation anxiety and all that I can see a Hav getting over-attached and developing a fixation of sorts with their human families to the point where being alone for even an hour seems like agony for them and them freak out when you get home. 

Radar won't even eat until we get home he's so distraught when we get home he goes completely mental.....:jaw: 

I think that the separation anxiety is a valid issue because it happens when we leave but sometimes it seems like it's a caused reaction to when we leave the house. If too much attention is given wouldn't the Hav get overly-attached or is that a natural puppy thing? I know they are basically like infants so I can see the attachment thing but to the point of not eating, well thats crazy talk..... 

I think that Radar will probably outgrow his anxiety. He really goes nuts when I get hiome from work as well but I make him lay down before I pick him up. He gets the idea and then he gets picked up for Hav Kisses.

Derek


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

The anxiety does get better. How old is Radar now? Gucci used to get SO excited to see me when I would come home after a few hours she would have little Pee pee accidents while trying to greet my (while I was trying to get her to "sit"!) But she is starting to know that I WILL come home and will sleep by the door.

I don't think there is "too much attention" you can give them  She gets ALOT of attention from me, especially during the summer months I take OFF work for the most part and stay home with her.

Even though I have a big family, I'm alone alot...and its just me and her on many days, I like it that way! It is much better than me just being alone.

Kara


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## radar_jones (May 6, 2007)

Radar will be five months on the 08th of August. He's still very sad when we leave the house sometimes and like I mentioned, will not touch his food although that could be something entirely different. I'm sure he will outgrow it and I'm always glad to hear about the many Hav's who have outgrown the separation anxiety thing.

Thanks

Derek


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## Jan D (Mar 13, 2007)

Havee is pretty independent at times. He usually follows us around the house, but also will stay in the other room for quite a while playing on his own. 

I'm glad for this since I work 3 days a week and need to leave him. He's 6 mos now and has settled down with his crazy greetings when we come in the door. Make sure you're not making a big deal of leaving and returning. We just say see you later, we'll be right back.

He's ALWAYS willing to go outside and play with us though, even if his eyes are closed and pretending to sleep!


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## littlebuddy (May 30, 2007)

well,i have been dealing with separati anxiety since april, and we are on the mend, but boy, was it tough. and yes, i do believe you can give your dog too much attention. hugs and kisses are something they should want not expect. i learned this thru my research on SA. for a day or two, give him 15 minutes of lovin each hour, and no more. i know, it's very very hard but you will see a change in your dog almost immediately. with my pup it helped him learn to relax on his own, entertain himself, etc. and not rely on me for everything thus creating separation anxiety. the more confident a dog is, the less they are to feel anxious when you leave because they know they can take care of themselves while you are gone. training is key as well, anything, do sessions all day if you can. also, with SA, have a key word you use whenever you leave the house, use it all the time whether your taking the trash out or leaving. he will associate this word with you leaving and coming home. it takes time, but you must work on it and it does get better. our pup is confined to the kitchen, i believe dogs prefered smaller spaces especially if they are small. sometimes our homes are just too overwhelming for them.


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## littlebuddy (May 30, 2007)

oh and another thing, when you come home, don't make a big deal about it. if your dog barks and jumps, ignor him until he stops once he stopes then give him lots of hugs. he will learn that he gets lovin when he is quiet and not noisy. agian,harder for us humans but it helps our pups in the long run


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## ama0722 (Nov 28, 2006)

Derek,
My dogs don't usually eat when we aren't home. I think it goes back to their ingrained pack behavior. They eat with the family. I really try to not make a big fuss about coming home either. Dora is pretty easy going in nature but Belle is and can be a monster. She developed behaviors of jumping up and biting you when you were putting on shoes and getting ready. She would get really really upset. We werent making a big deal out of leaving but she knew. She also would bolt out the front door as soon as you opened it. She wouldn't run off but she wouldnt obey her house command. So what I found worked the best, is have her exhausted before I leave the house. We just went on really long morning walks. I am not a morning person either! About 3 mornings a week, we did 2 miles and she was too tired to jump and bite anymore. Now, we haven't been going so long but my husband has summers off where he works at home a lot. They still are insanely excited when I come home and yes, it makes me feel loved but I really give at least 15 minutes of time- change, put away stuff before I say hello... hard to do but good pay offs!

As to the evenings, they have lots of my attention but then we probably train an hour each night! At about 9pm, I let them settle down and get ready for bed and they will let you know if you are staying up too late!

Amanda


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## radar_jones (May 6, 2007)

Yeah My Wife tells me I'm teasing Radar when I come home and ignore him when I just wait until he quits all the jumping and then I pick him up or wait until he's calmed down at least a bit. I even get him to sit before I give him food sometimes so he learns. 

My Wife is not so eager to do this as she is always telling me " He's Puppy he should be allowed to.....Insert Phrase Here". I'm the "Bad Cop" most of the time anyway. My Wife couldn't care less about enforcing some of the rules that Radar should have. She always has her hands in his mouth and he bites down on her fingers although gently. He's gotten rough with her a few times but she corrects him, and I'm even surprised she does that.

I tell her that he can't be doing that becasue he's young and he'll learn bad behaviour. I think she doesn't really understand it until the negative effects of the behaviour fully come out in him and she'll wonder why he's doing it and stand there scratching her head wondering why is my puppy doing this meanwhile he's fully grown now and can bite alot harder and is now somewhat stuck in his ways and will be much harder to "Re-Train" later on. Oh well wait until he bites a small child and then My Wife wonders why he did it. It'll be a bitter pill to swallow.

Derek


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## marbenv (May 31, 2007)

After only three days Oscar is crying when we leave the room and when I put him in his expen to rest and going crazy when we come back. Should I be correcting him already? One book I read said to give the pup a week to get acclimated first. Is that right? I don't want to spoil him either. Also we don't have much room in our bedroom, so the first two nights he slept in his ex-pen (made smaller for night) and we took turns sleeping on the floor next to him because he cried when he was alone. Then I read a book that said the dog should sleep in your bedroom because of the pack thing, in a crate, so that he knows he is with you. So last night I put him in a plastic crate and tried to get him settled down and he went totally crazy--really seemed panicky. He had never been in a crate before. I had left it out and open the past two days to see if he would get used to it, but obviously he didn't. So we ended up back in the ex-pen and sleeping on ght floor by him again and he did fine. Is that spoiling him?? And when can we both sleep in the bed again without him going crazy?? Does he really need to be in our bedroom?? I just don't know what to do!!!:frusty: 

Marsha


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## Rita (Jan 1, 2007)

Derek,

MDH does the same thing with Houston. Then when I am the bad cop and say no biting Houston lies down and gives me dirty looks. 

We have not dealt with separation anxiety. TG. But I think it helped because I learned previously on this forum not to make a big fuss either when I leave or come back. I think that helped a lot.


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## radar_jones (May 6, 2007)

Well Radar has gotten the idea on a few things when I see him. He will sit for me before I walk over the ex-pen gate to see him and to bring his food. I make him wait until I put it down and then he gets to eat. I also take my shoes off before I greet him. He gets all pissy and impatient sometimes when I do this becaue he wants the attention "NOW" and I won't carter to that. I wait until he sits infront of me before "I" pick him up or show any affection. 

Derek


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## Suuske747 (May 9, 2007)

radar_jones said:


> Hi All. Just wondering with everyone's busy lifestyle and the things that we are always doing for ourselves and work and family life do we find the time to dedicate to our Hav's.
> 
> I know that they are our family but when you come home from work if you have a significant other at home with the little hav how much time do you put aside to play with them, train them and just basically just let them be by themselves to lounge around and take evening naps?
> 
> Derek


Well........if my significant other comes home......he'll still be wearing his jacket and outdoor shoes but already be rolling around on the carpet with Sierra.....then I'll be greeted....hihihihi

Sierra has come first now hihihihihi with him AND with me hahahahahaha


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## radar_jones (May 6, 2007)

My Wife aways says that after I get home from work. I'll greet Radar and then start doing something for him and then she'll say.....Hey Where's My Kiss......Oooooops......:biggrin1: 

Derek


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

marbenv said:


> After only three days Oscar is crying when we leave the room and when I put him in his expen to rest and going crazy when we come back. Should I be correcting him already? One book I read said to give the pup a week to get acclimated first. Is that right? I don't want to spoil him either. Also we don't have much room in our bedroom, so the first two nights he slept in his ex-pen (made smaller for night) and we took turns sleeping on the floor next to him because he cried when he was alone. Then I read a book that said the dog should sleep in your bedroom because of the pack thing, in a crate, so that he knows he is with you. So last night I put him in a plastic crate and tried to get him settled down and he went totally crazy--really seemed panicky. He had never been in a crate before. I had left it out and open the past two days to see if he would get used to it, but obviously he didn't. So we ended up back in the ex-pen and sleeping on ght floor by him again and he did fine. Is that spoiling him?? And when can we both sleep in the bed again without him going crazy?? Does he really need to be in our bedroom?? I just don't know what to do!!!:frusty:
> 
> Marsha


Hi Marsha,

Is the crate elevated to where he can see you? If not, you can try placing it on the nightstand, or I bought a small folding table and put it right next to my bed. However, I didn't end up using the crate. My husband said to let her lay in bed with us the first night (YAY!) and that was the end of the crate, she has slept in bed with us ever since.

It sounds like you should come up with a plan and stick to it. You can either opt to keep the xpen in your room, use the crate..or it sounds like he's working his way into the bed, lol..because I know if I was sleeping on the floor...that would get real old, *REAL* fast! You are going to have to decide what to do, and just stick to your guns on it, if he whimpers (and doesnt' need to go out to potty) You will just have to ignore it, until he goes to sleep.

I read about 487548 books on crate training and that is what they all said, they will cry at first, but don't cave in.

My husband really shocked me by suggesting that Gucci sleep in bed with us! But that is what works for us, everyone is different. If she ever needed to go potty at night, she would just lick my face (or his). I don't think we could convince her to sleep anywhere else if we tried! She stole our hearts, and our bed! haha.

Let us know how it goes! I really have heard that putting the crate where they can see you helps tremendously.

hugs,
Kara


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

radar_jones said:


> My Wife aways says that after I get home from work. I'll greet Radar and then start doing something for him and then she'll say.....Hey Where's My Kiss......Oooooops......:biggrin1:
> 
> Derek


*Crazy DOG MAN*!!!!ound: ound: ound: ound: ound:

Kara


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## marbenv (May 31, 2007)

Thanks, Kara for the advice. We're going to have to stop sleeping on the floor sooner or later or have some chiropractic bill!! I THINK tonight we're going to let him cry:drama: I'll let you know how it goes!

By the way--my daughter's name is Kara.

Marsha


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## irnfit (Nov 21, 2006)

I was all for having them sleep in the crate, but my husband gave in. On night 3 with Kodi, and that was only the first night he whined. On night one with Shelby, because we were in a hotel and she kept jumping out of the sherpa bag. Now he says we really need to get a king bed.


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## Sunnygirl (Jun 1, 2007)

We just took Nico camping for 4 nights, and he had constant attention (human and canine) for the whole trip. This morning he was downstairs in his ex pen while I got ready for work and he was crying. Normally he might let out a whine or two to try to get some attention, but he does not cry when left alone. So while I'm not sure you can give them too much attention, I think you can give them too much if it's not going to be consistent. I'm sure Nico is confused about why today isn't like the last few days.


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## marbenv (May 31, 2007)

Last night we went to bed when he was asleep. He woke us up at 2 AM and cried and yelped for 15 minutes. My husband felt sorry for him, so got up and laid on the floor by him after taking him out to pee. He went right back to sleep and didn't wake up until I got up at 8.
So we went out and bought a small wire crate and he's napping in that right now--it's in his ex-pen. Tonight we are going to take him and the crate into our room when we go to bed and hopefully when he wakes up (if he does) he'll see us and go back to sleep. The nights we slept by his ex-pen on the floor he didn't cry at all. We'll see what happens!! My hubby is adamant about no dogs IN the bed----bedROOM is okay! Me--I would have had him in the bed the first night. The ladies at Wal-Mart love him!

Marsha


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## JASHavanese (Apr 24, 2007)

radar_jones said:


> Can you give a Hav too much attention....yeah I know dumb question but with the matter of separation anxiety and all that I can see a Hav getting over-attached and developing a fixation of sorts with their human families to the point where being alone for even an hour seems like agony for them and them freak out when you get home.
> Derek


I don't think you can give a dog too much attention but it's what kind of attention you give them. I had a pom for almost 16 years before I got my havs and she was with me all day at work where everyone poured attention on her and she could be left alone without problems. Have you seen the NILF website? NILF stands for nothing in life is free and can make a huge difference in your dog. You can google NILF to read it. It's really simple so many think it's silly, but oh does it help. I can tell when I'm training owners to train their dogs if they've practiced it and the ones that have the least problems and are the best learners are the ones on it. 
It really helps if breeders crate train puppies before they come to you also so that they're used to it and don't keep you up at night.


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## JASHavanese (Apr 24, 2007)

marbenv said:


> Thanks, Kara for the advice. We're going to have to stop sleeping on the floor sooner or later or have some chiropractic bill!! I THINK tonight we're going to let him cry:drama: I'll let you know how it goes!
> 
> By the way--my daughter's name is Kara.
> 
> Marsha


What about putting a small crate with him in it between your pillows on the bed?


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

marbenv said:


> Last night we went to bed when he was asleep. He woke us up at 2 AM and cried and yelped for 15 minutes. My husband felt sorry for him, so got up and laid on the floor by him after taking him out to pee. He went right back to sleep and didn't wake up until I got up at 8.
> So we went out and bought a small wire crate and he's napping in that right now--it's in his ex-pen. Tonight we are going to take him and the crate into our room when we go to bed and hopefully when he wakes up (if he does) he'll see us and go back to sleep. The nights we slept by his ex-pen on the floor he didn't cry at all. We'll see what happens!! My hubby is adamant about no dogs IN the bed----bedROOM is okay! Me--I would have had him in the bed the first night. The ladies at Wal-Mart love him!
> 
> Marsha


I really hope this works, Marsha. Don't give up yet if the first few nights are rough. I think that HIM being able to see you when he wakes up will reassure him. And some puppies do wake up for the first few months to go potty because their bladders are still growing. The only reason I have problems with mine going in the middle of the night is because *I* have to wake up and go...and she follows me! lol, so I say "what the heck, I'll take her out and buy myself an hour in the morning".

I thought my husband was adamant about no dogs in the bed, too..but once he laid eyes on her, it was all over. Hubby was in love!

I LOVE your daughter's name!  hehe. When I was younger I didn't like my name because so many people mispronounced it...but it really doesn't bother me now. I like that it is a little different. Why did you pick the name "Kara"? I'm just curious. 

Kara


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## Cosmosmom (Jan 12, 2007)

I think the wire crates are better than the plastic crates. They enable the dog to see more and they seem to relax as they feel they have a little more contol when they can see you.. . Cosmo had a plastic crate when he was shipped to me but I never used it after that ,, He did not like it . He was fine in a wire crate after a day or two . 
Now both dogs are both comfortable in their crate to nap and spend the night .. . 
There are older posts about seperation anxiety that you might want to look up - they have a lot of good advice as well .. .
The one thing that I see is that I think your expectations are very high for these little guys . As my friend Donna would say these are just Babies .. !!! They are still very young .. Give them some time and have patience ..
Not to say that they cannot be trained but they do need some time to mature learn and to trust and they need attention and positive reinforcement especially if you are at work all day .. 
. It is fine to ignore them for a brief time when you first come home but they do need to be greeted and acknowledged ... I always had them in the crate of behind puppy gates . I did not make a big deal when I came and left . Leah the trainer taught me to stand and wait until they were calm . If they did not calm down walk away - eventually they will wonder hey what happened here Mom came and left and - Come back Mom so then he will calm down . Then go back greet them praise them and say Hello .. 
 Cosmo was a challenge - it took a lot of time and patience and yes outside help so do not be afraid to ask for it .. 
Another thing that worries me is their socialization - ?Are your little guys being socialized and meeting other dogs and getting out in the world so they know that they is something besides Mom and Dad .. It is so important you do this when they are young .. 
One thing I read stuck with me is that they will not be puppies like this for long so try and enjoy it while you can .


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## marbenv (May 31, 2007)

Kara,

My best friend in high school was named Karen. My middle name is Ann, so she was named Kara Ann--sounds similar to Karen. You're right about the mispronunciation, she got that a lot! I'll let you know how tonight goes!

Marsha


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## marbenv (May 31, 2007)

Jan,

If it doesn't work on the dresser by me, we'll try it between the pillows--maybe, he says!! Thanks everybody for the suggestions. I think you're right, Cosmosmom. We should enjoy this puppy stage--just like human babies, it's over way too fast. 

Marsha


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## marbenv (May 31, 2007)

IT WORKED!!!!

Oscar slept through the night in the crate by our bed. He fussed for about one minute and settled down and slept all night. He woke me at 6, I took him out to pee, but him back in as we weren't ready to get up yet. He fussed again for just a little bit, went back to sleep and woke up at 8, which was great!! Hope we get a repeat performance tonight. 

Thanks everbody for all the encouragement and great ideas.

Marsha


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