# Please help with socialization



## sesa70 (Jan 25, 2016)

Romeo has been home for five days now. When we met him in the hotel room with his breeder, there were three other dogs there, two of which he didn't know, and one of the breeders friends he had never met. Plus my family, and there are five of us! He was perfectly friendly and without an ounce of hesitation or anxiety. 

Now that he's home, he needs to be by somebody all the time or he freaks out. He's fine in his crate overnight because he is next to my bed. He won't stay in his X pen without screaming and yelling. My husband doesn't see this as a problem, he thinks he is just very people oriented and that I will always have a little shadow with me. My concern is that I don't want him to be to attach to me in an unhealthy way. I don't want to feed into separation anxiety and that sort of thing. 

Then yesterday I took him to a local independently owned pet store for some socialization. When new people approached to pet him while he was in my arms he would start shaking. After a few seconds and some treats he definitely called down but then when I asked one of the pet store ladies who had been helping us to carry him he was shaking and whining and Wiggling to get back to me. They fit him treats and he would take them but he was clearly uncomfortable. 

I have three daughters, the oldest of which has special needs so I have a few hours of home health help in the evenings per week. Plus the kids have friends who will eventually be coming over to play. What do I do? How do I help socialize him and teach him that people are good and that he should love everybody? I know he's just a baby, nine weeks old yesterday, but so many books I read stress very heavily that this is the period of time to work intensely with your pups. I don't want to screw him up for life! It's a lot of pressure.


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## Eveningpiper (Sep 23, 2015)

Anxiety in dogs is often developed as a result of unmet needs in puppyhood. A nine week old puppy, especially of this breed, needs to know that it has access to you for comfort and food and safety. By providing consistent care and attention in these early weeks of socialization, you will not raise a needy dog, but rather a secure one.


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## Tom King (Aug 2, 2006)

You have to feel no anxiety yourself. If you feel anxiety, he picks up on it, and it makes it worse for him. Just go along like everything is normal. Don't push him into situations that cause anxiety for a little while, and don't coddle him so much. Make sure you only pick safe dogs for him to socialize with, and don't pick him up to "rescue" him unless it's a dangerous situation. It's hard to describe in words, but he needs for you to be strong and calm.


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## Karen Collins (Mar 21, 2013)

Your puppy is still adjusting to being in a new home. During this stage, you do want to "expose" him to some new stimuli, but remember everything right now is new stimuli. Socializing should not be forced ever. Take him places and have new people over, but allow your puppy to approach all new things on his own terms. And allow him to have a safe place to retreat. If he's trembling, he's too stressed.

Puppies are born without sight or hearing. The only thing they have is their nose. So, remember they smell first, then hear, then see. So, they are receiving new things in that order. Being picked up and touched by strangers before they can do those first 3 things sufficiently will over stimulate and stress your puppy. Take your puppy to new places, but don't force him to investigate or be held. Its always best if he can be allowed to approach new things on his own. Usually, their curiosity wins and they will have to go sniff a new thing. But they have to be allowed to retreat as soon as they want.

A new puppy sleeps a lot. So, if he has been fed, pottyed and played with, he should be happy to go to his ex pen and settle down for a nap. Is his expen in a room where he can see you? If he is demand barking to get out of his crate or pen, try to wait until he is quiet to take him out.

I strongly recommend that you buy the online streamed DVD series by Jane Killion, called Puppy Culture. It's primarily for breeders and covers the life of the puppy from gestation till he goes to his new home, but it will teach you better than a book can, positive, healthy socialization. You can apply the same techniques with a young dog or puppy and still get good results.


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## Karen Collins (Mar 21, 2013)

Tom King said:


> You have to feel no anxiety yourself. If you feel anxiety, he picks up on it, and it makes it worse for him. Just go along like everything is normal. Don't push him into situations that cause anxiety for a little while, and don't coddle him so much. Make sure you only pick safe dogs for him to socialize with, and don't pick him up to "rescue" him unless it's a dangerous situation. It's hard to describe in words, but he needs for you to be strong and calm.


Yes! That's what I was trying to say too Tom.


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## sesa70 (Jan 25, 2016)

Thanks everyone. The reason he was being carried is since he's so young and he hasn't had all his puppy vaccinations yet. I didn't want to risk letting him walk around a place where there might be sick or unvaccinated dogs. 

He doesn't really want to be in his pen or crate. It is a little better in the crate if it is right next to us but his breeder had him in a pen and when I put him in he yelps and screams even if we are right there. He seems to do really well on a leash near us tethered to a chair leg or something so we can watch him closely. He is playful enough but not food motivated and I can barely get him to eat his kibble. Minimal interest in treats, no interest in Kong's or the like. The only thing he's shown interest in chewing is a bully stick.


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## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

yeah a pet store is not the place to socialize without all his shots. Don't pick him up when other dogs are trying to meet him. Dog's need an escape route if they feel threatened. Here's a bit more Don?t Socialize the Dog! | Karen Pryor Clicker Training


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## Zoe093014 (Jan 27, 2015)

First of all, I want to say that Romeo is adorable and looks like a really sweet dog! I have a puppy who has always been the opposite and was always very outgoing. I agree with the other posters. Stay relaxed and upbeat when people approach and don't push him into strange situations just yet. Since he hasn't had all his shots and there are 5 of you, maybe just have him be really comfortable with all family members for a while at first. I would just concentrate on him being very secure in his new home and with all his new family first. Then later he can go new places with you and family members, and be slowly introduced to people outside his family. He looks like the type of dog that you need to go slow with. I'm sure it will work out just fine! :smile2:


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## Molly120213 (Jan 22, 2014)

You say that you met your breeder and puppy in a hotel room. Did you ever go to the breeders home to see how she keeps her dogs and puppies? He may not have been well socialized and exposed to different things while he was there. He was also very young when you got him. He may just need a little more time to start feeling confident in his new surroundings. Keep exposing him to new things and being away from you for short periods of times. Things should get easier as he matures. Good luck!


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## krandall (Jun 11, 2009)

Besides the good advice you've recieved from other people, I wanted to add that it's not necessary for a dog to "like everyone". Some do... Others are more reserved. They SHOULD eventually learn to be polite to people, both out and about, and when guests come to the house. But that doesn't necessarily mean that they will be doing flips for people or asking for treats. Just as some people are more outgoing than others, the same is true of dogs.


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## Askavi (Nov 5, 2015)

I think that it's really easy to get caught up in trying to socialize a puppy perfectly based on what one reads or is told by others. I know that when I brought Raffy home, I was very concerned about socializing him properly. I had read so many things that really pushed not only heavy socialization, but a variety of stimulus as well, to help puppies not be fearful of a variety of things. (people, other dogs, sounds, etc). Much of what I read left me with the impression that I had a very small window of time in which to not only socialize my puppy well, but to begin training if I wanted to be successful. At the same time, I was concerned with exposing my new puppy to possible unsafe situations (such as putting him down in a pet store) in order to accomplish the socialization.

I was fortunate enough to obtain the services of a very knowledgeable in-home trainer early on who put me at ease. She let me know that just socializing with my family and pets was enough until he had all his immunizations at 16 weeks. We allowed visitors to our home of course, however, and I did take Raffy on walks near my neighborhood. The walks really helped with him seeing/hearing bicycles and skateboards as well as people walking by in different types of clothing. He also was on leash, able to see other dogs but not interact with them. I feel like we were successful with his socialization even with the limitations we put on it. He is an outgoing dog who loves people, but even at 7 months it takes him a bit to warm up to dogs he doesn't know, especially big dogs. After he's decided they're okay, then it's time to play!


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## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

don't underestimate the power of early socialization. including large dogs.


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## Zoe093014 (Jan 27, 2015)

Yes, we were fortunate that ours was bred in a family situation with kids and their friends, cats, dogs, and probably lots of household noises. Today, nothing bothers her, not even fire crackers, vacuum cleaners, etc. But when she came to us at 10 wks, I realized she no longer had the comfort of her litter mates. I gave her a safe quiet place where she could watch me with intermittent play sessions with myself and the family members until she got settled in.


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## krandall (Jun 11, 2009)

Zoe093014 said:


> Yes, we were fortunate that ours was bred in a family situation with kids and their friends, cats, dogs, and probably lots of household noises. Today, nothing bothers her, not even fire crackers, vacuum cleaners, etc. But when she came to us at 10 wks, I realized she no longer had the comfort of her litter mates. I gave her a safe quiet place where she could watch me with intermittent play sessions with myself and the family members until she got settled in.


All of those things are a wonderful first start with the breeder. But they are just that... a first start. Socialization is an on-going process of finding safe, non-threatening but continually changing experiences for your puppy, with people, dogs (of all sizes and shapes, as long as they are safe) places, sounds, surfaces etc.

Each puppy is going to differ in terms of how quickly you can introduce things, and what things bother them. Kodi has never met a (nice) dog that he doesn't like. He was pretty easy-going as a puppy, but went through a period at about 9 months or so when he was a bit shy with people he didn't know. Now he loves EVERYONE, and we actually had to do a lot of training to teach him that it was NOT OK to go visit the judge in the middle of an obedience run!  Pixel, at almost a year, is shy of big dogs (still a work in progress) but LOVES people. She's making progress, and she's still young, so we'll continue to work on it. But that's a good example of how socialization doesn't stop at 16 weeks! Panda is, of course, much too young to know what her whole development will be like, but so far, she is fearless, loves ALL people, and is fine with puppies of all breeds at Puppy K. Last Sat., she spent most of the time playing with a Rottie puppy! ( a sweet, gentle, appropriate Rottie puppy, but still...) OTOH, she is VERY protective of her "territory" and we are working on her being appropriate with large gentle dogs coming into our house.

You have to meet them where they are, continue to gently introduce things, but not over-face them. Each one will be a bit different!


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