# Separation Anxiety



## Roe (Jan 5, 2008)

Pebbles suffers from severe separation anxiety. When I am home she not only follows me room to room she has to be in that room with me or she stays behind the door crying .
I don't work and I am seldom away from home but when I am, I leave her with either my son or my husband. IF I am gone ten minutes or ten hours she will cry and howl the entire time without stopping. She goes door to door and room to room looking for me and howling. There is no way to comfort her they told me. My husband picks her up and holds and carries her in his arms around the house and that just slightly calms her for a few minutes. 
She has never ever been left alone. she sleeps in our room in her cage with her bed because if I didn't close the door of the large cage, she would be on our bed.
Any of your guys or gals have this problem? Pebbles has a few issues lol
Roe


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## pjewel (Apr 11, 2007)

A lot of people's havs have the separation anxiety you're speaking about, especially if they get the puppies very young. I'm sure you'll hear from them shortly. The only thing I will tell you is, it will change. You'll hear many tips to help you out. Try not to stress too much about it, when she feels safe, it will get better.


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## Leeann (Feb 28, 2007)

Geri is right, we do have some members that have delt with this, I think one of the things I always remember everyone saying is it always seems to get better with age also.


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## Poornima (Jun 29, 2007)

Roe,
I am sorry to hear about Pebble's separation anxiety. My Lizzie is 5 1/2 months and she whines when I am not in the room. My breeder told me to ignore her and not coddle her. I give her a firm "NO Whining" command, as soon as she stops and is quiet even for a couple of seconds, I praise her. It seems to be working lately. She is the most distressed when all three of us - Benji (my 13 month Hav), DH and myself are not in sight. I have not yet figure out how to deal with this. 

Here's what I did with Benji when he was a puppy and the only furbaby at our home. I started to leave him on his own starting with just a minute or two. I followed a fixed routine that I have prior to leaving the house; picking up my purse, car keys, exiting through the same door, opening the garage door etc. When leaving, I picked up key words that I repeated: "I will be back soon, be a good boy. Sleep, sleep". I repeated it a few times before I left. I also left a couple of treats in his ex-pen. I gradually increased the time I left, first 10 minutes, 30 min, an hour, so and so forth. When I got back, I put away my purse, key and then greeted him. It worked really well.

I am sure you will get some great ideas from others. Wish you and Pebbles goodluck! BTW, no matter how old they are, get ready for the furbabies to follow you everywhere in the house. And I mean everywhere! You have now 2 shadows...:biggrin1:


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## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

Hi Roe try isolating your dog in a confined area with a chew toy or kong where she can amuse herself. Do this periodically when you are at home so she learns to entertain herself . Generally dogs especially puppies that have unrestricted access to you at all times can become too dependent on you and develop separation problems. Remember dogs are social animals its in their nature to want to be with us. When you do go away make it a non event just leave without eye contact or talking and when you arrive home do not suck her up right away. Its hard not to acknowledge them enthusiastically when you come in but if you do you are just reinforcing their insecurity. Good luck.


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## littlebuddy (May 30, 2007)

my little guy had developed SA this summer. here's what i did and it works. the dog needs to associate you leaving with a key word. when he hears this word such as guard the house, he knows you will always return. leave for a few minutes and come back. do this a tone of times during the day. increasing the time over the week. slowly, he will understand that when you leave, you return.. also, put a smelly t shirt on his pillow so that when you leave he has something to remind him of you. also, and this works wonders, i per my trainers suggestion, purchased comfort zone with DAP, it plus into an outlet in the kitchen where he hangs out when i am gone. it calms them, it omits phermones that remind them of their moms. i keep it plugged in all the time. we have over come our SA issues but the comfort zone is plugged in, the smelly t shirt is still on his pillow and i always say guard the house. be patient, it's a difficult time but it will get better. i promise. don't get frustrated. also, what works for me is i tell my dog where i am going and why he can't come. i think this helps calm me, which my dog picks up on and calms him. also, leave the radio on while your gone. does he have a kong to play with, that takes up some time. usually, SA hits the first 20 minutes. my dog use to howl and cry for 3 hours. it was awful. he needs to stay busy when you are gone. walk him to poop him out and give him a special treat that he only gets when you leave and return. hope this helps.


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## JanB (Oct 26, 2007)

Tessa is the same way and we got her at nearly 4 mo of age. In the beginning she'd cry and howl and get frantic if I was out of her sight. Now she just whines a bit  I do allow her to follow me around the house, I wanted a companion dog and I'm OK with that...plus I get to keep an eye on her so it's all good!

She used to cry in the crate too but I began feeding her meals in the crate plus when I was home I would put the crate next to me with her in it and occasionally give her a treat telling her what a good dog she was (this only worked if I was sitting next to her, not if I was moving around the room) . Now anytime I put her in the crate (bedtime and when I have to leave) I give her a small piece of chicken liver. This is the only time she gets the yummy liver so she began associating her crate with something good.

Tessa also sleeps in our room in a crate.

I also say "I'll be back" in a very matter of fact voice when I leave. I also say this if I have to go upstairs where she isn't allowed yet. She still whines a bit if I go up there briefly (like to get something...I never go up there for an extended time and leave her downstairs) but she no longer panics. She no longer cries in her crate when I leave.

It has gotten much better with time (we've had her for 2 months). She still prefers me and always will. I'm now used to having a partner when I go to the bathroom, shower, etc, lol! If my DH is home with her while I'm gone she will now play with him but then she will go to the door I left from and sleep on the rug until I return. But she no longer cries so that's progress. If we're both home she will stop whatever she's doing, even if it was playing with DH, and follow me if I get up and leave the room.

That part I can live with and we just let her follow me. I was most upset about the crying and howling if I left her...after all, I have to sometimes leave the house!

I spoke with an animal behaviorist about this and this is what she told me to do: tether her to a chair, doorknob, whatever, or crate her (we did this exercise with both), and say your key word or phrase you will repeat every time you leave. Leave the room and as soon as she begins to whine whip around and very sternly "shush" her. This startled her enough to stop whining, even if for just a second, then praise and treat. Gradually increase the time away and be sure to praise and treat for her silence even if it is just for a few seconds. Keep coming back and eventually they learn you WILL return. 

I tried the chewies or kongs but she won't have anything to do with them if we're not home. I do take her out of her crate as soon as I get home but I don't make a huge deal over it.

I don't know, one day it just clicked and she just realized that if she goes to her crate during the day I will come back and it's OK. She usually naps while I'm gone so maybe she likes it, she's usually too busy following me around to sleep for long during the day, lol! And as I said, I just let her follow me around if I'm home. We do try extra hard with bonding time with DH. If we walk her DH sometimes takes the leash and even though she'd rather be beside me we don't give in and we tell her what a good dog she is, he has special games only he plays with her (usually roughhousing which she loves), he feeds her when he's home, brushes her, takes her potty (although at first I had to go out with both of them, now he can take her alone)...etc. 

Sorry this is so long.....Good luck and believe me, it will get better, just hang in there!


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

Yes,

I am one of those folks that has been through some intense SA w/ my dog. I will say, it *does* get better, but I think that is mostly to her figuring out that I DO always come home!

Like you, I'm with Gucci 99% of the time, and I don't know if that is part of the problem, she's never really away from me unless I go to the store or a doctor's appt. She has gotten alot better...she won't whine anymore, but she will still SIT at the front door and look out the glass and wait for me, she won't MOVE. (I've filmed her a few times)

However, Last night..I went to 16 yo son's swim meet and I sent my daughter to go get pizza and come home and feed my husband and kids when they got home after work and brought home my stepkids...well, apparently my husband told me that Gucci was 'inconsolable' that I wasn't home. Apparently, she didn't understand why everyone else was here on a Friday night, but not me and DS. He said she was whimpering and kept going to the front door and crying for me  Perhaps that setback was just because it was an unusual time for me to be gone?? IDK.

Sometimes, I'll bring her home a treat or a toy, and we always go straight outside to potty. I've done many of the things mentioned above, and had some success! It feels corny to explain to dog where I'm going and when I'll be back, LOL...but maybe some part of her understands.

I just think some Havs are more prone to SA than others, and I know Gucci is VERY attached to me, and acts much like Jan's Tessa...she will make sure she knows what I'm doing all the time and/or will follow me.

I think putting others onboard w/ treating, training..taking her outside helped some too! I guess last night was the exception, she wouldn't even stop her whining for pizza! lol, or so my husband told me. *sigh*

Hang in there!
Kara


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## Lynn (Jan 2, 2007)

Hi Roe,

I think my Casper had separation anxiety as bad as it comes...I think I made it worst by not trying harder to leave him by himself when he was younger. I could take him to work with me, so I did and the next thing I know he was 6 months old and never by himself:frusty: and by then he was really throwing a big fit when left home alone... and I was getting him babysitters or I mean doggie sitters when we went out.

So a couple of things...

I learned start leaving them at a early age. They won't like it, if it looks like they are too upset when you get home....visit the vet and get some advice.

Do it for short periods and work up to longer periods

Leave them with tv or radio on

Leave them in a place in the home where they spend alot of time and are comforable with.

I always leave him with a treat usually in a Kong

Casper likes to be left by a window to see out....I don't know if all dogs are that way.

Oh ya....I did get another havanese to keep him company. That helped out alot. :biggrin1:


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## Lynn (Jan 2, 2007)

Oh...I forgot an important thing, the need to have exercise to make them tried,long walk or fetch in the house...really helps.


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## Roe (Jan 5, 2008)

Once again gals thanks for all the great advice. I will try them all.
I got Pebbles when she was less then 9 weeks old. She took to me the most from day one. She finally lets my hubby take her out but she won't even go for a walk with him unless I come too.
I don't mind her following me around although it is hard at times to do anything with her grabbing everything and running with it.
She won't eat anything or eat a bone at all while I am gone. SHe hates anything rubber and mostly likes stuffed animals.
I cut my hand open last week but refused to go to the ER. My son is an EMT and told me I needed stitches but he had to go to work, I don't drive so that meant hubby had to take me and Pebbles would have had to be home alone. I wouldn't go. I couldn't imagine the panic in her being left home alone. I will have to try it ten minutes at a time for a while.
I try now to not take her into the bathroom with me. I must confess, there were times she was on my lap in there lol
SHe rules my life. Lucky for her I don't have a life lol

Roe


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## Rita (Jan 1, 2007)

Roe, you are bold. :nonolease go get your hand taken care of asap. You don't want any problems and you won't be able to help Pebbles when your hand is a mess.

Everyone gave you great advice. Hope it works.:biggrin1:

And please go take care of your hand.


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## Laurief (Nov 7, 2006)

Roe, that is endearing, but.... eventually,you are going to need to leave Pebbles for "something" and you dont want to worry at that point. I would first try a week of leaving her for different abount of times, while others are with her. Leave an hour before mealtime, and dont come back till you hear she has eaten. Then start leaving her alone with TV or radio on, a stuffed Kong, for 10 minutes at at time. I always say the same thing when I leave. I always say,"be good, Mommy loves you all" and they know that is the time to go into their beds, or just hang out. They seem to be ok. You need to do that, for Pebbles' benefit. I would assume you are at some point going to want or need to go away for a day or so. You certainly dont want to worry about Pebbles while you are gone. Good luck.
Laurie


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## mellowbo (Aug 12, 2007)

Roe,
When I was doing my research on Havanese I remember reading that they inherently do not like to be alone. I'm sure it will work out with time as so many posters have said. We were lucky because we already had a yellow lab at home and Vinny (the hav) just cuddled up to him and felt secure. Then we got Lulu and she just joined the gang with no problem. If you are at all inclined you can always get another one....lol.


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

Roe said:


> Once again gals thanks for all the great advice. I will try them all.
> I got Pebbles when she was less then 9 weeks old. She took to me the most from day one. She finally lets my hubby take her out but she won't even go for a walk with him unless I come too.
> I don't mind her following me around although it is hard at times to do anything with her grabbing everything and running with it.
> She won't eat anything or eat a bone at all while I am gone. SHe hates anything rubber and mostly likes stuffed animals.
> ...


Roe,
I can relate w/ you SO much. I got Gucci very young too, at around 8 weeks, and I really begged for that, because the only other time I could've flown to get her was 2 weeks away, and I was SO very impatient and wanted her so badly. lol

Although, I do think there are definately positives to getting a pup young, she's very closely bonded to me, my husband thinks she thinks I'm her mother! lol, and I was able to really socialize her to my big family and kids of all ages very young, again..good thing. I do think her intense SA might stem from it, however, I've noticed some other Havs on here also have SA and they went to their owners much later, and even up to 4 months? So I don't know.

Like Lynn, I would take her to work with me. I used to work 3X a week when I first got her, Now..I go to work like 1 day a week, because I can be more productive working at home, Gucci likes to lay on my desk or LAP at work and seems to be more demanding of my attention there, whereas at home..she can be content just snuggling against me and chewing on a stuffed toy,etc.

She's also refused treats when I'm not home. My front door has a glass inset, and she will just sit there and look at the driveway until I pull up  If she is completely alone, she won't whimper..but..If someone is home w/ her (one of my kids, husband, or the housekeeper) she whimpers and whines to them.

She had me in TEARS several times over the separation anxiety. I tried to do what the books said and crate her, so she'd feel safe, but that really backfired. After sitting at the crate w/ her a few minutes, I decided it was time to walk off from the crate, but NOT leave the house, so I put her in the crate and headed upstairs to get dressed or curl my hair or something. I heard her having a FIT, so I came down maybe 5 min. later and she had somehow gashed her ear throwing herself against the cage, and there was blood EVERYWHERE!!!!!! I just sobbed and felt like the worst furmom EVER.  Needless to say, I don't cage her anymore...but I really had to find what worked for her, and that was putting her in the xpen where she could *see* the front door and then giving her free roam.

I seriously doubt she would ever get into anything in the house because she's always too upset about ME being gone.

I'm with her most days, all day! However, I do have a monthly doctor's appt, or an occasional errand that I can't put off.

When she was under 6 months old, If I had to rate her SA, it would be at a 10 (on a scale from one to ten) but now, she's probably a 6-7? I'm hoping as she nears 2 years old, it will be better.

We've talked about getting another dog, but my husband worries that she will teach the new pup to be neurotic when I'm gone! lol

You really need to go take care of your hand! Can you have a freind or relative come over and sit w/ Pebbles while you go see a doctor?

Hugs,
Kara


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## JanB (Oct 26, 2007)

I'm one of those who got their puppy at 4 mo of age and from the first day she was intensely bonded to me. At first I thought it was because I had gotten her "later". 

I think we tend to do the same with our dogs as we do with our human kids. 

But sometimes it's just an inherent characteristic of the dog. The more I read on this forum the more convinced I am of that!


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## Roe (Jan 5, 2008)

I meant to say I cut my hand last month not last week. IT wasn't too bad really. my son and I took care of it and it healed fine. This is why I did post this SA because I know the day will come when I will have to leave her alone and I Fear that day. 
I do watch Cesar and I do do everything wrong out of love for her. I treat her as though she were human, not a dog. I have taken her to the bank and in stores. Target made me take her out so we left lol I even asked my dr if she could come in the waiting room with my husband but they looked at me like I was at the wrong kind of Doctor lol When I get out of the car and she stays with my husband, she cries the whole time. In the stores together, she must be in my arms not his.
It is like being a mommy all over again. I live far from the stores and things so I don't get to go out often. No one wants to come pick me up and then take me back and forth, too long on the road. It will be hard to get her to be without me little at a time. I guess I will have to take a walk alone for ten minutes. I hate walking ...

Roe


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## Paige (Sep 12, 2006)

Roe, I have three havanese and they follow me from room to room. But, when I need to leave, I leave. I don't work and I am at home all day, so they are used to me being at home. You need to see them as dogs and not as human. They are dogs and don't want to be treated as anything else, it will just cause them to be confused and unhappy. 

I'm sure when your son was young and you had to leave him with someone he cried. I know mine did. But, it didn't last long and they were better to learn that I could leave and return. Your hav, will also be a happier dog when she can learn this. Don't take Pebbles in the bathroom with you, close the door. Also don't have Pebbles in your lap, all the time. Too much attention on a dog or child is never a good thing. It makes them unstable. Believe me you will enjoy Pebbles alot more if she is a stable, happy hav.

I'm sure breeders will tell you, when the mother wants to be let alone, she lets her pups know. She would never allow them to hang on her all day. It's her job to teach them independence.


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## pjewel (Apr 11, 2007)

Roe,

Milo was totally bonded to me from day one too. He was 5 1/2 months old when I got him and I had no idea what to expect. Leaving in the beginning was a real issue. He would wail when I left. I'd stand just outside the front door for a few minutes and listen. He usually stopped after awhile and it would begin again when he heard me at the door again. Once I had him with the two other dogs the problem resolved itself. He just couldn't deal with being separated from me and all alone. I did leave for very short periods of time at first to acclimate him.

Though I used to take him to work whenever I went to the office, I don't have to do that anymore. Funny thing is I think I miss it more that he does these days. It all just takes time for us all (four and two legged family) to feel comfortable with our roles.


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## Sissygirl (Aug 8, 2007)

Roe,

I remember when I first got Sissy and I really hated leaving her. It made me feel so bad. I would get (and still do) people to come babysit for me.

I have 3 teenage girls (neighbors) that I can alternate and they love to babysit Sissy. They like her a lot better than children. If I am gone for just a couple of hours she now stays by herself just fine but if it is going to be more than 3/4 hours I always get someone to sit with her. She isn't really whiny when I leave, I think it is more me. She has the run of the house and never bothers anything. 

When I had to go to Texas for a few days. My DH would leave around 8 come home around 10:30 stay about an hour. Then a teenager would come around 1:30/2:00 p.m. and stay til he got home. I also will drop her off at my parents house - they love it. She rings the bells at their house, too.

Sissy doesn't whine or cry when we leave or while we are gone now that she is 3 yrs. old. She is really excited to see us when we get home - I know we are not suppose to but we do all the picking up loving, kissing, etc.

So as Pebbles get older I bet it will get a lot better for you and her. Hang in there. Don't feel guilty about leaving - its ok.


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## Rita (Jan 1, 2007)

Roe,

Glad to hear your hand is healed and it wasn't just last week.:biggrin1:

I don't have separation anxiety with Houston so I will let others answer. I do think it is good idea for your husband and/or son to feed Pebbles a few times of week too. Also, have them give her treats. That will help them build a relationship with Pebbles.


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## Roe (Jan 5, 2008)

Marie, I have many people who would definitely stay with Pebbles.My son does it everytime or my husband but most of the time I leave, it is with my husband. The problem isn't getting people to watch her, it is that she cries and howls the entire time I am gone no matter who is here with her. I dont' dare leave her at anyone's house that is for sure. 
The few times I have left her home with my son, I worried the whole time I was gone. I could never go away now on vacation without taking her and what good would that do? WE couldn't go in any restaurant or many places for that matter. I couldn't dare leave her in a hotel room because she would cry and howl.

I know, I have to start leaving her little by little. Today I left her in the familyroom, kitchen area and I closed the door to the back of the house and cleaned back there without her. SHe did pretty well. Just a week ago she would have cried and howled the entire time.

Is it her fear of something happening to her while I am gone or what? My husband thinks she thinks I am her mommy.

Roe


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## littlebuddy (May 30, 2007)

i know many are sceptical but, when i had my SA issues with my dog this summer, i felt so helpless and truly didin't know what to do. it was really really bad. anywas, i contacted an animal psychic out in arizona who came recommended by my groomer. i know this sounds crazy but i hadn't mentioned what the issue was, instead, she asked for my dogs name and told me what she felt was going on. one of the issues i had considered was getting another dog to help my dog with his SA. she said my dog had a feeling we were thinking about this and did not want another dog in the house. anyways, after a half hour conversation, she told me what was going on with my dog. i changed many things and within 48 hours, he was a new dog. i would be more than happy to give you her name and number. it sounds so crazy i know, i never told my husband because he'd think i'd lost my mind but who cares, he's a great dog, and that's all that matters.


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## Lynn (Jan 2, 2007)

littlebuddy said:


> i know many are sceptical but, when i had my SA issues with my dog this summer, i felt so helpless and truly didin't know what to do. it was really really bad. anywas, i contacted an animal psychic out in arizona who came recommended by my groomer. i know this sounds crazy but i hadn't mentioned what the issue was, instead, she asked for my dogs name and told me what she felt was going on. one of the issues i had considered was getting another dog to help my dog with his SA. she said my dog had a feeling we were thinking about this and did not want another dog in the house. anyways, after a half hour conversation, she told me what was going on with my dog. i changed many things and within 48 hours, he was a new dog. i would be more than happy to give you her name and number. it sounds so crazy i know, i never told my husband because he'd think i'd lost my mind but who cares, he's a great dog, and that's all that matters.


I want to thank you for all the advice you gave me with my problem with Casper and his SA. I to did contact an animal psychic and it also helped me out alot. All though alot of what she said happen to Casper was before I got him, it helped me to understand his problems. I also asked about getting another dog, and she said Casper would like it.

Casper is much better now... and doing the funniest thing now. He just gets up and goes to bed by himself sometimes. From the velcour dog to going to bed by himself....it still surprises me. The first time he did it I thought he got out and was lostound: I went upstairs to the bedroom and he was sleeping on the bed in the bedroom all by himself. So for some of you with velcour dogs now....there is hope, they do grow up...things get better.


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## littlebuddy (May 30, 2007)

i am so glad things are going well. my dog is still glued by my side, on occassion, he will stay at the top of the stairs if i am downstairs in my office but for the most part, he's close by. keep doing what you are doing with your dog, i learned with my pup that it's all about consistency and that's what helps them not go back to the bad place of SA. i think his started when we went down to florida last year several times and didn't follow the steps in getting him adjusted to the new place. so now, we are heading down this week, second trip this year and i have a dog sitter who sits with him while my husband and i go out for dinner. otherwise, i take him where ever i go, easy to do in florida. hopefully, he will adjust to the new place over time but i know it's all about patience and lots of love!


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## mom23girls (Nov 26, 2007)

Hi Roe,
I just read this thread & wanted to tell you that we have SA issues with Amy too. There is a long thread about my issues with her titled "desperately need advice". Pretty much all of Amy's issues stem from her feeling insecure when I'm not around. The trainer we hired told us that she doesn't feel as though I'm the alpha & she thinks I can't survive without her watching over me. She isn't comfortable with this arrangement, therefore she acts out (barking, whining, panting) when I'm away from her. When I started correcting this behavior, she relaxed a lot. 

I have two small kids & although I'm an "at home" mom, I'm running around alot & I'm in & out during the day. I'm trying VERY hard to help her see that I'm in charge. Because Amy was crated for most of her life before she came to us, she's petrified of her crate, so we had to find another way to contain her when I'm gone. I gate her in the mudroom with a Kong or other toy to keep her busy while I'm gone. She said it's very important not to make a big deal about leaving & not to take her out of her area until she's calm. This means not interacting with her before I leave & not giving her a lot of attention when I get back, until she calms down. At first I felt like this was backwards, like she needed lots & lots of love & reassurance, but the opposite is true. I'm seeing a lot of positive changes in Amy & she's much more relaxed. We have along way to go & there have been more than a few days that I've been ready to scream:frusty:, but all in all, it's working. 

The people here have so much fantastic advice to offer & most of all, the emotional support is just amazing. Once Amy started realizing that I'm in charge & that she needed to apapt to my schedule & way of doing things, that's when I saw a big turn-around. Of course, now she's in heat & it's anybody's guess what's going on in her head! Best of luck. It sounds like you love her a lot and really want what's best for her. She's very lucky to have you!


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## Sissygirl (Aug 8, 2007)

Roe,

I hope things get better for you in time. I remember Sissy use to cry when I got in the shower. It was like if that door closed and she couldn't see me I would be gone forever.ound:

I think in time Pebbles will come around. Just keep working with her and it sounds like you are doing a great job. Just don't feel guilty about leaving her - she has to grow and become a little bit independent.


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## Diana (Oct 23, 2007)

> I remember Sissy use to cry when I got in the shower. It was like if that door closed and she couldn't see me I would be gone forever


Marie-
Teddy would do the same thing so I left the door open alittle so he could see me . He actually jumped in there with me every time. I guess he loves water! Now I close the door and he is much better. He already realizes i do come out!

I think every day he gets better with his SA-he is young so any improvement is great and I know will take time. He is just a baby. I also feel bad about leaving him but like everyone says, it does get a little better each time. I feel better knowing it's in his best interest, so he doesn't freak out every time I leave for short periods.

Good luck Roe, I am sure it will get better with time! You can't help but be a concerned mommy and with that comes guilt that we have to try to get over to help them!


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