# I want to be a good neighbor, but....



## Moko (Dec 11, 2007)

I have an escalating situation that I'm not knowing how to handle, and I'm hoping some of you might be able to make some suggestions.

We love our neighborhood! We (and one other couple) are the empty nesters of the neighborhood, having been here for a gazillion years, and having raised our kids here. Little by little, young couples have moved in with the most adorable children, and I really enjoy a good relationship with all of them (even with the family of the "killer chihuahua" who was running loose for awhile...they've really made good conscientious efforts to keep their pup on leash). The kids call me "Grandma Mo", they love Molly and Billy, and we have pleasant conversations every day as we walk our dogs (or the babies!)

Our next-door neighbor, owner of the Golden Retriever Charley, has been insinuating herself into our time outside...no matter when I go out with the dogs, she immediately lets Charley out...Charley BARKS like nuts because she wants to come and play, but she's not fond of Billy, and she's gotten kind of aggressive to the little guy. There's NO WAY I'll let any dog "bully" Molly and Billy. The fence is a chain-link, and aside from putting hedges in front of the fence, they can see us whenever we go outside. Charley has even dug a hole next to one section of the fence, and she actually makes it under the fence...I keep blocking it and filling the hole...I'm worried that Charley will get hurt (OR that Molly and Billy might suddenly think, "Hmmmmm...I didn't know we could do THAT!"

The neighbor has gotten pretty condescending and pushy, even going so far as to open OUR gate and letting Charley in as I'm working on the far side of the house. (Our gates are usually locked, but if I have to go back-and-forth to the garage, I leave the gate unlocked temporarily.) I like Charley, but she's not good with small dogs. I've explained to my neighbor what my concerns are, but she continues to insinuate into the situation and tells me that Charley is good with ALL dogs. I want to keep good relations with them, I've been truthful and direct with her, but she told ME that's not acceptable, and that Charley has a "RIGHT" to be here! ??????

Sorry this is so long, but I'm really troubled by this. I always aim to be kind, but I'm also not a push-over, though I do think she's mistaking my kindness as a weakness. Anyone ever have this situation? Thanks for the ear!


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## marjrc (Jan 13, 2007)

Oh dear, Maureen. It's a sticky situation, but you are right of course. Charley has no business going into YOUR yard unless you invite him there. The neighbor has some nerve! As to what Charley does at the fence while you're out with your two, that's tough. I'm not sure what you can say or do to avoid that, other than hide behind bushes. lol Shoot. Almost makes it no fun for you to enjoy your own space with your two dogs. 

I'm not a pushover either, but I don't always know what to say in certain situations, so I'm not much help. What would be nice is if the neighbor knew how much it upsets your dogs or you and go out of her way to accommodate. Doesn't sound like that kind of neighbor though! 

What does your hubby think? Or is he avoiding the whole thing?


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## Moko (Dec 11, 2007)

Marj--

My hub suggested thorn bushes...ound:

He feels the same way...and he likes Charley, too. We both try to always give her a head-pat when she stands up at the fence... (Charley...not the neighbor!)ound:.

Unfortunately, "sensitive" and "cordial" are not words I'd use to describe Charley's mom. Kind of self-centered, but my perspective always is with someone like that: just don't invite them for dinner!


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## Jill in Mich (Feb 24, 2008)

Moko said:


> : I've been truthful and direct with her, but she told ME that's not acceptable, and that Charley has a "RIGHT" to be here! ??????
> 
> EXCUSE ME?!?!? She thinks she has a right to put her dog on your property??? Oh boy! You're in a tough spot. Sounds like you need to not worry about being so nice and get a little more blunt - too bad if she gets mad or her feelings hurt!!!
> 
> ...


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## Moko (Dec 11, 2007)

Jill--
Thanks for the suggestions. I'm thinking the 8-foot privacy fence might have to be the way to go...

Her husband...he'd have to ask her first if we could talk. My hub talk to her? She thinks HE should have to ask for permission, too!

We actually were just talking about a line of bushy-bushes along the fence, although putting a different fence on that side might actually be a good thing. Thanks!


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Maureen - what a difficult situation. You'll probably just need to be blunt and tell her that Charley needs to stay in his yard and gently escort him home. But the privacy fence sounds like a great idea. Maybe some pretty vines like Wisteria would brighten up the area?


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## Jill in Mich (Feb 24, 2008)

She sounds like a real charm!!! I thought I'd feel really closed in by a privacy fence but I've really liked it, as did all of the neighbors who share our property line. I think it improved the look of our yard. Only two bad things - we did natural wood because we liked the look but that means I have to stain it every few years which is expensive (and a rotten job!) and there isn't much breeze in the back yard during the summer.

As only another dog lover would understand.... We did have a custom gate designed so the dog could still see what was going on out on the street. We'd put a dog bed in front of the gate so Gabby could be comfortable as she'd watch everyone going by. (We'd spend our day moving Gabby and the bed in or out of the sun!)

Will bushes keep her out? (That's what we had and they weren't high enough). You could always just do the fence on that side of the house. Or maybe, just threaten to put a fence up (half jokingly of course!) ....maybe that would get thru to her!


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## Missy (Nov 6, 2006)

Oh Dear Maureen. This is terrible. Can you lie and tell her that your small dogs shake and act miserably after they have had a play session with Charlie and that you think it would be best to keep them seperated. that your dogs are young and you are still working on training-- and that Charlie somehow upsets them. Good luck, keep us posted.


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## imamurph (Apr 15, 2008)

:suspicious: This is just unbelievable!

I'm not sure what I'd do..put a fence up I suppose, but then this person would most likely find another avenue to invade your privacy..


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## Moko (Dec 11, 2007)

I've been reading all your suggestions to my hub. 

We're both thinking that a privacy fence would be good as it would provide shade during the afternoon. Our houses aren't really close together, and we do have trees in back, but that particular side of the yard is in full sun during the afternoon...it could be shade for the pups! And some privacy for us! We're gonna' look into it (though I do like the idea of wisteria...then I could be a "desperate housewife"...cool...)

I hate to trump up excuses, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures...


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## Dawna (Aug 3, 2006)

Maureen if you decide on the fence maybe you should make it 10' just be safe. LOL
Dawna
(our closest neighbor is 1/2 mile away. WHEW)


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## imamurph (Apr 15, 2008)

..Actually, Dawna, we have a six foot fence and it didn't stop a neighbor from throwing rocks at our Aussies while we were at work.

The guy can't tolerate even *one *bark..he called Dog Control on us constantly..When they came to investigate they determined that our dogs only barked when someone approached the fence and then would stop. They told us that the neighbor was the whacked one (dahhh) Gee, I wonder if the rock throwing had anything to do with it..

Then one day we were out working in our "fenced" yard when this guy got up ON our fence hanging over the top (he actaully broke a piece off) Well, my one Aussie flew across the yard and jump six feet in the air and snapped at him. He pulled back just in the nick of time, yelling that he was going to sue us! My husband told him.."Well, don't be hanging over our fence..!"

Why ..Why.. Why.. do people have to be so weird? :suspicious:


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## CapotesMom (Apr 3, 2007)

Neighbors are strange.. We had a shetland when I was about 14 that used to bark a lot. One day it got really sick and just passed on..even though it was only about a year old. To this day we still think our neighbor may have poisoned him; he threatened it a few times because of the barking. Needless to say the dog my dad has now stays WELL away from that side of the property.

As for what you can do with your neighbor, that's a tough situation. It sounds like you've said your piece...several times. The fact that she lets HER dog in YOUR back yard is just outlandish. :rant: If she did that I would take him by the collar and escort him back and not so nicely tell her to keep her effin dog in her own effin yard. lol. Hey..she was warned several times. It's time to get it in her head that its not her world and we just live in it, that's your property. Then tell her next time you find her dog in your yard you'll call animal patrol. See if that kicks some sense into her. :whip:

You did nice. Clearly nice doesn't work with her.


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## JASHavanese (Apr 24, 2007)

For a real quick fix what about putting an outdoor mesh type of fabric on the side of the fence where her dog is? And double lock your gate. 
Wow what a sticky situation


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## Jill in Mich (Feb 24, 2008)

I've got it! The perfect answer came to me in the middle of the night! I don't know why we didn't think of it sooner.

*Just send Billie over there to pee on her (and Charley if necessary)!!!*


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## Leeann (Feb 28, 2007)

Maureen I like the privacy fence idea and you could still buy some nice trellises for Wisteria or any other climbing bush/flower to grow along it.

If it makes you feel any better I live in a city so the houses are close. I have a privacy fence but my house is up kind of high, I have French doors in my kitchen and one night my neighbor called me asking what I was cooking because I was running around the kitchen back and forth so much… I know she was being funny because I hardly cook but it kind of freaked me out. Good thing I don’t run around the house naked:fear:..


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## mom23girls (Nov 26, 2007)

Maureen....I totally feel your pain!!!!!!!! We just had a privacy fence installed on Monday for the very same reason. It makes me so mad to have to spend such huge amount of money because our inconsiderate neighbor can't keep her dog and kids off our property. (they have a german shepard who would probably eat Amy) I hadn't been able to bring her in the yard since they got this dog. The woman actually called me after the fence went up & was angry saying that my daughter told kids on the bus that their dog was always in our yard & that we were putting up a fence. After her kids run around screaming, stomping on our deck & chasing their dog, she had the audacity to tell me my daughter was out of line!!!!!!!! 

OMG, some people are just impossible & you can't rationalize with an irrational mind...I keep telling myself this so i don't waste my energy being angry. I feel for you & understand what your going through. It's only been 4 days since we've had this fence, but it's like heaven being outside & not having to worry! I highly reccomend it!


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## Moko (Dec 11, 2007)

Jill in Mich said:


> I've got it! The perfect answer came to me in the middle of the night! I don't know why we didn't think of it sooner.
> 
> *Just send Billie over there to pee on her (and Charley if necessary)!!!*


OK...I just spit coffee out of my mouth (and thru my nose, thank you!) when I read this!

I'm thinkin' with all your good suggestions (AND innovative solutions) that we should host a humongous playdate at my house and teach ability-training JUMPING over my fence! Hmmm...let me see...that would be about 700+ Havs??? Might just make a point!

And PS...Billy will feel mighty proud at your confidence in him!


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## maryvee (Jan 26, 2008)

I would just like to say that I am so proud that my dog is known as the one who pees on others-- I am a proud mama.


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

We have a similar situation here. All around us except for 1 side we have neighbors with dogs. They are big ugly hunting dogs(ugly because of frustration on my part). There is a very large garage on one side-it is like a 6-7 hole garage.....it gives us privacy,which is nice. The people who own the garage have 2 of these hunting dogs that run loose when they are out. They have those shock collars on......but they poop in my yard,and I'm getting mad about it.I'm tired of cleaning up their gargancian crap-literally. Now,I've started yelling loudly to "get outta here" etc. so the neighbors hear me. It has helped. On the other side of my entire back yard is a house.We have always loved each person who has lived there-(all from one family)but in August the owner passed away,and they sold his house to the church in our back yard.It is frustrating.....they don't have a full time pastor yet,so they are wanting to rent it out. YUK! I'm putting up a privacy fence 40-42 foot long to finally be able to water my flowers,pick something up etc. without someone looking up my @ss.......we are trying to decide if we should go with cedar or the new plastic fence. Opinions?


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## JanB (Oct 26, 2007)

Oh Maureen, what a sticky situation you are in. Now that we are in town after 20 yrs of living out in the "country" we have close neighbors. And we have a brick privacy fence with wrought iron gates so we can still see out front and back (Tessa sticks her head out to check the goings on in the street, lol). I love the privacy, I can take Tessa out first thing in the morning in my jammies with my bed head and no one can see me, lol. So I highly recommend privacy fences!

However, your neighbor is so rude, bold, and obnoxious you may have to take it a step further. Since you can't have a reasonable conversation with her you could always send a letter letting her know your position and what you will do if they continue to violate your yard. I'm usually all for keeping the peace with neighbors but I'm sure this neighbor isn't someone you even want as a friend and they obviously need strong measures to stop their behavior.

Good luck!


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## JanB (Oct 26, 2007)

Julie, oh my, seems many have neighbors from hell. I have no experience with the plastic fences - what are they? I hope someone here can give you advice.

In our last house one rainy day I looked out my window and saw my neighbor's Goldens splashing around on our pool cover! I called the neighbor and she said "well, it's raining, when it stops I'll come over and get them." WTH??!!

Some people.....


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## snfager (Sep 29, 2006)

Hello,

I don't often post but we have had some experience with neighbors dogs (a black lab) digging under the fence. We resolved the issue by pouring a small (8 - 10 inch wide) strip of concrete between each set of posts. If you own the current fence, you have the right to make that, or any other, change. If you put in a privacy fence it would be a good time to also put in the cement strip.
Hope you find the solution that is right for you. After all, you should be able to enjoy your own property.

Sharon


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## imamurph (Apr 15, 2008)

Jan,

The plastic fences are made out of vinyl (usually white) and is very durable, but expensive. Supposedly it wears well and can be pressure washed. I guess the up side is that you don't have to keep replacing it like cedar..

You can see it on this link:

http://www.huskervinyl.com/shop/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=ppopenacc4x6-a

We are in the process of replacing one side of our fence, but the issue we have with that neighbor is that he is a "Sanford" and has so much junk leaning/stacked against it on his side, that stray cats can actaully go up and over our fence!

My husband recently went over and asked him vey nicely to move the stuff as we were getting ready to replace it. I have to say that I'm a bit stressed about the day it comes down, as I will feel like were in a fish bowl until we get it replaced (I'll have to keep the Hav's on leashes when they go out) And although we are now on good terms with "rock throwing neighbor" he will see this as an oportunity to come over into our back yard until we get the new fencing up...Ugh!


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

I haven't finished reading all the replies yet, but I vote for PRIVACY FENCE and/or some very QUICK growing TALL shrubs!!!! The ones that grow and do make a fence! We planted those along our fence 2 years ago and they were 'babies' but are now starting to give us more privacy.

In the meantime, to resolve the 'hole digging'...I would run to home depot and buy some chicken wire and put that along the side and bury it down a little. We have our whole fence chicken wired so Gucci can't get thru it, but the benefit is it helps keep the rabbits OUT...and other dogs, I suppose.

I am just floored at some people! WHAT NERVE. Her dog isn't entitled to be in your yard whenEVER. That would irk the crap outta me and I'm a nice person. lol There are days I do not want Gucci to get filthy playing with other dogs, sure...and yes, I worry about the 'bigger' dogs and we have one neighbor with a weim/lab mix that is very ROUGH w/ Gucci and she isn't allowed to play with her. We are freinds with the owners and they respect that, fortunately. But I can certainly relate with that aspect of it.

If all else fails, tell her your dogs got diagnosed with a transimissible virus and the vet bills are insanely expensive!. lol Maybe that'll stop her. lol

Kara


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## imamurph (Apr 15, 2008)

It's just a bummer that people who are imposed upon are the ones who have to go to the expense and work to remedy a bad situation...Some people can't afford a fence or cement, as they are just struggling to keep foreclosure at bay..


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## havaluv (Oct 15, 2007)

imamurph said:


> It's just a bummer that people who are imposed upon are the ones who have to go to the expense and work to remedy a bad situation...Some people can't afford a fence or cement, as they are just struggling to keep foreclosure at bay..


I was thinking exactly the same thing, that's not an inexpensive fix! However, if you can swing it, I think you will love having a privacy fence. We have the wooden type, there is a house in our neighborhood that has the white plastic type. It's beautiful and always looks good. It is expensive, but I think it lasts longer, so it's sort of a question of pay now or pay later.

This is a terrible issue to have, I can't even imagine what I would say to a neighbor that says their dog has a *right* to be in *my* yard! I think it would probably shock me so much I'd just stand there open mouthed!

I think a privacy fence is a great solution if you can swing it, and you can still have your wysteria vines too if you build them a strong enough support to climb on. In the meantime, I don't think you should feel guilty about lying if it is the only way you can get what you need. I was remembering Ollie's giardia as I read this...ugly diarrhea everywhere, contagious to other pets and people. Maybe that would work! I also wouldn't hesitate to be more forceful and direct if you don't want to lie. Sometimes you just have to do what you need to do and let other people deal with their feelings about it.

I hope you find a great solution. No one should be allowed to steal your happy home life!


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## mom23girls (Nov 26, 2007)

Julie...we got vinyl b/c of not wanting to have to maintain a wood fence. the drawback is the cost. We had 118' to fence on one side. It was ridiculous, but in my mind, totally worth it! I'm sorry to hear about all you're problems, but glad I'm not alone  I really thought we were the only ones dealing with this issue.


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## imamurph (Apr 15, 2008)

Amy...I'm thinking in the long run though, vinyl saves you big bucks...and always looks nice.

Do the posts last as long?


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## kgiese (Apr 18, 2007)

I'm all for a privacy fence too! Such a shame that you have to go to that kind of expense due to inconsiderate & rude neighbors. If Oleanders grow in your area (they are very fast growing in the south), you can really get some privacy from them, if plants are the route you choose. --You also might just mention to her that you will call the pound to come out and pick up the dog the next time it's in your yard. If she has to pay a fee to bail him/her out, maybe she'll think twice about letting him out of their yard. --I'm not trying to be mean to her dog, but it may be one way of taking care of your situation.

Karen


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## Moko (Dec 11, 2007)

When we first fenced in our yard for our then-dog 18 years ago, we specifically chose the black vinyl chain-link fence because our neighbors were a sweet couple who liked our dog...we just wanted a fenced-in yard so I wouldn't have to be going out in the rain and winter to walk Daisy. Before we even got the fence, we explained why to our neighbors because we would never have wanted them to misunderstand.

We had the same neighbors until 3 years ago, but knowing what I know now, and hearing everyone's posted comments, we should have erred on the side of future-*unknown*-neighbors! Our other two neighbors (back and side) are lovely people, and we always "talk over the fence" because we enjoy them.

Headed out in a little while with Molly and Billy...we walked three miles this morning, so a back-yard romp should be enough for them...but I AM READY! There will be NO misunderstanding my position today...she's made me CRABBY! I'll let you know how it goes!


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## pjewel (Apr 11, 2007)

The PVC fencing is easier to maintain and lasts a lot longer, but it's *much* more expensive. It comes in white and colors. I was going to use it myself when I put my last fencing up (the third time in 22 years). I needed 277' of fence and it was over $11,000 for the PVC (and this was about seven years ago) and the cedar stockade was just about $4,000. Now I'm sorry because the fencing is breaking down yet again.

If you're planning to get privacy fencing just check you local regulations. They're different everywhere and might require a permit. There are also height restrictions in many jurisdictions. That having been said I absolutely vote for the privacy fencing. I put my first one up four days after moving in to this house all those years ago. I wasn't going to risk my dogs' safety. Then put up a small sign next to your gate saying, "no trespassing," or something equally creative so your neighbor won't have to read between the lines.


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## Jill in Mich (Feb 24, 2008)

Julie said:


> .......we are trying to decide if we should go with cedar or the new plastic fence. Opinions?


In my opinion:
Cedar - Pros: Natural look
Cedar - Cons: Having to stain every few years - and you'd be surprised at how fast the cost of that adds up!

Plastic/Vinyl - Pros: Easy to care for, just powerwash
Plastic/vinyl - Cons: Installation cost and not a natural look

Every time I have to stain my fence, I wish I had originally installed the vinyl. After it's stained, I'm glad I have the wood.

Okay Maureen - I'm really working on this one for you.....I like the idea of a 700 Hav playdate - I'll be there.

One of our artists could make you a very nice sign: Entry by Invitation Only

Mary - Billy's the best! There are worse things than having a reputation of being able to accurately target pee and make a statement at the same time?! Do you know how many men wish they could say the same??


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## imamurph (Apr 15, 2008)

When I was a kid growing up in Ohio, NO one had a fence except for us, because we had a built in swimming pool. It made me feel shut in and seculded as I always loved looking at all the wide open lawns.. As a matter of fact, I don't recall dogs running amok either..

I guess that's long become a thing of the past..


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

There are very few fences in our town,only small segments here and there....If I could I would fence the entire back yard for the dogs,but this will only be 40-42 foot,just enough to provide some privacy for us. Before my neighbor passed away--it was wonderful. We loved each other very much--like "family".....but now,I just can't see how I can survive without this fence. Their house is small and it only has a tiny backyard,but it overlooks all of mine . Thanks for the input on your fence opinions. I love the idea of no maintenance,but that intial expense----wow! I'll let you know how it turns out.:thumb:


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## LuvCicero (Mar 31, 2008)

1 -- We had a situation about the same many years ago when my children were small. Our dog played in our fenced in back yard. My children played everywhere and when they went out the neighbor would let her dog out who made a bee line for our yard to play with the kids. I ask her many times to keep her dog home because I was afraid it would get run over and my smallest child didn't like their dog. Finally I got the dog a collar and leash and put it on and waked it home and told her to please not let it run around unattended any longer. That didn't work. So, I got an iron stake to put in the ground for the dog to be able to be ourside "in their yard" and gave it to her explaining that I was worried about the safety of their dog. That didn't work....and she told me to "just leave him alone because he liked to play with the kids when they were outside."
A month later their dog did get run over -- and her husband came over -- with a gun -- drunk --and said it was my kids fault for being outside (in front of my kids). While my husband was talking to him I called the police. What a mess.
Why should you have to go to the expense of putting up a fence? I would put a "no trespassing" sign on my gate -- and call animal control if the dog continued to come into my yard. If she is not concerned about your feelings...why worry about hers.

2 -- Another time we had a toy poodle that my 10 year old was walking on a lease. A large dog a few doors down came running into our yard and snatched the poodle up and took it home where he killed it in his yard -- with the owner kicking him and trying to get him to drop Sissy. We were devastated...especially my daughter. Sometimes good dogs do bad things.

Please be a tough Mom and take care of your babies. I think it's better to lose a friendship - that is not working - than to put your babies in danger.


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## Jacklyn Weeks (Dec 23, 2007)

Our closest neighbors are about a mile away since everyone here lives on a lot of land. Our neighbors have 2 german shepards but we've never had any problems with barking. If I were you I would get a fence up FAST. Those neighbors sounds pretty annoying. That or really start to set your boundaries. Good luck and keep us posted!


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## marjrc (Jan 13, 2007)

Omg, I am in shock from reading your post LuvCicero! How tragic!  

Julie, it really sucks that things have changed and now YOU have to find a solution so you can have peace of mind. Good luck and let us know what you decide!

Maureen, I think a privacy fence might solve some of the problems, but it totally irks me that you are the one having to go through all that expense and trouble. Grrrrr! Life can be Hell when you have bad neighbors. There is a Boxer on one side of us and he and Ricky bark at each other every time they're out. Ricky barks as soon as he steps out our patio door, looking over to see if Bruce the Boxer is out. sigh........ I can't control other dogs or people, but I am working on controlling Ricky. Our deck from the kitchen is above ground level so the fences on either side are useless as we can see into most of our neighbors' yards from the deck. Had I known we'd get a barker, I wouldn't have had the deck designed this way!! lol 

My problem isn't as bad as yours, though Maureen, and I'm grateful I don't have to worry about dogs in my yard. From all the stories shared here, I see there are all kinds of people and dogs and some situations are just terrible.


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## marjrc (Jan 13, 2007)

Mary, your Billy and Daniel's dogs Bogart and Brando would get along great! ound: :biggrin1:


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## nancyf (Nov 6, 2007)

I heard a line on Dog Whisperer once that works in lots of situations--when I want to control a situation, I say, "I'm sorry but our dog is in training. . ." That way I can keep harmful/difficult situations away. But then, some people need the direct approach. I've come to really like my "empty nest" but some people think it needs to be "filled". Maybe your neighbor thinks she's helping you fill a void. Hope by now the situation is improved!


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## Jane (Jun 2, 2007)

Molly, what an awfully uncomfortable situation. Your neighbor has clearly overstepped the bounds of what is responsible and considerate behavior.

BUT, if I were in your situation, I'd strive to maintain a peaceful relationship, as much as possible. Bad neighbors can make life difficult! I'd go with the 
"broken record" approach, telling her over and over again that _"Having your dog in my yard makes me uncomfortable."_ No more reasons, no more explanations, just that, over and over again. She can't argue with how it makes you feel. Giving reasons just gives people more fodder to argue with you about things. The bottom line is that you don't like it. Period.

And for sure, I'd build the privacy fence! And put a simple lock on the gates - easy for you to use, but enough of a deterrent to keep her and her dog out.

Until the fence is completed, I'd escort her dog back to her house, over and over again. With an apologetic smile, I'd just say, again, "I'm really sorry, but I'm just not comfortable having your dog in my yard. Here he is. Thanks."

Good luck and keep us posted. :hug:


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## Redorr (Feb 2, 2008)

Molly - Tough situation calls for tough action (fence) and conversations (1. about the dog and 2. about the fence going in). When you speak to her/him about any of this - always start with what ever might clear the air between you. Either "I feel badly that I haven't settled this situation with you. I want to have a great friendly neighbor relationship. Yet I am so distracted by your dog and worried about both him and my dogs' health and safety, that it is all I can think about." That sort of opening approach may help diffuse the tension or bad feelings. It may or may not get you to the point where you can get them to control their dog...and then you will need to have a conversation with them about putting in the fence.

Again, it helps to start with the direct approach, and some statement to clear the air. "Jane and Jim, I really feel badly that we see the need to protect our dogs by fencing them in our yard. It is not that we don't _ever_ want your dog playing with them. For everyone's safety we feel it would be best to put in a fence." Don't get into any accusations. And as hard as it is, don't assume you understand her/his motivations or point of view.

I do this type of thing in my business a lot. You have to have the conversations to clear the air - even if the fence is the solution. Listen to her point of view, express your point of view and feelings about it, and things could work out. Try to start the conversations with an open mind and the attitude that you want this to work out. You will have done the right thing and possibly can keep ill feelings (and drunken husbands with guns ) at bay.

Please keep us updated. Obviously others have the same issues.


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

My privacy fence (just a 42 foot section) started going in this weekend. I opted for the pvc vinyl fencing. It is rather difficult to install,but we got up 2 sections!:whoo: I feel better already....new people moved into the house and are renting...yik....they are not maintaining the large hosta/flower bed put in last summer....now----I don't have to see it!!!!:bounce:


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## LuvCicero (Mar 31, 2008)

Molly, I hope your situation is better with your neighbor. The man in my earlier post just went nuts I think because of his drinking. We live in a nice area and he is a well know person -- has sold cars to half the people in this town. I think they had gotten the dog for their son and were not "into" the dog themselves. I was very concerned about the dogs safety because we live on a busy highway. I didn't want my children to see it get run over....or try to save it from getting run over. I tried as nicely as I could over and over to explain my concerns about the dog's safety to these neighbors. I find out that some people just don't listen...or care what you feel. 

My pets are like my children. I would go nuts if I didn't know where they were or what they were doing -- and they better stay in their own yard. BTW..this man first got in his car and went back and forth in the highway, running over his dog, before he came to our home with the gun. The police were irate when they got here to see and hear about that. He later came and apologized and a year later they moved I really pray you can hanle your situation without any big problems.


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## Moko (Dec 11, 2007)

I'm happy to say that our "situation" has abated somewhat...for several reasons, I think.

I told them that big dogs have been making Molly uncomfortable (I didn't say ALL big dogs, because Molly really does like big dogs), and for that reason I'm concerned that Molly could be unpredictable if a large dog scares her. Although I don't think Molly even KNOWS she can bite and snarl, the neighbors don't know that, so I let them draw their own conclusions.

I also told them that if I ever felt that Molly would enjoy their dog's company, that I'd call and INVITE her to play, but that THEY would have to come to monitor their dog (NO WAY they'd ever do THAT...part of their sending their dog over was so that they DIDN'T have to watch her!).

And also, I told them that we're planning to erect "fence-trellises" on that portion of the fence to accommodate climbing roses. (I don't think there's any such thing as a "fence-trellis", but again, they don't seem to know that, and it leaves our options open should we decide to do the privacy fence...and we don't have any climbing roses, but they don't seem to realize that either...)!

They still send their dog outside everytime I take Molly (and Billy) out, and the dog barks incessantly, but there hasn't been any intrusion since I made it clear that this isn't a dog-sitting service. We have had guests with their dogs here, but I just don't look next door...and definitely will not make eye contact! So, things are peaceful right now which is how I prefer things to be!


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## Laurief (Nov 7, 2006)

You are funny - I thought the situation was fine once Billy peed on him??
ound:


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## Suuske747 (May 9, 2007)

I haven't read all answers yet....but here are my suggestions...
1. tell her to butt off if she doesn't respect your privacy, 
2. if you can't : man-high wooden fencing, 
3. if you can't or it's too expensive for you and want to be more subtle.... get conifers....within a year they'll be man-high! But they start of shorter, so she'll not be insulted as it seems you only want to green up your fencing...

good luck and stand up for yourself, if people don't respect you then don't worry about their feelings.... YOU are important, do what YOU need to to feel happy and save!

PS: I went for the man-high wooden fencing myself including conifers!! I just LOVE the privacy!


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## Moko (Dec 11, 2007)

I LOVE the suggestion about the conifers!

Why didn't I think of that!!!!!

Thank you!


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## Shada (Feb 4, 2007)

My backyard has a chain link 5ft fence. Huge consideration when buying. 

My last home I fenced in backyard myself with cheaper wire fencing. I would never live without fenced in yard. 
It protects my dogs from other dogs getting it with them. Also of course keeps them from leaving the yard. 
I would never ask neighbors opinions on fencing in my yard or worrying about their thoughts. In my yard I am keeping my dogs safe.. from all kinds of danger. Roaming dogs, running off etc. 
If my neighbors got upset with me for putting up a fence.. oh well. 

For me the chain link is great, doesn't close me in, still have a wonderful view while dogs are protected from unwanted visitors.

Oh, and if your neighbor insists on coming into your fenced in yard, install a lock on gate.. talk to her OVER the fence, she has no right to bring her dog into your yard without your permission. 

Good luck!!


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## RikiDaisyDixie (Apr 15, 2008)

*vinyl fencing*

For those of you who have vinyl fencing, I hear that you never have to do any maintenance. We get dry rot here and are constantly rebuilding the wood and painting. Do you recommend it? We have dachsunds behind us who bark all the time...they are cute but very noisy.
Linda


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

We are currently installing the vinyl fencing,in 6 ft. high privacy panels(not the whole yard). I think it is difficult to install,if you are do-it-your-selfers. I love the look and it easily just washes off with a hose...my only thing with it,being a woodworker myself,is it seems kinda phoney to me. It does not install rigid and strong and tight feeling,like typical wood....it's possible it is designed that way for flexibility but I don't know. The one thing I can tell you for sure----avoid the cheap panels--they are brittle and break easily. You will want to have one with some flexibility for movement so the first ball to hit it,doesn't shatter it. My oldest works for Menards.....he has seen the different quality of the vinyl fencing. If I could afford it,I'd put it up all around my yard and hire the installation!:thumb:


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## Elaine (Jan 17, 2007)

Maureen,
I don't know if they have such a thing where you live but out here in Northern California Home Depot has something that is rolled up and is made of bamboo. You just unroll it and find a way, pull ties or something like that, to attach it to the chain link fence. It is not real expensive and you can bunch it tighter in the areas that the neighbor spies on you at. I use it to keep the dogs from looking through the cracks in the fence and barking. It kind of gives your back yard the Hawaiian theme and gives you privacy with a small amount of expense.


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

We finally finished our fence and I finished the landscaping/mulching today.Here are a few photos.

You can probably see why the neighbor never put one up/nor wanted one----notice--they have virtually no yard to speak of.

I love the way it turned out---not only do I have some privacy,but it gave me a place to plant a few more hostas!ound:

The tall tree,my son Benjamin brought home in grade school for Earth Day and it grew! The pine tree is Lacy's----she brought home a little sprig in a styrofoam cup (also Earth Day through school)and it grew! I just incorporated them------eace:


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## Lina (Apr 26, 2007)

Julie, love your fence and plants! Really nice.


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

Thanks Lina!


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## pjewel (Apr 11, 2007)

Julie,

I love it. Everything looks so pretty. Enjoy your new view.


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Julie - it is just lovely. What a lot of hard work.


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## LuvCicero (Mar 31, 2008)

BEAUTIFUL. I'm sure you will enjoy this view better.


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## Jane (Jun 2, 2007)

Julie, it is gorgeous! Wow, I could really use your help with my backyard! 

You have a green thumb! No plant that anyone ever brings into this house lives. It just doesn't.


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## Scooter's Family (May 23, 2008)

Moko said:


> OK...I just spit coffee out of my mouth (and thru my nose, thank you!) when I read this!
> 
> I'm thinkin' with all your good suggestions (AND innovative solutions) that we should host a humongous playdate at my house and teach ability-training JUMPING over my fence! Hmmm...let me see...that would be about 700+ Havs??? Might just make a point!
> 
> And PS...Billy will feel mighty proud at your confidence in him!


I think I would fly to New Jersey for that!!! I agree that you did "nice" and you may have to lower yourself to her level to get the point across. Maybe go into her yard and let your doggies leave little presents for her to find? If that doesn't work I'd call Animal Control or the police to tell them the neighbor is trespassing, she sounds like a nutter!!!:crazy:


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

Maureen,
How did you turn out? Did you come up with a solution that is working for you now?:ear:


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## imamurph (Apr 15, 2008)

*Would THIS bother you?*

Ok..so here is the scoop..We live on a private easement with two other neighbors (who are some distance behind us) . Directly in front of us is a neighbor whose back yard parallels the easement , though technically he has no access rights. Well, the one neighbor in the back who pays the taxes on the easement gave this guy in front of us permission to access the easement to remove yard debree or load wood though the back of his fence that is directly in front of our house. Now, instead of this guy building a normal fence with a gate..he builds this hoaxy looking fencing that fits between the trees and just "lifts" out when he wants to take debree out or move something in.

THIS hoaxy fence is directly in front of us and is seen from all of our guest bedrooms, our living room and our front entry door (which is a full view glass door)

If you put thousands of dollars into your landscaping and contributed to upkeep and landscaping of the private easement, would THIS upset you??


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

Yes----this would bother me.Why wouldn't the guy take a section away from the tree area completely,and make that new spot a big gated area where you could landscape in and around the tree and it would of been easier for him as well? This makes no sense to have a bunch of tiny repairs and then draw attention to it because it's around a tree? How can he get anything in and around a tree anyway? Also the repairs he has made to the fence sections to keep the sections together should of been on HIS side-----the good side is out towards you....so should his "fixes" be.


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## Scooter's Family (May 23, 2008)

Unfortunately for you, that's a mess. Have you pointed out to him how it looks from your house? Or talked to the neighbor who gave him access? Maybe he could help talk to him and get him to clean it up or put in a proper gate if he's going to use the easement.


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## LuvCicero (Mar 31, 2008)

My first thought was to laugh...then shock...because my DH can build anything and it has to be perfect. Excuse the language, but DH would call this guy a 'dumba$$'. That is BAD. It had to take longer to do this "mess" instead of building nice panels. I can't understand how some people don't seem to care - about their own work - and what it looks like for the neighhood. If I were you, I would talk to the man that gave him access and ask him to talk to this guy about improving the neighborhood instead of creating an eyesore. He should have to remove it and do it right or give up his right to use it. 

Or ask the guy if he will give you the right to plant some climbing roses so you will have a better view. ound:


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## imamurph (Apr 15, 2008)

Actually, this guy is a VERY talented master wood crafter and if you saw their yard and the other part of their fencing you would faint in amazement and wonder WHY he did such horrible work in this one corner..

We have HUGE pines along the left side of the easement, some of which are partly on his property line. Some others that are on the other side of his property actaully have been fitted with wood in such a way that curve along the tree! What he originally did in our front was put this fencing between the trees so he wouldn't have to plant posts and could just lift it out. The fencing around the tree actully had a stair step look (which was also an eye sore) He just recently nailed all of those boards to the holes, as I'm thinking he has had a skunk getting in (he stores wood and yard debree in that corner).

Yes, Julie, you are right , he could have at least nailed the boards on the inside.
I did send him an Email telling him that after we have spent thousands on landscaping that it was very inconsiderate of him to leave us having to look at such a mess. I'm really not expecting a response.. As for the neighbor who pays the easement taxes, He told me yesterday that he agreeded that it was an eye sore and would go talk to him about fixing it. If he doesn't then he is going to lose his access. I'm waiting to see what his version of "fix" is...


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

I'm a woodworker too! I'm not a "master" but I know how to use lots of saws--there is no way I could of come up with something that looked like this! The crazy part is you can't plant anything there to hide it or it would get ruined when he uses his privledges <sp of access. That's nuts! It does sound like your neighbor who pays for the easement is going to make him clean it up though.


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

LuvCicero said:


> My first thought was to laugh...then shock...because my DH can build anything and it has to be perfect. Excuse the language, but DH would call this guy a 'dumba$$'. That is BAD. It had to take longer to do this "mess" instead of building nice panels.


This is what I'd do too!ound:


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## Moko (Dec 11, 2007)

Julie said:


> Maureen,
> How did you turn out? Did you come up with a solution that is working for you now?:ear:


Actually, things have been better since my last Post.

I was as direct and definitive as I could possibly be, and I also told her that Molly and Billy are a bit intimidated by large dogs, and that I couldn't be responsible if one of them were to nip or bite out of fright.

I also blocked all the areas the GR was digging under the fence...used patio blocks and put potted plants on each one. I then told my neighbors that if they didn't monitor their dog's digging that they'd have to replace the plants and the dirt that was removed along with new grass seed.

As far as the privacy goes, I just say hello when I see them, and then go about my business (mostly facing the other way). And, when the GR does bark and paw at the fence, I look the other way when Billy pees on her...


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## Scooter's Family (May 23, 2008)

Sounds like looking the other way is working out great! Good for you for being so patient, I don't know if I could have been.


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

Good Maureen! I'm glad things are working out nicely for you. I guess you just needed to be more assertive it sounds. :clap2:

I'm glad things are going well for you now and you didn't have the added expense of another fence section etc.

Now-----if I can only keep those hunting dogs from digging in my new mulch and breaking off my hostas...:frusty: 
 2 days in a row,I've had 2 hostas broke off and holes dug in my mulch....


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## michi715 (Apr 8, 2008)

I have to second that, I don't know if I could be as big a person as you are.


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Wow Diane - that really is an eyesore. Sure hope that the guy who pays the taxes can talk some sense into the idiot.


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## imamurph (Apr 15, 2008)

Well, he still hasn't "fixed" it yet..and my oldest brother is flying in from out of town tomorrow. He's never been to Oregon..and now he'll have a big beautiful pine to look at out his bedroom window with all of that mess hammered to it....:frusty::hurt:


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Diane - no fair. Here's one of my favorite emoticons for you:


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## imamurph (Apr 15, 2008)

LOL!!!! That LOOKS like my avatar without the hair!!! That's great...ound:


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## marjrc (Jan 13, 2007)

Oh, Julie! That is beautiful!!! You sure do have a pretty yard. Great job! I wish our yard was only a quarter as neat. lol 

Oh my. Diane, that IS an eyesore! Good luck with getting it resolved. And don't worry about it. I'm sure your brother isn't visiting for the view out your front windows. 

Hey, Maureen. Long time, no hear. Glad you've solved your problem with the neighbor and dog. I'm wishing I had a wall of cedars on one side of my house because the Boxer next door is now starting to bug me!! Neighbors there are having an inground pool installed this week and all I can picture is parties and lots of people "in my way" while I'm out on my deck trying to relax. sigh........


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## good buddy (Feb 20, 2007)

Diane, That fence is hideous! I hope he has to take it down and make something nicer.

Maureen, I'm glad things are working out better for you. The plants was a nice idea, you're very clever!



Julie said:


> Now-----if I can only keep those hunting dogs from digging in my new mulch and breaking off my hostas...:frusty:
> 2 days in a row,I've had 2 hostas broke off and holes dug in my mulch....


Julie, Have you ever seen the "Scarecrow"? http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&ke...=aps&hvadid=1101334121&ref=pd_sl_9cyjsmeoka_e


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## Julie (Feb 8, 2007)

Christy,
I never heard of the scarecrow before. That's a really good idea! I may just have to look into installing that in the future.Thanks!:hug:


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## pjewel (Apr 11, 2007)

Diane,

I just saw that mess. Your neighbor obviously realized the step look wasn't going to work for him so he "fixed" it with the mess on your side. At the very least all the ugliness should be on his side. I'd be interested to know how it's finally resolved.


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## good buddy (Feb 20, 2007)

Julie said:


> Christy,
> I never heard of the scarecrow before. That's a really good idea! I may just have to look into installing that in the future.Thanks!:hug:


You're welcome! I hope it works for you. There's nothing worse than finishing your beautiful landscaping and awaking to a mess after the neighborhood dogs have a go at it!


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## JanB (Oct 26, 2007)

Julie, your yard is beautiful! I love that the baby trees your kids brought home are thriving. That makes it even more special.

Diane, that is HIDEOUS!!! If he's such a great woodcrafter does he have a hidden reason for building that "fence" in your line of sight? Gosh I am sorry you have ot look at this every day!

Maureen, glad that your situation has improved and that Billy is still making his statement, lol!


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