# When does the "bond" occur?



## stephb11 (Jul 5, 2009)

I feel bad for asking this. We've had Luke right over a week. He's precious and we love having him here (when he's not wearing us out with the repeated trips outside every 45-60 minutes) or chewing on the coffee table or jumping up and nipping at my little girl, etc.  Seriously, for the most part, he's a good little puppy. He is lovable but he's also a typical playful chewy puppy that enjoys being rambunctious. 

But I kind of feel a disconnect even though he's taken mostly to me from the start. He follows me wherever I go and will sit next to me and lay at my feet when I'm doing my hair or washing my face, etc. It's cute. But I feel like he's kind of vacant...like he hasn't connected with me either. When I go to snuggle with him, his first reaction is to play bite my fingers and he always looks away like he's just "there". He does let me rub him but the bond just isn't there yet. I guess I'm recalling the dog I grew up with and how close we were. But I don't remember the early puppy stages either. 

I guess I feel like we're playing with him and taking him out and tickling him, rubbing him, etc and he's become the sudden center of our lives but there's no emotional connection yet.

Will there come a bonding moment or does it just happen over time? I'm sorry if this is a silly question and I'm kind of embarrassed about asking it.

StephB


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## Scooter's Family (May 23, 2008)

I think it will come over time, you have to get used to each other. The new puppy stage is exhausting, similar to having an infant in the house. I think we tend to make it all sound so exciting and wonderful. I don't like going outside every half hour and still cleaning accidents from the carpet! Don't like having my schedule dictated either! It gets so much easier as time goes on but in the beginning it's time consuming, frustrating, and very tiring. 

If he's wearing on you put him in his crate and go out! We felt bad about leaving them but they get used to it and usually sleep the entire time.


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## HavaneseSoon (Nov 4, 2008)

stephb11 said:


> I feel bad for asking this. We've had Luke right over a week. He's precious and we love having him here (when he's not wearing us out with the repeated trips outside every 45-60 minutes) or chewing on the coffee table or jumping up and nipping at my little girl, etc.  Seriously, for the most part, he's a good little puppy. He is lovable but he's also a typical playful chewy puppy that enjoys being rambunctious.
> 
> But I kind of feel a disconnect even though he's taken mostly to me from the start. He follows me wherever I go and will sit next to me and lay at my feet when I'm doing my hair or washing my face, etc. It's cute. But I feel like he's kind of vacant...like he hasn't connected with me either. When I go to snuggle with him, his first reaction is to play bite my fingers and he always looks away like he's just "there". He does let me rub him but the bond just isn't there yet. I guess I'm recalling the dog I grew up with and how close we were. But I don't remember the early puppy stages either.
> 
> ...


Your pup has bonded to you by being around you all the time.

That blank stare is probably a tired look that he needs to take a nap...Dexter does this when he is tired all the time.

Puppies nibble because he is a puppy and he is exploring to find out who you are. Praise the positive behavior like touching you lightly. Yelp for little bites and nips to get their attention and turn your head away for about 15 seconds and then turn back to him like nothing has ever happened. Most likely your pup has walked away and started playing with something else or he is still standing there.....Just play with him.

Teach your puppy how to play with his toys and praise independent playing!

Dexter was 24/7 for me..........first puppy and I am learning.....playing, going outside to have Dexter potty, teaching, feeding, exercising (running Dexter) to wear him out, or whatever........

Puppies are NOT babies! They do not snuggle or show expressions of love like people.

When your puppy jumps up next to you to sit with you, praise. Praise when your pup allows you to pet/stroke him....remember to be touching his feet and praising.

These our my opinions/suggestions.....so, don't blast me, anyone, please. Treat me gently....I really am a nice person and learning...I learn everyday on this forum!


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## HavaneseSoon (Nov 4, 2008)

one more thing..... as I type this with one hand, I am holding a bone so Dexter can chew on it.....Havs expect you to read their minds...sometimes blank stares mean they want to play, pee/poo, go outside or whatever.....


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## Sheri (Oct 11, 2008)

I think the real bonding where you can even begin to know what the other is thinking comes with time. Like Ann said, they are rather like babies...not a lot of reciprocal interaction yet on a deeper level. It takes time. As much as I adored Tucker right from the start, I think it took a few weeks to feel like we'd always been together and were reading each other better and were meant for each other.


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## RikiDaisyDixie (Apr 15, 2008)

*the double edge bond...*

When we first got our Riki, I was exhausted. I second guessed why on earth I ever got a dog in the first place because I had forgotten what a baby puppy was like. I never realized all that my mom did when we were in school. I also forgot that having a dog meant being home more...not like our cats.

It sort of reminded me of the terror I felt when my mother in law left after staying the first few weeks when I had a baby...now what do I do? There was a loss of my old life as well as the joy of the new!

I got a trainer for Riki which helped him settle down, learned some amazing tricks that I didn't know from the trainer, and he became a different boy. Now he is six, and I think about him when I am sitting in traffic or at the dentist office as something to soothe me. Both of mine follow me everywhere, sleep with me, and are the joys of my life. Riki is more independent and sleeps on the floor unless I am sleeping. Daisy is much more of a lap girl.

Wait till you take him on walks and everyone goes nuts at how cute! Yes, I agree, the first months are hard...but he doesn't shed, changes constantly, and loves to learn. Mine do the most adorable tricks and learned very fast. You will be amazed at what he can do!

Also having support from other havanese lovers helped, as did joining a local club and having other havanese friends. I met people on walks, at the dog park (which we no longer use although Riki liked it, Daisy didn't), and found I had a new lifestyle. We entered parades and trick contests...

Oh just wait, the good stuff comes and comes...but it was a commitment. Well worth it! My daughter at 12 doesn't think I am "cool" as much, but the dogs sure do!


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## HavaneseSoon (Nov 4, 2008)

That kind of bonding......like reading your Hav's mind. A few weeks, but you have to really watch them. 

When you can read that they want to potty, you are doing great with the bonding!


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## oohbetty (Mar 2, 2009)

I was feeling the same way with my Hav when I first got him at 8 weeks. I had forgotten about my last dog's puppy stages and was comparing him to an adult dog. Havs are so playful and independent and so aren't as sweet and cuddly when they're puppies as a more timid breed would be. Now at 6 months my Hav is house trained and doesn't bite my fingers at all anymore and I'm absolutely in love with him. He's so sweet. You will get there with your dog. Good job also with the diligent house training. I'll pay off in a few months.
Betty


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## RikiDaisyDixie (Apr 15, 2008)

*nothing like a cute little girl and her dog!*

Adorable dog and child oohbetty!


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## gelbergirl (Jun 9, 2007)

pups are really little babies and I suppose the "return" is little.
Henry and I worked so hard to please each other in the early days.
There is a big pay off , just keep being a good mommy who watches-teaches-disciplines-cares-loves.


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## boo2352 (Dec 18, 2006)

When we first got MacGyver we also had a 12 year old golden. I remember worrying that I didn't feel the same bond with MacGyver that I did with Moffat. After a few months I couldn't imagine that I didn't feel the bond with MacGyver -- I think it increased as my worries over him decreased as he matured. Now I can't imagining life without him.


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## JeanMarie (Mar 2, 2008)

I agree with everyone that the first few weeks I thought: "what the heck was I thinking???? They are a lot of work. The constant chewing about did me in... Those puppy teeth HURT! 
But, week after week, they get sweeter and easier. Keep treats on you at all times. Play the name game...Say his name: LUKE...over and over and each time he looks at you, give him a wee treat. Games increase bonding. 

I am sure you are doing great and soon he's going to be a young adult with manners who just adores you.


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## Sandi Kerger (Mar 18, 2009)

We got Fipsy at the end of February.

I know how you feel about the "bonding". The first couple of weeks, I liked her, but was still unsure about it. My husband was crushed when we first got her, because she would not even go for a walk with him without me being there. He was very sure that we had made a mistake and it took him awhile to come around.

Well here we are 4 1/2 months later, We just had a big 1 year birthday party for her on Saturday (and I have never done that for a dog before). We both said we can't imagine life without her. She is now nuts about my husband and will go anywhere with him and goes crazy when he comes home from work at night. He just loves her to death and calls her "sweetheart" all the time. She is with me constantly all day and wherever I go in the house she follows. She waits at the front door when I go out (we have a glass door in the front) and just looks forlorn when I leave.

I don't know when exactly WHEN the "bonding" happens, but it does happen! And Fipsy has done lots of things that we weren't too crazy about, and has had lots of accidents in the house, but I can tell you we would not give her up for anything in the world!

Sandi.


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## moxie (Feb 6, 2008)

Love at first sight, for me and Moxie.


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## mellowbo (Aug 12, 2007)

I have to admit that with Gabby it was immediate. The moment I picked her up and she snuggled into my neck and kinds squeeked that was it for me. I loved it when she tried to nurse on my neck. Lulu took a little longer because she is more aloof. Vinny was real fast because he too is a lover.
It may take a little for you to feel it but you will. I agree, he already loves you to death because he is everywhere you are. Be patient.
Carole


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## stephb11 (Jul 5, 2009)

Thanks guys! I guess he seems like a different puppy now from when I got him, not that that's a bad thing. But he was SO good and sweet the first couple of days and now he's just such a handful...he's exhausting! And I DO love him, I just get fed up a lot. Like JUST now, I took him outside and we were out there a good 15 minutes and he peed. What does he do within five minutes of coming in? Poo AND pee...again. But last night we had some good snuggle time on the sofa so he does settle down. I guess you're right. It's going to take some time and this is the exhausting phase that we have to get through. 

I appreciate the input a great deal. It helps to know others have gone through this too!

StephB


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

Gelbergirl said my first thought, puppies are like babies and there is a lot of *give* but little in return, except for puppy kisses  But they are also busy exploring the world, too.

I guess there really isn't any specific time when the bond hits, but it just does when you can't imagine walking around the block or snuggling without them!

I really am SO attached to Gucci its not even funny...we have this mind-reading bond that I never thought I'd experience with a pet~~I feel crazy even saying that. lol


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## Scooter's Family (May 23, 2008)

Murphy was love at first sight for me, maybe because he had been given up and I felt like he needed us. The first time I picked him up he licked me and snuggled into my neck on my shoulder so I did love him immediately.

With Scooter I loved him and thought he was cute but I had no idea what to do with him! I remember one night being almost in tears, I told DH I just couldn't sit on the floor for another minute. I didn't take my eyes off of him and thought I had to play with him constantly. This made it hard on me and I would get upset but I was doing it to myself. We were much more laid back with Murphy, we just didn't know what we were doing. LOL

When you begin to get into a routine and aren't worrying quite as much you'll notice how much he makes you laugh and smile each day. I really can't imagine my life without these two goofy dogs, they've brought me so much joy and unconditional love! I've turned into a Crazy Dog Lady!!!


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## pjewel (Apr 11, 2007)

I remember the moments with both boys when I said to myself, why on earth did I do this. I must have lost my mind. Yet . . . the struggles were all worth it. In the beginning, with Milo there was this feeling that he was a loner. He would go off and just lie down somewhere and I felt the bond was missing, even though he followed me around from moment one. Then I attributed it to the fact that he'd lived with his breeder for five and a half months and had a bond somewhere else. After several weeks he was suddenly my puppy.


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## murphymoesmamma (Apr 1, 2009)

Hi Steph,

I loved Murphy from the beginning but I had so many times when I thought "Why in the world did I do this?). The constant peeing, pooping, and chewing was driving me crazy. Murphy goes to work with me every day so alot of the peeing, pooping, and chewing was done at my company. Needless to say there were times that my partner could have strangled Murphy. I remember a few days after he came home with us wondering just what you wonder, and that is how long will it take for this to feel normal? Today Murphy is now ten months old and the bond is definitely there.

Good luck and I know the bonding will come!

Holly & Murphy


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## Jammies (Apr 4, 2009)

*Hi Steph,

Jammies and I bonded right away, but maybe that is because I visited her so often before I brought her home!:angel: I have NEVER had this bond with another animal and I have had several, including the sheltie that we have now that I love to pieces.

I too would (and still) get so frustrated with Jammies when she has an accident in the house. Or she sits somewhere looking at me and I'm supposed to know if she "really" has to go or if she wants to go out and play or who knows what she wants!

But, those times at night when she lays on my pillow and puts her face against mine and gives out a sigh are worth it all. I love her SO much.

Don't worry, the bonding will come. It sounds like it has already begun with him following you everywhere. It will be worth it all, I promise!*


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## SMARTY (Apr 19, 2007)

I loved Smarty from the moment I laid eyes on her. She bonded to me immediately but not to my DH. In fact I thought there must have been some abuse by a man in her life, then found out a lot of Havs act this way at first.

They are Velcro dogs. Tom King said the girls will love you and the boys with be in love with you. 

He is a baby, everything takes time.


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## iluvhavs (Jul 21, 2008)

And get that puppy something to chew on! Every time he starts to chew on your hands, hand him a chew toy. They make great doggy teething rings. Also, bully sticks work great.

Betty, love that snuggle picture on your avatar!


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## good buddy (Feb 20, 2007)

What a great topic! I've wondered this myself, so I'm glad you brought it up. With Rufus it was love at first sight. He followed me everywhere, we were closer than siamese twins LOL! I didn't mind the nipping, the chewing, or the constant trips outside to potty. He was so smart and so loving and funny, I was immediatley smitten.

Marley has been a whole 'nuther story. We have a bond, but it's still developing and he's over a year old. It's been a harder road with him. He's very independant and often chooses to be on his own in the other room. He's much slower to catch on to things and even though he is incrediably sweet, we just haven't developed a really deep bond yet. I mean that bond where you can read each others mind. I think it will come with time. It's just going to take longer.


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## Missy (Nov 6, 2006)

I was just writing in another thread how I love this period with my boys... with Cash at almost 3 and Jasper at almost 4. They are so much more responsive and really trying to communicate their needs...they are more interested and more interesting. 

Jasper was a tough puppy... he wanted to be away from us a lot of the time...would sit in his room and was very independent. He is still independent and would sometimes "rather be alone." He would never cuddle. and rarely came over for affection. But as he grew older he became a bit more affectionate and we know he loves us. Ironically he is who both me and my husband have a stronger bond with because we had to work on it. 

Cash was always a happy go lucky puppy who always had to be the center of attention. when you sat down he was on your lap...poking your hand to "rub meeeee" 
as he has gotten older he is more independent but still my lover who thinks it is all about him... Ironically it is Jasper who tunes into our moods more and is more likely to sit next to you if you are sick or blue...Although Cash at almost 3 is starting to too. 

It just takes time to build that relationship you had with your dog growing up. It will not be the same...but you will build a bond and it has only been a week and Luke is still such a young puppy. Please don't take this wrong because I have done it too...but I think we tend to romanticize the pets of our past. They did no wrong. I did it about Jasper when we got Cash...oh he was much easier to house train, didn't bite, wasn't crazy...well when I look back...both he and Cash were both house trained by 9 months...they both got crazy and yes Jasper was never a biter...but so what. 

You and Luke will build a very strong bond. Just give it a little time.


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## LuvCicero (Mar 31, 2008)

It was love at first sight for me....and 'over the top' for DH.


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## Chasza (Dec 10, 2008)

stephb11 said:


> . When I go to snuggle with him, his first reaction is to play bite my fingers and he always looks away like he's just "there". He does let me rub him but the bond just isn't there yet. StephB


I know this exact same feeling - esp. from one of my dogs. Many dogs do not like to be held tightly, and they don't like it when we put our faces up close to theirs (although my girl is ok with it only if she initates it and only very briefly). She does the same thing if I am "too" close in her face area -- she looks away. I don't know for sure the reasons, but I think it has to do with natural instinct behavoiur. One, I don't think she really likes it. Two, I think that if she were to keep eye contact with me when I put my face close to hers, then it would be saying that she is trying to be dominant over me. I think maybe they interpret our behavour as maybe a type of dominance behaviour, and by looking away, they are acknowedging submission. She certainly does go for the belly rubs. And she will get on my lap at times, and likes some petting. But, lots of tight hugging is something that I think she 'tolerates'. I know she loves me, and shows her affection in other ways. I do think most dogs don't really like to be 'hugged' alot -- I think most 'tolerate' it. Imagine if a huge, gigantic animal were to come up to you and give you tight hugs. Kinda intimidating, don't you think? Even when they love us, and connect to us, and really want to be in our presence, that tight hugging can still be a bit intimidating for them, I think. Looking away during this time does not mean the puppy doesn't want your affection --- he does want your affection and he does care for you. It's different behaviour for them than it is for us.

And do follow the advice about the biting of fingers -- let out a high pitched sharp noise like you've been hurt very, very badly and remove your hand from their mouth. You don't need to be loud, but it does need to be higher pitched. A sharper noise lets them know it hurts. This will take awhile for them to get out of this behaviour, but signaling to them it 'hurts' is the best way to nip this behaviour in the bud. And nip it you should. It took a couple of months of my high pitched "owwwes" before they totally stopped nipping my hands.

Lynn


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## DanielBMe (Nov 25, 2007)

> When does the "bond" occur?


Well if you asked my ex gf she would have said after the 2nd Martini, shaken not stirred....:wink:


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## murphymoesmamma (Apr 1, 2009)

DanielBMe said:


> Well if you asked my ex gf she would have said after the 2nd Martini, shaken not stirred....:wink:


Loved your response Daniel! DH just loves Bond!


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## pjewel (Apr 11, 2007)

DanielBMe said:


> Well if you asked my ex gf she would have said after the 2nd Martini, shaken not stirred....:wink:


ound: ound: ound:


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## Havtahava (Aug 20, 2006)

Leave it to Daniel!


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## Evye's Mom (Dec 16, 2008)

I have to say "love at first sight" with both of mine. Actually even before then. I was challenged on the way home from getting Bentley. I couldn't decide whether to turn around and return him or throw him out the window (howled the whole #[email protected]!#@!#[email protected]# way home). I am so glad I did neither.


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

[email protected] martinis! ound:

BTOT, I have been thinking about this since I posted and I do think the bonds we have with animals are probably similar to those we have with humans and our kids...we all have bonds with our kids but some bonds are stronger than others. I have NEVER been this bonded to a dog where I know what she is thinking and she knows what I am thinking..it is eerie, or she is very, very smart..IDK.

But maybe some dogs are more loving than others (?) They say havs aren't lap dogs, but mine sure is! She'll sit on my lap and sleep on my chest, etc..(til' she gets too hot and then she lays next to me! lol)

Interesting topic, though....With my 3 kids, I'd say I have bonds with all of them, but each bond is different and maybe I'm more in tune with one of them (as in telepathic~emotion) i will even get earaches when they have ear infections, so weird..I've never understood that phenomenon! And my ear will hurt before they get diagnosed, so I'd say thats a bond, ehh?


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## Chere (May 22, 2009)

When we got our two rescue Havs I did have moments of despair that they would never bond with me. Then one started to bond with Steve so I would put my hand near Jesse whenever Steve was petting him. Then I could put my hand on him, then Shadow started becoming interested in me. It really just took time for all of us. I would say it was about three months before I really felt both of them accepted me. Of course, their resistance to me affected the way I accepted them so I had to reassure myself that things would work out in time and they did.


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## stephb11 (Jul 5, 2009)

Thanks guys. I'm loving all the responses! You know - I do feel a little more each day. And now that we've changed Luke's set up from crated during the day to an ex-pen I feel we're all a little happier. He's had fewer accidents and is "asking" to go out at the backdoor more (I'm not sure how or why this occurred b/c of the expen but it did happen right when we did it). And I don't feel badly about him being confined if I'm gone more than 3 hours at a time anymore b/c he has his own little happy space to play or lay in.

We also started puppy class last week. I feel like the class, the training sessions at home and even the travel time in the car are helping us get closer. 

I love all the comments. You guys are so helpful!


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## Leeann (Feb 28, 2007)

Well I am a big mush and cried the first time I held each of my boys LOL

I did notice a stronger bond with each when I was able to take them out to training classes and had one on one time out of the house. And as Missy mentioned the bond seemed to change again as they get older, mine seem more lovable if that is even capable LOL They both still act like puppies but the each need and want mommy love time more.


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## TnTWalter (May 9, 2007)

I had moments of bonding but it did take awhile. Puppies are too much work I tell you! LOL.

Hang in there.


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