# home alone advice please



## FutureHavMom (Oct 17, 2017)

Hi, everyone! I’m looking for some ideas for my 16-week-old pup. First, Winston’s been great. I love him to pieces.... which might be part of the problem.

We both work full-time. He is home alone from 8 am until 4:30 pm. At first, we had a dog walker come around 12:00 for a 30 minute play session. I’d watch Winston on our Nest camera, and I could see that he was perfectly fine in the mornings. I’d give him a Kong and he’d settle right down with it and then fall asleep until the dog walker arrived. And at first, he’d settle down easily when the dog walker left. He’d get his afternoon stuffed Kong and then fall asleep.

But, starting a few weeks ago, I’d come home from work and his pen would be a mess and he’d cry as soon as I walked in the door. Pathetic, loud, uncontrolled yelping and panting and hopping to get out of the pen. It seemed like afternoons alone were harder than mornings, so I scheduled the dog walker to come twice. He now comes for a half an hour in the morning and a half an hour in the afternoon. Last week was OK, but this week has been terrible. I come home from work in the afternoon and his pen is a wreck: the crate has been moved to the middle and the water bowl is off to the side and there are bits of grass and cardboard from his grass patch. I can see on the camera that he paces and yelps and howls. It breaks my heart to think that he might be in distress. Or is he just bored?

Then there was this morning.... We got up at 5 and I left for work at 8 and when I left him, he was enjoying a stuffed bone chew toy. The dog walker emailed and said that Winston pooped three times (for a total of five times in as many hours) and he vomited up his breakfast. I was so worried that I left work (because I am a crazy person) and I got home and he seems to be fine except for the fact that he yelped and hopped and “cried” when he saw me walk in the door and he chewed more of his grass wee wee patch. I put freeze dried liver in his treat this morning for the first time and I don’t know if that gave him an upset stomach or if it’s from distress at being alone or if it’s just one of those things and I shouldn’t worry about it. 

So now I’m hiding in my bedroom (because I don’t want him to know I’m home because he really does need to learn to be alone during the day) and the dog walker will be here any minute for the afternoon visit and I’m hoping so hard that Winston won’t be distressed when he leaves after the visit. Anyway, I’m feeling pretty frazzled and all of this is to say that I have two questions:

1. Winston LOVES to chew, but he chews so aggressively that I can’t leave him home alone with a bully stick or an N-bone or a nylabone. What can I put in a Kong that will engage him for awhile without upsetting his stomach? 

2. Would he be less likely to freak out if we put him in the crate after the second dog walker visit? He would only be there for about 90 minutes because then I’d be home from work. Would being in his den-like space help to soothe him? I don’t want him in the crate all day because I think that’s inhumane, but if being in there for 90 minutes at the end of the day would be good for him then I’m willing to try.

Lastly, this is my first dog and I was completely unprepared for how emotional this journey would be. I’m trying so hard to do right by him but it seems like I’m falling apart in the process. (I mean, seriously, who leaves work during the day because their dog pooped and puked a lot?) 

Apologies for the length of this post, and thanks to anyone who might have some ideas. I love him so much, and I can’t tell if this is him trying to train me, or me overreacting, or something else.


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## Cassandra (Dec 29, 2015)

I don’t have a lot of direct experience with long time alone periods, but felt bad for you when I read your post that I had to respond somehow.

First, I am sure it will get better!! This is probably a rough time as he evolves from sleepy all the time puppy to older puppy with more energy. At 16 weeks, he is still a little young for long walks, but if you are up at 5 and don’t leave until 8, try to wear him out as much as possible during that time. We use the come back and forth game between two adults (stand as far apart as possible, call him back and forth with a treat). Wears them out without wearing you out.

Second, if you are in the house, I am quite sure he knows it unless your house is enormous...their hearing and smell detects us. He should learn to have you in house when he is in pen, but be aware that he likely knows you are there. By the way, video camera spying on him is great..best way to see what is going on.

Third, introduction of any new food or treat off disturbs Cassie’s digestive system so I almost never try anything new as we have found a combination that works for her. Freeze dried liver might be your current problem if first time. I freeze her regular food (fresh pet) with little bits of boiled chicken in her kongs...she has to work to get it out.

Lastly, it is a little worrisome that he is eating the plastic grass. Not sure what to suggest if that is what he is used to but I would be concerned about that. When Cassie is locked up when we are gone, kongs have long been the only thing I leave in her pen for fear of problems, like stuffings etc. as to the behavior when you return, many people talk about importance of greeting them calmly, regardless of how crazy they act. I am not capable of doing the ignore them until they settle down approach, but I make an effort to act like my return is no big deal. I think that helps..I feel like rushing to her and give her a crazy greeting, but don’t do it because I want it to be normalized..I go and come back..no big deal. I think she gets it although she acts like I have returned from a long trip away every time.

Hang in there..you are doing all the right things with a twice a day walker. It will get better!


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## Jeanniek (Mar 20, 2018)

FutureHavMom said:


> Lastly, this is my first dog and I was completely unprepared for how emotional this journey would be. I'm trying so hard to do right by him but it seems like I'm falling apart in the process. (I mean, seriously, who leaves work during the day because their dog pooped and puked a lot?)
> 
> Apologies for the length of this post, and thanks to anyone who might have some ideas. I love him so much, and I can't tell if this is him trying to train me, or me overreacting, or something else.


Sorry you are going through this. Isn't it wonderful to have this forum to reach out to, though? I look forward to reading the answers you get -- the more I understand how these puppies behave and how I should respond, the more I will be ready (hopefully) when I get my puppy.

I do want to say, though, I don't think I would berate myself for leaving work because my dog appeared to be having a crises. You were not "falling apart"; you were being a mom.


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## Paddington (Feb 15, 2016)

Have you started puppy classes yet? I think a private session with a positive trainer might help.

Try and look into more treat/activity toys like the Foobler. 

Things do get better.


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## Scarlett's mom (Feb 14, 2017)

When Scarlett was a puppy I was working part time. She was in her crate for three hours at a time. I am now home full time and Willow is also in her crate for three hour stretches. I basically followed a crate training schedule I found online. I am able to walk around the house and Willow doesn't make a sound. She'll watch me and I'll mostly ignore her. Scarlett is much more of a shadow to me and does not like it if she can't be next to me all the time. I end up locking her in the kitchen just to get stuff done! I do feel bad sometimes but I feel that is the best thing for my pups (and me!) 

Don't feel bad...if this is your first dog then it's a learning experience.:smile2:


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## FutureHavMom (Oct 17, 2017)

Cassandra said:


> I don't have a lot of direct experience with long time alone periods, but felt bad for you when I read your post that I had to respond somehow.
> 
> First, I am sure it will get better!! This is probably a rough time as he evolves from sleepy all the time puppy to older puppy with more energy. At 16 weeks, he is still a little young for long walks, but if you are up at 5 and don't leave until 8, try to wear him out as much as possible during that time. We use the come back and forth game between two adults (stand as far apart as possible, call him back and forth with a treat). Wears them out without wearing you out.
> 
> ...


Thanks for all the reassurance and tips. Winston isn't eating plastic grass. He's eating the cardboard box containing his real patch of grass. (We use FreshPatch: www.freshpatch.com.) He's been OK so far today with just his washable wee wee pad.

I'm also not good at ignoring him when I get home from work. Oh, to be the perfect pet owner!


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## FutureHavMom (Oct 17, 2017)

Jeanniek said:


> Sorry you are going through this. Isn't it wonderful to have this forum to reach out to, though? I look forward to reading the answers you get -- the more I understand how these puppies behave and how I should respond, the more I will be ready (hopefully) when I get my puppy.
> 
> I do want to say, though, I don't think I would berate myself for leaving work because my dog appeared to be having a crises. You were not "falling apart"; you were being a mom.


Yes, this forum has been AMAZING! I learned (and continue to learn!) so much from so many people in the months prior to getting Winston. When are you getting your puppy?


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## FutureHavMom (Oct 17, 2017)

Paddington said:


> Have you started puppy classes yet? I think a private session with a positive trainer might help.
> 
> Try and look into more treat/activity toys like the Foobler.
> 
> Things do get better.


Yes, we've started both puppy classes and puppy playgroup, and he loves going to both of them. I just had a great conversation with the guy who owns the dog walking company, and he really put me at ease. He said that it's not unusual for puppies to rebel after the first few weeks because we have become his people and he wants to be with us all the time and tearing apart his pen is his way of letting us know that our departure is not acceptable. He said we're doing all the right things and that, starting next week, when Winston can go on a 30 minute walk twice a day, he'll be much more tired and won't be so restless when he's home. T-minus one day until he gets his last shots and we can walk him regularly and I can't wait!

I'll definitely check out the foobler. We've got three or four food dispensing toys for him and his favorite, hands down, is a plain plastic water bottle with kibble in it. (Cap and plastic ring removed.)


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## FutureHavMom (Oct 17, 2017)

Scarlett's mom said:


> When Scarlett was a puppy I was working part time. She was in her crate for three hours at a time. I am now home full time and Willow is also in her crate for three hour stretches. I basically followed a crate training schedule I found online. I am able to walk around the house and Willow doesn't make a sound. She'll watch me and I'll mostly ignore her. Scarlett is much more of a shadow to me and does not like it if she can't be next to me all the time. I end up locking her in the kitchen just to get stuff done! I do feel bad sometimes but I feel that is the best thing for my pups (and me!)
> 
> Don't feel bad...if this is your first dog then it's a learning experience.:smile2:


I started doing this just today. While Winston happily spends 8-9 hours in his crate at night, he doesn't really love it during the day. So this morning, I put him in there with a kong while I showered. He didn't love it, but he also didn't hate it. I also gave him his breakfast in kongs in his crate to try to get him to enjoy them more. As we start training him to go outside, I think the crate will help us a lot more.

(And lest I share nothing but challenges, I'll add that the surest sign Winston loves a new toy is that he scrambles into his crate with it. Nothing says, "this is the best toy ever!" quite like being dragged into the sacred crate space.)

Obstacles notwithstanding, we're head over heels for him.


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## FutureHavMom (Oct 17, 2017)

Mr. Winston, patiently waiting for the train, not realizing he's on a billboard


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## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

"tearing apart his pen is his way of letting us know that our departure is not acceptable.".Dogs don't do things to spite us. I think you need professional help with someone experienced in SA. Never leave a dog alone with any sort of chew.


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## FutureHavMom (Oct 17, 2017)

davetgabby said:


> "tearing apart his pen is his way of letting us know that our departure is not acceptable.".Dogs don't do things to spite us. Why is he being crated for 8 hours at night, when he's already being crated for much of the day? I think you need professional help with someone experienced in SA. Never leave a dog alone with any sort of chew.


He's not being crated during the day. He's in his ex-pen. He's in his crate when he sleeps at night, which happens to be 8-9 hours give or take.


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## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

yeah ok but I really think you need some help as this is definately separation anxiety.


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## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

http://www.akcchf.org/educational-r...ripts/Dr-Karen-Overall-Separation-Anxiety.pdf


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## Cassandra (Dec 29, 2015)

Freshpatch sounds fascinating. I had never heard about it before. Sounds like your dog walking service had some helpful advice about the changing behavior..that was sort of my thought about puppy getting a little bit older and having more “opinions”. It does sound like you are on the right path with longer walks by dog walker making him more tired.

By the way, despite all the helpful advice here, you do have to assess what fits you and your family, i.e.re the greeting when you return and reluctance to use crate for long periods. I know some people use crates during day, even when dog gets older, but that isn’t for me. Nighttime fine, brief periods of day, ok, but I prefer getting them used to a puppy pen/or enclosed area for the times needed. We use a gated bathroom with a window, view of hallway, sound of music from stereo etc. open crate in pen would be ok for me also although Cassie long ago gave up the crate except for travel. She will go into her bathroom and curl up in donut bed voluntarily if she has stomach problems or when we ask her to (albeit reluctantly) if we are leaving the house for extended periods... 

Give it some time and I will bet it gets better and better!!!


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## Marni (Apr 1, 2017)

FutureHavMom said:


> Mr. Winston, patiently waiting for the train, not realizing he's on a billboard


You are a cute couple.


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## jay_39 (Sep 1, 2017)

I'm really sorry to hear what you and Winston are going through. It must be very stressful. I hope you can get things figured out soon.


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## krandall (Jun 11, 2009)

FutureHavMom said:


> Mr. Winston, patiently waiting for the train, not realizing he's on a billboard


Oh my gosh, He's too cute for words!!!


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## Jeanniek (Mar 20, 2018)

FutureHavMom said:


> Yes, this forum has been AMAZING! I learned (and continue to learn!) so much from so many people in the months prior to getting Winston. When are you getting your puppy?


Not till the end of the year. My husband is going through some health issues so we decided to wait . So, meanwhile I'm reading and learning. . and yearning. I don't want this year to fly by too fast, but I can't wait to have my 4-legged baby.


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## Genie1000 (Apr 13, 2017)

Penelope had separation anxiety. It was heartbreaking. If left in her crate, she would gnaw at the bars and fling herself at the walls. If in the expen she would do the same.
We worked with a behaviorist which helped a bit.
Finally we set up our front entry way with gates. Penny could see out the big window next to to door. She still doesn’t like it when we leave, but now she can sit on her bed by the door and wait.
We started leaving for very short times at first and now she does ok with about 4 hours max. That’s plenty of time for us since I work mainly from home.
Remember, there are always solutions. Seek help from professional trainers and be open to suggestions. You’ll find ways that work for you and you dog!


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## ShamaMama (Jul 27, 2015)

I just wanted to express my sympathy. I think getting professional help is your best idea. Don't worry about loving your puppy too much. They are irresistible! Just be sure you're always thinking about what is best for you and also what is best for your puppy. For example, it still breaks my heart to just walk out without saying goodbye to Shama whenever I leave our house, but I tell myself that it's best for her. She is quiet as a mouse when we leave at 6 AM, then we think she sleeps until our dog walker comes at 11 AM. She's quiet as a mouse when the dog walker comes in, ignores her for a while, then interacts with her, then ignores her for a while, then walks out without saying goodbye (when Shama is being quiet as a mouse). My DH gets home from work first, around 4 PM. Shama is quiet while he putzes around for a bit, changing clothes, putting groceries away, etc. Then he greets her calmly, he takes her outside to potty, then they finally have a party and start playing.

(Can I just say that it is still very bizarre to me to think that Shama has a relationship with our dog walker Emily that is largely unknown to us? They spend an hour together each day, and Emily sends a brief text to say what Shama did and what they did together. She frequently mentions that Shama just wanted to be petted. That's so funny to me because Shama only comes to me for belly rubs - she stands and lifts either leg while I rub her belly. She has never liked being held and petted by me. Maybe because I hold her to groom her. She's very patient for that, but then she takes off!)

Please keep us posted as to your progress. Hang in there!


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## bellerud (Apr 6, 2018)

FutureHavMom said:


> Mr. Winston, patiently waiting for the train, not realizing he's on a billboard


What an adorable dog. Those eyes. He looks mischievous

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Svarner (Feb 22, 2018)

I was having the same problems with Marley...she was pooping everywhere in her expen no matter how often the dog walker came. We would have to come home every night and give her a bath and clean up the expen. This forum advised me to crate her and have the dog walker come twice...it was a LIFE CHANGER!😊. I feed her at 5am and she poops after that. Then, I walk her before work at 6:45am so she poops again and she goes in the crate at 7:15. The dog walker comes at 11:00 and walks her. She puts her back in the crate. The dog walker comes back between 2:30-3:00 because I usually work til 5:45. If I could get home by 4:00, the dog walker wouldn’t have to come twice. I walk her as soon as I get home. Since the first day of the crate and dog walker, she hasn’t pooped in her crate. I would love for her to be in the expen but right now she can’t handle it when we’re gone. We tried it last week on the weekend for a few hours and it was the big mess again. Marley needs her crate so she’ll settle down.


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## malkates (Feb 26, 2018)

Dear FutureHavMom - how did this all work out? We are getting our puppy at the end of the week and this separation anxiety issue is our greatest worry. I work mainly from home so our puppy won't be alone more than a couple hours at a time and not for a while. 

I was surprised no one suggested "I'll Be Home Soon" by Patricia McConnell. But of course with the level of anxiety you described, a trainer seems important. I'd love to know how you're doing now.


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