# parenting college age children



## Lizzie'sMom (Oct 13, 2010)

I am sitting here just feeling so helpless. My DD called and was crying about a situation at her sorority house. Evidently, she was written up for having alcohol in the house. She called me yesterday all upset that someone had cleaned out the refrigerator and threw out 3 bottles of Kombucha she had just purchased. It is a fermented tea drink that tastes kind of like apple cider vinegar. The health food store put the bottles in a cardboard drink carrier that was for a brand of hard cider. She put that in the fridge. Tonight after chapter meeting someone said she was going to be put on social probation. She talked to one girl who mentioned the alcohol. She called me frantic about it and unable to sleep. I told her to find one of the Executive Council girls and talk to them. Evidently, they still have it as evidence. I didn't think about having her talk to the house mother, although, she does not really have anything to do with the politics.

I feel so bad. She is already stressed out about classes and everyone is asking her to drive them somewhere, to pick someone up, or to use her car. Use of her car by anyone other than her is forbidden by us. She doesn't have time to be a taxi service and is tired of telling people no everyday and them thinking she is being b*****.

I am waiting for her to call back. It just breaks your heart when your child is away and crying that she wishes I were there.


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## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

oh my gosh, how heartbreaking. 
I will be praying for your sweet daughter! It seems just yesterday I was at college. It is so hard to be away from our moms at any time of our life, but especially during such a difficult time... I hope everything works out and that she doesn't get in any serious trouble. Couldn't they just OPEN the bottles and discover that it wasn't alcohol?


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## Lizzie'sMom (Oct 13, 2010)

That would have been the logical thing to do. She found out who wrote her up and even asked her if she read the bottle and she said no. Now, she has to go in front of the Standards committee and plead her case. She is going to go back to Foods For Living and buy more Kombucha and request the same carrier and show them what it is. Hopefully, they have it. The girl took a picture and threw the bottles out.


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## krandall (Jun 11, 2009)

Awww, it's tough. i have two in college, one living away from home. You want to be able to give them a hug. Could she get a letter from the health food store explaining what happened?



Lizzie'sMom said:


> I am sitting here just feeling so helpless. My DD called and was crying about a situation at her sorority house. Evidently, she was written up for having alcohol in the house. She called me yesterday all upset that someone had cleaned out the refrigerator and threw out 3 bottles of Kombucha she had just purchased. It is a fermented tea drink that tastes kind of like apple cider vinegar. The health food store put the bottles in a cardboard drink carrier that was for a brand of hard cider. She put that in the fridge. Tonight after chapter meeting someone said she was going to be put on social probation. She talked to one girl who mentioned the alcohol. She called me frantic about it and unable to sleep. I told her to find one of the Executive Council girls and talk to them. Evidently, they still have it as evidence. I didn't think about having her talk to the house mother, although, she does not really have anything to do with the politics.
> 
> I feel so bad. She is already stressed out about classes and everyone is asking her to drive them somewhere, to pick someone up, or to use her car. Use of her car by anyone other than her is forbidden by us. She doesn't have time to be a taxi service and is tired of telling people no everyday and them thinking she is being b*****.
> 
> I am waiting for her to call back. It just breaks your heart when your child is away and crying that she wishes I were there.


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## motherslittlehelper (Mar 18, 2010)

krandall said:


> Awww, it's tough. i have two in college, one living away from home. You want to be able to give them a hug. Could she get a letter from the health food store explaining what happened?


That was my thought as well - getting a letter from the health food store. So she is guilty until she proves her innocence because someone who didn't know what it was jumped to the wrong conclusion? Hopefully, it will be resolved soon. Being the only one with a car can sometimes be more of a pain than it is convenient. I had one at college for a time; I distinctly remember what you are talking about. I'm sure it is very hard for you, not being there for her. But it is also part of growing up - these lessons in life.


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

I have 2 in college now, they probably both have alcohol in their apartments/houses, lol, but no rule against it that I am aware of (unless it is the police!( my son is only 19) so the underage thing.

It is hard when they call you with life's problems, and it sucks that we can't always *fix* everything for them, we can raise them as best we can and hope that they learned enough from our teachings to get through life and be kind person, but not let the world walk over them)

That stinks that she's being taken advantage of because of her car  sticky situation when you are that age in a group because if one gets mad at you, it becomes infectious and she's in a tough situation with that. I would tell her to blame in on you (say that 'my mom and/or dad is mad because I"m putting all the miles on the car", and see if that might work? idk...

Kara


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## krandall (Jun 11, 2009)

Thumper said:


> I have 2 in college now, they probably both have alcohol in their apartments/houses, lol, but no rule against it that I am aware of (unless it is the police!( my son is only 19) so the underage thing.
> 
> It is hard when they call you with life's problems, and it sucks that we can't always *fix* everything for them, we can raise them as best we can and hope that they learned enough from our teachings to get through life and be kind person, but not let the world walk over them)
> 
> That stinks that she's being taken advantage of because of her car  sticky situation when you are that age in a group because if one gets mad at you, it becomes infectious and she's in a tough situation with that. I would tell her to blame in on you (say that 'my mom and/or dad is mad because I"m putting all the miles on the car", and see if that might work? idk...Kara


Yeah, my older son has his truck at school and had problems with that the first year. Then, on his own, he decided to park in the lot that is farthest from the dorms. (and incidentally costs less for that reason) it cut the requests for random rides to the mall WAY down. It was easier to take the public transportation readily available!


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## Lizzie'sMom (Oct 13, 2010)

I told her before she took the car that it would cause more problems than it was worth. She is the only Sophomore who gets to park at the house, so I think that causes more of her class to ask. One of the girls she has to say no to the most happens to have a car, but it is parked down the street at a fraternity. Really not that far. Maybe they should trade parking spots!!! She likes walking to class and does sometimes takes the bus. The car is for groceries, coming home etc. I always tell my girls to make us the bad guys. 

It would be one thing if she was stupid enough to put alcohol in the refrigerator, but it wasn't. Interestingly, the girl who wrote her up is the one who requests rides all the time.

I think I will text her and have her ask the health food store to write a note. She may feel stupid, but it could help explain.


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## Becky Chittenden (Feb 4, 2009)

I hope this gets all straightened out. My daughter went to undergrad school out of state and my son in state (here). Our rule was live on campus - no car. Live at home - car. After 2 years of living on campus, our son moved home. It wasn't the car but he was sick of people calling and dropping in at all hours of the night. He knew that wouldn't happen at home. Worked for us.


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