# Havansese doesnt like people and holds grudge



## srebeccasmith (Aug 6, 2010)

Hello,



I was hoping for some good advice. I have a 7 month old Havanese Cocoa whom I adore. I got her for my eight year old who wnated a puppy and we had her from August. My partner David and her got along great first few weeks but one day Cocoa was acting funny with her ear and he went to look at it and guess upset it and she barked. We took her to vet, ear infection and given antibotics but ever since that day he went and peeled her ear back to look inside she has been mean to him. She barks when he comes in, she never is voluntarily in his presence and will leave room if he comes into it. The only time she comes to him is when he has ice cream. It is hurting his feelings and he has tried everything from bribing with snacks, talking in a sweet voice etc. She still is mean to him and follows being just me and my daughter. What can we do? She is going to get spayed on Saturday? Could this possibly help this problem/grudge she wont get over? Do dogs change any after being spayed? In general she is very reserved around people like even when my sister comes by, she doesnt like run right to her. she backs up tail tucked. She doesnt seem to trust anyone except my daughter or me. We do socialize her as much as possible with a play group every sat or just going to petco where dogs are just out and about on the leash.


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## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

I'm in no way an expert, but am wondering if you know her history before she came to your home? What happens in the first 3-4 months of a pups life can influence them greatly... 
I'm sorry you are going through this. Keep on loving her, have your husband feed her, give her treats, make him the primary caregiver for now.
I'm not sure if the spay will change any behavior, Tillie will get spayed in January, so I am curious to hear the answer to this question also! I don't think it will change thier behavior, but I'm not sure, this is our first dog ever, being spayed didn't affect any of our cats at all though...


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## Kathie (Jul 31, 2008)

They do seem to remember things - unfortunately! Abby won't come anywhere near me after I've combed her hair. It seems that David is doing all the right things so if he will just keep it up and be patient, then hopefully she will "forgive" him! Abby was also very timid around others and I tell people to just ignore her and let her come on her own timetable and that usually works very well. David might try that for a while, too.


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## motherslittlehelper (Mar 18, 2010)

Maybe Dave on the forum will see this and direct you to some enlightening articles. Sounds like she associates your David with causing her pain when he tried to look at her infected ears - I think I read here that dogs don't hold grudges, but if something causes pain, they may try to avoid that pain. Do you have her in any training classes? If not, perhaps he could take her to one with a good trainer, where he (David) is dispensing the treats, and build trust and a positive relationship that way? She sounds a bit fearful. Perhaps the skills she learns from training would boost her confidence. I am by no means experienced in these matters - just a few thoughts that crossed my mind when I read your post.


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## KSC (Aug 6, 2009)

Agree...the dog has made an association that's resulting in a fearful reaction potentially - it's a training issue that I'd pay attention to. Get some advice from a professional trainer on how to approach the puppy and I'm sure you will make good progressing. It's about building new and positive associations.


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## kelrobin (Jan 21, 2008)

If I recall, there are also certain "adolescent" stages where puppies will test their owners/be shy, etc. She is going through some of this maturing as well as making a negative association, and I would think getting David to do some of her favorite things with her might help. Does she like to go for walks? Play with a certain favorite toy? I would get him to take "baby steps" doing things with her, and, like someone said above, let him be the primary caretaker for awhile. Let him take her and your daughter to the play group for example. She will learn to trust him again in time.


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## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

motherslittlehelper said:


> Maybe Dave on the forum will see this and direct you to some enlightening articles. Sounds like she associates your David with causing her pain when he tried to look at her infected ears - I think I read here that dogs don't hold grudges, but if something causes pain, they may try to avoid that pain. Do you have her in any training classes? If not, perhaps he could take her to one with a good trainer, where he (David) is dispensing the treats, and build trust and a positive relationship that way? She sounds a bit fearful. Perhaps the skills she learns from training would boost her confidence. I am by no means experienced in these matters - just a few thoughts that crossed my mind when I read your post.


Yeah Linda ,you've got that right. Everything you mentioned is correct. Dogs don't generalize well but when it comes to a very painful event like what happened , they can generalize only too well LOL. She isn' t showing what we call a grudge , just fear that David will cause this again. Like mentioned this just comes down to rebuilding the confidence. Good ole classical conditioning. But there could be a bit of a problem with confidence in general ,like mentioned. Adolescence can also be playing into it. Here is an article, but take things slowly. Let the dog go to him. No touching for a while. http://www.dogstardaily.com/training/classical-conditioning


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## galaxie (Dec 1, 2009)

Definitely take a look at Dave's link - his articles are always very useful.

Personally, I would get in touch with a professional trainer ASAP. Look for trainers that are certified "POSITIVE" dog trainers - punishment will not work for your pup!


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