# HELP!! My new puppy is REALLY Shy!!!!



## Pamelabous (Jan 19, 2010)

I am afraid that Daisy is either going to be really shy or worse, nervous.

She has been home 2 weeks and has spent most of her time in her ex pen or in our laps as we are working on potty training. She is in her crate all night from 11-6 and is dry in her crate.

Daisy was born on 11/10/09. The breeder said that her mom was shy....:help:

I am waiting on my puppy book to arrive (How to raise a puppy you can live with) and have been trying to train with liver treats to come....not alot of success with that.

Help me Wise Ones of the Forum!!!!! ~Pamela


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## Wyndward Havanese (May 9, 2008)

I would get her into a puppy kindergarten class ASAP. There they get to learn that people are fun, lots of treats are involved, and nothing bad happens. Find a good class in your area, and tell the instructor you have a toy breed puppy, and see if you can get in a class with like sized puppies. It won't help her to be in a class full of crazy lab puppies. Then tell her what you are trying to work on. There are fun games like pass the puppy, that can help with shyness and help get her socialized. The key is to get her out now, and nip it in the bud now while she is still young enough to learn to trust people and strange situations. 

If her mother was 'shy' she may always have a propensity for being reserved, but hopefully you can make the most of it. 

Did your breeder do anything with the mother? Hopefully she wasn't extremely shy. I have a girl who is reserved, and just likes to take her time to warm up to strangers. I call it the princess complex. She just wants to get to know you on HER terms. She's not really shy, she's just making sure you are good enough to be able to touch her. You must be worthy, you know. 

You want to get her socialized so that if she is really shy, she learns acceptable ways to cope with her discomfort, and doesnt resort to being really insecure and snapping or growling. Often really shy or insecure dogs will resort to these behaviors because they don't know what else to do, and it works! If they snap or growl you back off and then they don't have to deal with the situation that made them uncomfortable. Just gotta get this girl some tools in her tool box on how to deal with new people and situations. 

Also, don't over coddle her. Put her down. Holding her and picking her up and telling her 'Its okay" only reinforces her behavior. Generally a very calm, low, 'You're fine" is all I use for puppies that are overreacting. Holding them, telling them its ok, petting them, giving them treats when they are upset, only validates the behavior as correct, and you are rewarding the insecure behavior. 

So, put her down, let her be a puppy, and find a good puppy class ASAP. Thats my advice. Keep us posted! Hope that helps!

Farah


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## Pamelabous (Jan 19, 2010)

Wow Farah!!! That helps soooooo much!! Okay, so where do I find a GOOD puppy class? Are the ones offered at Petco or Petsmart good? How can I go about finding a good fit and how much should I pay...any ideas?? ~Pamela


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## Pipersmom (Jul 27, 2009)

Hi Pamela! I did a google search with my zip code and then visited a few places that I liked from their websites. That way you are able to see the facility, talk to the trainer and they were able to do a quick evaluation of Piper to help place her in the right class. The place I chose has a trainer that formally worked training seeing eye dogs and I felt really comfortable. Most importantly you want to make sure they have some trainer certification and practice POSTIVE reinforcement methods.

The biggest thing that I was doing wrong initially was reinforcing the scared/timid behavior. Picking her up, saying "it's ok" while petting her, etc. The moment I walked in to the training facility carrying Piper, the first thing he said to me was "put her down".

I have a friend that brought her dog to the local Petsmart and was very happy with them. I think you really need to visit and then decide.

Good Luck!


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## Phoebs (May 28, 2009)

You could ask your vet about where to go with her, or you might try looking on Yelp. I walked past classes at Petco and they looked like they were emphasizing the right things. We used an independent trainer, she was really great (google k9essentials in Los Altos CA). She offers puppy training classes and an array of other classes for older dogs, and also pushes weekly puppy play groups. One thing you should understand: YOU ARE IN A HURRY to socialize your puppy. There is a defined window when socialization and bite inhibition can be learned. After that is isn't natural. 
Cart your puppy around with you all over- buy a fundle or a doggie messenger bag or just carry her if she's too young for the ground. Bring plenty of treats. Havanese are magnets for people- have all these strangers give your pup treats. Teach her that strangers are mostly just admirers she hasn't yet met, people are good, people give treats. Most importantly: human hands bring good things (pats and treats). When she's had her shots, have her do the walking, so she can learn confidence. Also make sure you get a pulling/tug toy ASAP. If she is going to be timid, she is at risk for biting if she has trouble learning how to respond to people. Her bite inhibition window closes at 18 weeks of age. She needs to learn before then exactly how hard she can bite others before it hurts. This kind of tug play and toothy play is great interaction with puppies. Make sure to yelp and go totally cold to her when she nips too hard. Give it a rest for a minute and go back to play. She will quickly learn just the right touch with her mouth. 
Enjoy your new baby, I'm sure you'll have a great relationship. Taking her to training classes will really build a great bond while she learns about the world.


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## Havtahava (Aug 20, 2006)

Pamela, where in Northern California are you? With a more specific location, several of us may be able to point you in a more specific direction for training.


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## Wyndward Havanese (May 9, 2008)

Lots of good advice here. Hopefully you can find someone local that can recommend a good trainer/class.


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## susieg (Aug 28, 2009)

Hi Pamela! I am not a dog expert, but can offer some advice based on my experience with Lola.

Lola was extremely shy of people when we first brought her home at 11 weeks. I was so worried! She's now 8 months and still shy, but has made tons of improvement. You've already received some great advice. Puppy classes are key, as well as taking Daisy everywhere and anywhere. I had a trainer recommend that I take Lola to 5 new places a week so she would get used to different sights/sounds/people. Always have a bag of treats handy in case you run into a stranger that wants to say hello. Make sure you tell people to approach her gently & calmly, palm facing up. Its also good to have friends come over to your house. Make sure they approach Daisy gently or they can even ignore her when they first come in and let her come to them. When non-dog people would come over who I didn't think would be able to approach her correctly I would tell them to just ignore Lola. Eventually Lola would go over to them to investigate and they would give her a treat. If they were dog people, I'd have them sit on the floor with her and say hello calmly.

After puppy class, I took Lola to a basic obedience class, once she was fully vaccinated I took her to a park daily where a group of friends meet with their dogs [an unofficial dog park that seemed safer to me than the actual dog park]. Going to the park helped with her socialization with both people and dogs and was great because all of the people there know how to behave around dogs and all of the dogs are friendly and non-aggressive.

As others have said DO NOT feed into her shyness or fear or you will only make it worse. Then she learns if she's scared, she can rely on you to pick her up and she won't build confidence on her own.

I had to constantly work with socializing Lola and it did pay off. At 8 months I still have to make the effort to have her meet new people and go new places. I wish she would have come out of her shell a little more and be a more "typical" social hav. But sometimes you just have to accept your pup for who he/she is. I think some dogs are just naturally more shy....they have their own personalities like people.

I also think the more shy havs might be prone to separation anxiety. Maybe its their lack of confidence that makes them attach to their owner a little more than necessary. So make sure you also factor in leaving Daisy alone for short periods, working up to longer so she gets used to spending time alone. I really went wrong here with Lola. I was so focused on getting her out and socializing her, now she doesn't like to be left alone!

Good luck! Just be patient and all of your hard work will pay off in the end 

ps: At least your breeder was honest with you regarding Daisy's shyness. My breeder told me Lola was the most outgoing puppy in the litter!


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## Pamelabous (Jan 19, 2010)

Thanks so much everyone!! I live outside of Folsom if anyone has an idea of a local puppy class that would work for us. I will be researching today to start one ASAP.

I must confess, I am really thankful that some of you have had shy puppies that have worked through most of their shyness. Daisy is so very sweet and we are puppy training with her mouthing and letting her chew on her chew toys instead of us!!

She will have her second set of shots next week and then we will wait for her rabies at 16 weeks. I have taken her to the Petco several times and held her because she is not fully vaccinated yet. Have taken her on lots of car rides, but have yet to introduce her to friends and their dogs. I was under the impression that she had to have ALL her vaccines before she could meet other dogs, and I thought, hmmmm...then how can I socialize her in the ideal window. 

This forus is just THE BEST!! Thank you all so much for the support and advice...keep it coming!!! :thumb: ~Pamela


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## gelbergirl (Jun 9, 2007)

I've no advice on the shyness, but I can say that is a good book that helped me quite a bit.
kisses to Daisy


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## MopTop Havanese (Sep 25, 2006)

Pamela- I am in Rocklin, you should come over and hang out!
Your Daisy can play with my Daisy!


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## Wyndward Havanese (May 9, 2008)

Its my understanding that if you are going to a puppy class, and out with puppies of similiar ages and vaccines, you should be fine. If you can find a good trainer in your area, their 'classroom' should be kept nice and sanitary, and if they are doing it right, they only allow dogs in their classes (all the older dogs) who have had all their shots, so you are safer in that kind of environment than somewhere like PetCo or Petsmart where anyone off the street brings in their unvaccinated dog to drool all over everything. 8) 

Or like Katie said, set up a havanese play day! That would be so fun!


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## Missy (Nov 6, 2006)

Farah has wonderful suggestions. I would add, try to build up Daisy's confidence. Training and rewarding are a great way to do that. Also, although with most dogs they say never let them win tug of war, with an especially shy dog it helps their self esteem to win once in while. With Jasper who was also timid, we got a hand puppet and wrestled with him with it to try and teach him playful interaction. Not sure if any one would suggest doing this as it teaches them to play/wrestle with your hand, but it did work for us.


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## Tom King (Aug 2, 2006)

Have friends come over and help you. BUT.....make sure they know the drill to start with. I would avoid puppy classes until after you get some help with the following:

Everyone's instinct is to reach for a cute puppy. Make sure they understand to start with that this is not allowed. They need to completely IGNORE her-no talking to her, no eye contact, and absolutely no reaching for her. Pretend she's not there.

Treats are to be used, but not by reaching them out to her. Just visit and talk as if the dog is not even there. Sitting on the floor is good and leave her loose on the floor. Curiosity will get the better of her eventually, maybe not even on the first visit, but when she goes over to investigate the stranger, the stranger has a good treat to offer her. Make no fuss over her to start with, but she just gets a treat and is left alone.

This is the best first step. It would be good to happen with as many different people as possible.

Take her out as much as possible to, to see the world, but make sure people know not to reach for her. Tell them as they approach that you "appreciate their help in helping to train this shy puppy, but please don't reach for her".

It's also important for you to always feel a calm confidence and never feel any anxiety for her. Her knows when you do and it will not help her. She needs for you to be strong.

Good luck and keep us updated,


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## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

Since you like reading ,here is some more. http://www.dogstardaily.com/training/fearfulness and http://www.dogstardaily.com/training/puppy-classes


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## Lynn (Jan 2, 2007)

Pamela,
I just wanted to say Hi and welcome to the Forum. And your Daisy is just tooo cute!

I don't have any advice for you because my two havs were never shy...but I think it is great you can come here and get all this great advice.

I would have to say, it would probably be good for you if you could go to Katie's (Mop Top Havanese) place, she is a breeder with lots of good advice and experience with puppies. If you live close to her, I would suggest that would be really good for you and your puppy.


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## TheVintageVamp (Oct 14, 2009)

Best of luck with all of this, Pamela! Please keep us all updated as to how things are progressing.

BTW, I am totally jealous you are close enough to get to go hang out with Katie and the mop top gang for a day!


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## ama0722 (Nov 28, 2006)

I would also vote for classes asap. My Dora came from a not so good breeder (too many dogs and lived in the middle of no where) and was at first very shy. I don't think it is Dora's nature cause at home she is very outgoing. I just think she missed out on early socialization. I submerged her in socialization and puppy classes to adult classes and opportunities-taking cookies and having everyone greet her and treat her. While she isn't very outgoing with strangers and is now 5 years old, she is a very different dog than when we first brought her home. Good luck and take advantage of Katie and the havanese playdates in your area


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## klf0110 (Jun 30, 2009)

Welcome Pamela and Daisy,

I live in Sacramento and am currently taking my havanese puppy-7 mos old to classes. I choose 4 Paws University which has classes at McKinley Park in Sacramento. It was started by women who are canine police officers. I think they are good so you might want to check them out or their website: www.4pawsU.com


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## rdanielle (Sep 2, 2008)

Hi Pamela, welcome to the forum! Daisy is a doll!

You might do a search and see if you can find a Shy Dog Class in your area. I never knew they existed but happened across one here. I took my brothers dog who was very shy. The first week she was the most nervous dog in the room and by the end she was the most outgoing dog in the group! I learned a lot!

http://www.kimscanines.com/index.php?id=62

With a shy dog you have to desentisize them slowly.

It helps if you can read their body language as there are signs of fear that go unnoticed.

This book is very good in addressing those signals: 
On Talking Terms with Dogs: Calming Signals
http://www.dogwise.com/itemdetails.cfm?ID=dtb527

Signs of anxiety/fear:
Panting
Shaking not just jittery shaking, but like a wet dog shaking
Ears pinned back
One leg up (kinda looks like the dog is pointing)
Tail between legs

When introducing her to strangers have them give her a treat, as she'll eventually see it as a positive event.

Until she warms up to the person she's meeting:
No direct eye contact
Don't let them say her name as that will put more stress on her

Hope this helps!
If you would like I have some articles the instructor sent me that I could forward you. Just PM me your email


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## Pamelabous (Jan 19, 2010)

Okay Katie, we MUST get together soon!! My sister is a Psychologist in Roseville, so I am out your way a lot to visit my family there. Kathy, I will check out your training group and it would be SO FUN to get the puppies together at McKinley park as soon as Daisy is fully vaccinated (another month to go).

I absolutely am a FREAK for research, and so appreciate all the links from everyone...again, this forum is just the best!!!

Daisy is in the backyard now as I type this running all over with our children...she seems much more comfortable outside, but still backs up when we try to bend over and pick her up. I'm off to check out those links!!! I will keep everyone posted for sure!! ~Pamela


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## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

rdanielle said:


> Hi Pamela, welcome to the forum! Daisy is a doll!
> 
> You might do a search and see if you can find a Shy Dog Class in your area. I never knew they existed but happened across one here. I took my brothers dog who was very shy. The first week she was the most nervous dog in the room and by the end she was the most outgoing dog in the group! I learned a lot!
> 
> ...


Renee, that is a good book. Turid coined the term calming signals which is used universally now. What you have listed though are signs of stress. Which she also talks about in her book. 
Calming signals are deliberate communication with other dogs, or sometimes, from the dog to itself. Signs of stress are often involuntary physiological responses, such as such as losing hair or dander, trembling, drooling, sweating from the paws, panting a lot, etc. Calming signals are things such as head turning, splitting up between dogs, tail wagging, curving, sniffing, yawning, lying or sitting down, play bow, freezing, nose licks, softening of the eyes plus others. It is very important to be able to recognize these things especially when training because you can tell whether are ok meeting another dog, just as aggression signs can save you and your dog from an unpleasant encounter.


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## rdanielle (Sep 2, 2008)

Thanks Dave for clarifying so no ones confused  I wrote this late last night so some of it got lost in translation lol!


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## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

rdanielle said:


> Thanks Dave for clarifying so no ones confused  I wrote this late last night so some of it got lost in translation lol!


hey that's cool. In her book it is a little easy to chalk everything up to calming signals. She talks about all these dog signs and it is a little confusing. A lot of professionals confuse the terms and lump all dog body language into one heap. Calming signals are given between dogs and are meant to keep things peaceful. I think people need some .lol


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## TheVintageVamp (Oct 14, 2009)

davetgabby said:


> Calming signals are given between dogs and are meant to keep things peaceful. I think people need some .lol


Boy, could I go for that! Especially this coming week. I'm a florist at Sam's club and am not looking forward to the Valentine's week mayhem....:frusty:


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## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

AAAAWWW ,you'll handle it. Seeing those smiling faces will be almost as rewarding as coming home and seeing Murray's smiling face ,right.?


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## TheVintageVamp (Oct 14, 2009)

:fencing: my customers are more like this as they try to make sure they get their flowers in time....but, I'm sure Murray will help make it all better each evening when I arrive home. He generally does.


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