# One of my new neighbors is EVIL



## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

You will not believe this story. We just moved a few weeks ago and all the neighbors have been very friendly, one in particular. She has a 5-year old and said that she loved having my girls over to play since she was so busy with her 18-month old. She's had them over swimming every day, turns a movie on in the afternoon and sometimes even feeds them. She's even been sending home little snacks. Kind of strange but okay, I'm thinking she's just an incredible mom or something. One day I sent a note with the girls nominating her for sainthood for being so kind to my girls and told her to kick them out if they were too pesty. The girls have been having a wonderful time. Since she's also a pediatric nurse, I'm thinking that I just got a major bonus in a neighbor, right? WRONG!

The other day I was watching the girls swim in the new mini-pool I'd gotten for them and there's a knock on the door. Through the peep hole I see this strange woman, holding some papers. Thinking it's a bible seller, I ask her to just leave it at the door. Well she wants to wait because she's from...CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES...and I've been reported. :jaw:

OMG - I flung open the door and ask her what in the world is wrong. Apparently some neighbor has reported that my children are dirty, that they smell because they aren't being bathed and are not being fed because they're always hungry. And they are running around late at night without supervision. Hello? She's got to be at the wrong house. Of course I invite her in and she was very, very nice. After about five seconds she says to me, "well goodness, there certainly isn't a problem here."

Thank goodness I've been a foster mom and know how the drill works. They have to investigate everything. I use to have quarterly home inspections that were four single-typewritten pages, so I know how to keep a safe home. So I invite her to interview the girls privately, offer to let her inspect the cupboards and refrig for food, tour the house, etc. We ended up having a really nice chat and I learned a lot about the services available in the county and she's going to find me a good physician reference.

Anyway, the only person who's been close enough to the girls to smell them is this one neighbor. The other two had kids going to bible summer school with them for a week, so I'm sure it couldn't have been them. And I haven't discovered a nosy nelly peeking through her window.

The only thing I've been able to figure out is that this neighbor went on the offensive because her dog bit my oldest and drew blood and is maybe afraid I'll report it. The dog has nipped my youngest on the toosh and has charged me when I was standing in my yard two doors away. They let it out all the time and it never has a leash. I've often had to scoop up Buddy and MeMe if we're walking by and the dog is out because it aggressively charges them too. And the hair is standing straight up so it's not a friendly, "can I come and play" romp. It's a Cocker so thankfully it's not too large.

Anyway, I'm kinda feeling crushed for this to have happened to us. Everyone else has been so kind and welcoming. Needless to say, the girls will never be allowed over to her home again. The social worker suggested I ask her directly if it was her - so I'm going over to ask for that dog's rabies certificate today. Update: Just talked with her and it wasn't her. The girls are still welcome.

I need sympathy! And hugs!

On a lighter note, you can see the girls having a great time in their new pool here: http://www.dotphoto.com/go.asp?l=Van...=Y&ILD=4558086


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## irnfit (Nov 21, 2006)

Wow, that's awful. I guess you must clean up the kids before you take those great pics of them with the pups. :biggrin1: She sounds like she
might be a card short in the deck, if you know what I mean.


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## Cheryl (Mar 17, 2007)

Oh my, Lisa, what a story! Is there a way that you could speak to your neighbor? It sounds like an indredible misunderstanding.


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## good buddy (Feb 20, 2007)

OMG! She sounds like the neighbor from hell! How awful for you. It's hard enough moving to whole new town and trying to make friends and find your wany around. You need to get new doctors and teachers and certainly need support and now this crazy woman reports you to CPS?? As IF!! I would not only ask her directly WHY she reported you, but would request the rabies certificate on her dog. If she can't provide it, I would ask who her vet is and request it from them! You should also talk to your other neighbors and mention the incident. If she does this type of thing right off to you, it's highly likely she's pulled [email protected] with other neighbors too!


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## pjewel (Apr 11, 2007)

That's a horrible story, but I would definitely speak to the neighbor and ask if she did it just in case it was someone else. If she did she has to be a sicko and I'd stay a country mile away. However, check it out first to be sure.


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## CacheHavs (Aug 2, 2007)

Lisa I am so sorry to hear that. I really wish people would mind their own business.

When my oldest son had a speech learning impairment and started a program here that was called "early childhood development" when he was 4 years old. Well when he first started school at age five, the school knew how he was and that he had a hard time explaining things. Anyways one night as the kids were getting ready for bed, they were brushing their teeth and my oldest always thought it was fun to play in the water and get everything soaking wet, my husband went in to get after them to hurry up and quit playing and he watched over them, well my son was standing on a stool and when my DH told him he was done he went to guide him out by putting his hand on the back of his head, well at the same time as my Dh hand was reaching my son started forward at the same time causing my Dh thumb to poke him just below the eye where the bone is. The next day at school the principal was walking by and started talking to my son, he ask him where he got that bruise, and my son didn't know how to explain so he said "my dad got mad at me and tried to poke my eye out"
So you can only guess what happened from there. I mean you could barely even see a mark. So the next day I went in fuming at the school, I told them to use there heads that if we were so mad as to hurt him, you would think that we would do more than try to "poke his eye out".

The SS lady was nice about it and could clearly see that there was no concern, but I know exactly how you feel, and if it were me I too would go confront the neighbor.
Good luck:hug:


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## mintchip (Apr 19, 2007)

:jaw: I know you and your great kids.
:crazy:That person is totally :crazy:


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## Leeann (Feb 28, 2007)

What the **** Lisa, you want me to come over and take care of her for you? :boxing: No one messes with our forum family! :boxing::fencing:


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## MopTop Havanese (Sep 25, 2006)

Oh my~!!
I hope you get to the bottom of this and find out who it was that reported you!


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Thanks guys, I'm working up the courage now to go and see her. I went yesterday evening but she wasn't home. I sure hope it wasn't her and we've got a nosy crazy person around.


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## EstrellaVila (Nov 30, 2007)

WHAT THE HECK!!!!

I cant believe this is happening. We all know you are an amazing parent and the girls are very well cared for. This woman is completely insane. If she is indeed doing this b/c the dog bit your girls, there are some problems with how her brain works. I am glad you knew what to do with the SS worker, I would have no idea if that had happened to me. If you need any help I can send Tad over to deal with that witch.

Lots of hugs for you, I hope you figure out who did this.


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## Beamer (Jan 29, 2007)

Lisa... wow, what a crazy story?! Do you ever speak much to this woman? I guess lots of people seem nice on the surface but are CRAZY inside!! Hope you find out if it was her or not!

Ryan


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Oh and here's the latest picture of my "filthy" kids LOL









You can see the slide show here: http://www.dotphoto.com/go.asp?l=Van...=Y&ILD=4558086

And of course, Miss MeMe adores her new pool shoes.


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## Brady's mom (Dec 1, 2006)

Lisa, your girls are adorable. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I think they are right, you should definately ask your neighbor about it. I worked for our County CPS for 4 years as a social worker. It sounds like you handled things perfectly. CPS knows exactly what signs to look for and it is obvious when there is nothing wrong.


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## CacheHavs (Aug 2, 2007)

I think you need to throw some bubble bath in that pool to get those girls clean:bathbaby::laugh:
_
_


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## Judy A (Jan 13, 2007)

The girls look so cute in their new pool....somebody is obviously a nut case! Good luck in figuring it out!


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## good buddy (Feb 20, 2007)

Your girls look adorable! Give them a big hug from me. They look like they're loving the pool!


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

*I talked to my neighbor*

And it isn't her eace: She is sooooo nice, I just couldn't believe it was her. She said the girls are welcome any time and we had a nice chat. I'm so relieved I can't tell you. Now the girls can still go and play with their new best friend. But somehow I'm gonna find the rat. :suspicious:

Oh and the dog of course had it's rabies shot. It's groomed regularly, so I really wasn't worried but someone said that not all groomers insist on vaccine certificates. Yikes!


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## Cheryl (Mar 17, 2007)

I know that it took a lot for you to talk to your neighbor, but I am glad that you did.


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## Missy (Nov 6, 2006)

Oh Lisa, that just sucks!!!! It would be one thing if it just happened out of the blue, but for it to be someone you thought had befriended you and your girls. Some people just don't have enough to do. Your girls are beautiful.


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Me too Cheryl because she is so nice - I watched her face and could tell right away that she was as shocked as I. Thanks for telling me to go see her.


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## Missy (Nov 6, 2006)

oh phew!!! it's not your neighbor. Our posts must of crossed.


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## Lina (Apr 26, 2007)

Lisa, I'm glad it wasn't your new neighbor/friend, but how sucky for you! I hope you'll be able to find out soon who it actually is!


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## mellowbo (Aug 12, 2007)

Lisa, maybe you could ask your girls if any of the neighbors have been "pumping" them for any information. Or has anyone been trying to find out anything about them. You know what I mean, ask without alarming them or scaring them. Maybe that could point you in some direction?
hugs,
Carole


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## LuvCicero (Mar 31, 2008)

Lisa, I am so very sorry you have had to go through this mess. It's hard enough to start over in a new place without this kind of sh#@ to have to deal with. I have a good friend that worked for CPS for years -- and it's unreal what some people will say and do to cause problems for nice people. Could be that someone in the neighborhood doesn't like your nice neighbor and doesn't want you to be friends with her either. Maybe as simple as someone doesn't like her dog -- so that want others to dislike or mistrust her or treat her badly. Since you are the new lady in the neighborhood they tried to use you to upset her. I know that sounds crazy but people do all sort of things when they have an ax to grind. I do hope you find out who it is that called CPS. Maybe you and your nice neighbor should gather outside and laugh and talk a while -- that will burn up some nosy neighbor.  

This is NOT funny, but I would act like it was and tell every neighbor that I had a chance to talk with to see what kind of reaction I got.
(((hugs))))


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

Lisa, that is horrible!  I'm so shocked that someone would do that, seeing as how, they don't KNOW you well enough to report something like that, and I think it would be proper to discuss concerns with you first.

Are you sure the neighbor isn't just afraid to admit it? I mean, its weird that they would bring food home and then have it reported they are 'starving'...that just sounds so fishy, and I really HOPE she isn't lying and its not her because I would hate to see you stuck with a two faced, backstabbing neighbor like that. Gosh, that would make for misery...because neighbors really can make you miserable.

Dirty kids? Good god, all kids get dirty!!!! I have 7 of them I should know. Heck, and my girls are worse than the boys with all the cartwheels and rolling in the grass. Kids play! Its summertime. 

Ugh. I am mad just thinking about what happened to you, so unfair.

Is there any way you can find out who reported it? It would have to be someone that 'smelled' your kids (and was close) and also someone your kids told they were 'hungry' to. So that limits it, i'm sure.

Could it be the neighbors' husband? sister? friend? maybe she was gossiping and someone else called.

Sorry..I still kinda suspect her  I guess when I read your OP, I was convinced it was her.

kara


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Kara, I know what you mean. But she's either the best actress in the world or telling the truth. She just doesn't have a sneaky bone in her body. The couple next door is very nice, young college graduates - but who knows maybe they got offended when the girls made a "get well" card for the wife who wasn't feeling well and dropped it off one night. :der:

I love the idea of standing outside to gossip! :gossip:


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## mckennasedona (Feb 20, 2007)

Lisa, that is just awful. If it wasn't the friendly neighbor I wonder who it could be and why they would do such a thing. Do you know the circumstances of how the house came to be available? Is there another neighbor who was particularly friendly with the previous tenants and is hassling you as a sort of payback? I'm sorry this had to happen. If you find out who it is Steve would be happy to join Tad in taking care of them.... (so to speak).... I once offered to have him and and our neighbor Alex just happen to be cleaning their M1 Garand rifles in Elaine's front yard if she ever gets any weirdos wanting to come look at puppies. I'm sure they could clean those same rifles in your front yard.:biggrin1:


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## mintchip (Apr 19, 2007)

mckennasedona said:


> Lisa, that is just awful. If it wasn't the friendly neighbor I wonder who it could be and why they would do such a thing. *Do you know the circumstances of how the house came to be available? Is there another neighbor who was particularly friendly with the previous tenants and is hassling you as a sort of payback? *I'm sorry this had to happen. If you find out who it is Steve would be happy to join Tad in taking care of them.... (so to speak).... I once offered to have him and and our neighbor Alex just happen to be cleaning their M1 Garand rifles in Elaine's front yard if she ever gets any weirdos wanting to come look at puppies. I'm sure they could clean those same rifles in your front yard.:biggrin1:


Great idea Susan! Wouldn't a real estate agent or someone like that know something as well. Was there someone else who wanted the house but you got it?


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## Jane (Jun 2, 2007)

Lisa, thank goodness that ordeal is over! When I was reading through your post, I really didn't think it was the nice neighbor that turned you in, and I was glad to read that you did talk with her to clear things up.

I suspect someone who is _not _that close to you turned you in - someone who doesn't really know you and your girls very well (because if they did, they'd see how well taken care of they are and what a wonderful, friendly person you are). Probably just a grumpy troublemaker somewhere on the outskirts of your new community. 

You have my complete and total sympathy and a :hug:! Your girls have always been very delightful and polite when I've seen them and when they came to the playdate at my house.

I wouldn't have the slightest idea of what to do if CPS came to my door. You handled it all impressively well!


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## Cheryl (Mar 17, 2007)

Lisa--just a thought! Did this CPS lady know your name and your children's names? Is it all possible that this is a fairly old claim and the CPS was investigating the prior tennants?

Also, is your friendly neighbor aware of any bizzy body sort in the neighborhood who could have placed this claim.

Just a couple thoughts.....


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## Kathy (Nov 9, 2006)

Me&2Girls said:


> And it isn't her eace: She is sooooo nice, I just couldn't believe it was her. She said the girls are welcome any time and we had a nice chat. I'm so relieved I can't tell you. Now the girls can still go and play with their new best friend. But somehow I'm gonna find the rat. :suspicious:
> 
> Oh and the dog of course had it's rabies shot. It's groomed regularly, so I really wasn't worried but someone said that not all groomers insist on vaccine certificates. Yikes!


Lisa,
I am glad you went and spoke to her, because if nothing else, she knows you were cleared and all is good in your home. However, I wouldn't trust her. I would bet after what you told me this morning about her own home, that this isn't the first time she has probable called CPS. Also, being a supposed nurse, she would know who to call.

Be careful my friend, sounds too fishy too me.


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Great ideas guys. As to someone being unhappy the previous tenants moved out - I don't think so. Apparently it was a young vet intern and her husband and they rode very, very loud motorcycles. So a few of the neighbors are much happier. We did put our heads together and try and figure out who it could be but nothing came to the top of our minds. I've got a half-baked idea to walk door to door to everyone, introducing ourselves to the few we haven't met and see who gives me a funny look.

On a side note though, the girls and I had a lovely afternoon visiting feed stores and playing with the ornamental chickens and wrapped our day up with the most delicious Mexican food I've had in a long time. I am so fat and happy without even having drank a margarita - I can't imagine how good I'd feel after a pitcherful afternoon. Can't wait until the girls start school and I can go have a liquid lunch. I rarely, rarely drink, but boy after the last few days, I think I deserve a nice pitcher of those nummy margaritas. Anybody up for a roadtrip? Amy we're going to be about 2 hours from your playdate. ound:


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## Cheryl (Mar 17, 2007)

Wow! A road date for Margaritas? Katie could I spend the night? I am such a light weight when it comes to alcohol.


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## Mizell26 (Aug 2, 2008)

I am saying this on the joking side...but I can see you bathe your kids the same way I bathe mine...a dip in the pool...no time for a bath...just sit in the pool for hours. LOL! I am a teacher but my main degree in Social Work...oh yes I have made those lovely home visits. I am soooooooo very sorry for you. However, be careful of your neighbor. Remember people don't have to be honest about turning you in because you will never be able to find out who ACTUALLY did the reporting. If my dog had bit your kids (if I did read it correctly) then I for sure would not say, "Oh yes Lisa I called and reported you" Sounds like the OCS worker might have gave you a clue when they said to ask her directly but then again it might not have been her. I would just be VERY careful. Why not see if her children can come and play at your house for a few days in a row...and see what reply she gives you....and that way she could have a bigger break from her 18 month old...she could go grocery shopping by herself...WOW! that would be nice...


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## MaddiesMom (Apr 1, 2007)

What a strange (and upsetting) thing to happen Lisa. I love a good mystery, but not one like this. I bet you'll eventually figure it out. Neighbors tend to gossip, and if there's one that tends to cause problems, you'll find out over time. I'd make a point of meeting all the neighbors and introducing myself. See if anything unusual is said or you pick up on anything.

Glad you had a nice relaxing afternoon. Great mexican food always puts me in a good mood!:hungry:


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## Cheryl (Mar 17, 2007)

All RNs are expected to report suspected problems. And although I would never bring any questions up prior to a report, I would definatley be open minded after a report is made. If I made a report and somebody confronted me, I would explaine why I had come to that conclusion. Remember--we are trying to help the kids!


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Cheryl, I asked the same question if maybe she felt compelled being a mandated reporter and the social worker explained that only in their "mandated" capacity are they required to report. So when I was a foster mom, I'd only be required when I was performing that job function. She said many people confuse their responsibility. I certainly didn't know - I thought I had to report everything and it made me very uncomfortable. But the bottom line is that you have to protect kids. It's way better to be safe than sorry. We have very few major problems here in our county but she said there have been nasty incidents recently in close by, larger counties.

Mizell - good point and I did offer her a break by having her five year old come up here instead.

Cheryl, to heck spending it with Katie - I've got extra room and we could giggle the night away. Maybe Katie could come here and we'd have a sleep over. Goodness I haven't done something like that in years. Sounds fun.

And I do appreciate everyone's warnings not to just let this sit at face value. Once I speak with a few other neighbors, I'm sure I'll get a better feel for where this might have come from. If I don't find out, my girls certainly won't be playing with the neighbors at their house. Not worth the trouble. Thankfully the girls have each other and enjoy playing together.


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## Mizell26 (Aug 2, 2008)

Hey Lisa I would continue to invite her over...maybe eventually she will allow her and then her daughter can report to her what a great person you are. If she never allows her to come---well then I would say hint taken...but that is my point of view. Good luck! And I would talk with other neighbors and see what the word is from other neighbors....being new to the area...better to be safe than sorry! As you said they have each other and sometimes that is just enough.

Tammy


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## good buddy (Feb 20, 2007)

I'm glad you spoke with your neighbor and let her know the accusations came to nothing. I'm a wee bit cynical (on my dad's side) and I would still wonder about her. Like others have pointed out... there's something fishy here. Either way let it rill off your back like water off a duck! Put on a smile and continue to enjoy life. There's nothing that bothers a trouble maker more than to see they had no effect!


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## isshinryu_mom (Mar 23, 2008)

My thoughts, as I read your first post (before getting to the end and seeing that it didn't appear to be the neighbor who made the report), was that it seemed odd that your neighbor would be spending that much time alone with children she'd just known a few weeks. I don't feed young children in my neighborhood meals without calling their parents (unless they've been left in my care for babysitting type situation) and don't send snacks home with them either.... and I am talking about children and moms I've known for eight years. And I am the "fun" mom on the street. Though I am also probably considered a bit cautious too. 

I am hesitant to write this because it may not come out right... it is so hard to type and have it actually sound like one means it to sound.... but I think I would really take this relationship a lot slower. Certainly she isn't going to admit she reported you when the caseworker found no cause for the complaint. And if she is some kind of kook she may have a LOT of experience in fooling people. You never hear, when a situation goes horribly wrong, people say, "yeah, we knew our neighbor so-and-so was a nut-job but we let the kids play there anyway." You hear, invariably, "but they seemed like such a nice person."

Your neighbor is most probably a very nice person (afterall, most people are). She is probably going to be a wonderful friend to both your girls and you. But someone you have known a mere three weeks is really just a stranger to you. Spend some time with her and your girls getting to know her and build up to whole afternoons of her and your kids alone. From your posts and your responses you seem to be a wonderful mom with wonderful girls. I hope you will take what I've typed as concern, not criticism. It isn't criticism at all... I've just had a close connection with a couple of people who, behind closed doors, were total psychos and the world thought they were absolutely wonderful people... trusted, highly respected, professionals who worked in schools and with children. I am only writing this because your post concerned me.


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

> My thoughts, as I read your first post (before getting to the end and seeing that it didn't appear to be the neighbor who made the report), was that it seemed odd that your neighbor would be spending that much time alone with children she'd just known a few weeks. I don't feed young children in my neighborhood meals without calling their parents (unless they've been left in my care for babysitting type situation) and don't send snacks home with them either.... and I am talking about children and moms I've known for eight years. And I am the "fun" mom on the street. Though I am also probably considered a bit cautious too.


Exactly! The behavior is bizarre. And Lisa, sometimes your first intitial instinct is the one you need to listen to, your gut feeling, intuition, in its pure/true form.

I hate to sound like the critic, but just go slowly with this person. There are some GREAT actors out there, and Lions in sheep's clothing. Her reaction of "shock" may have been just from you *confronting* her. maybe she never in a million years thought anyone would have the nerve to confront her for doing anything 'wrong', and that's another thing, no matter how you worded it to her, she probably went on the defensive denying it, did she?

Because look at it this way, anyone that would be courageous enough to 'admit' it to you, would be courageous enough to knock on your door before calling the CPS and say..

"Hey, what's going on? do you need help buying groceries? Can I pick up anything at the store for you, I'm going later? Can I bring over a pot roast for dinner? Do you need help with your kids while you unpack? Can I help you out til' you get settled in? etc."

Just tread cautiously.  We love you and don't want to see you get burned.

Kara


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Okay, I promise to take it slow. My sister always worries about me because I am naive about people - I want to believe the best about them and have gotten burned. In fact, I've been more honest with you loving and caring people than I have been in a long time. I have to remember that not everyone is as special as the forum family. We're just so blessed to know each other here.

Ann, don't ever worry about what you say because I know it comes from a place of caring and concern. It's far more important to say it and then try and explain than to hold back when you have experience that may help someone. 

What everyone has shown me is that I really need to remember that there's a difference between my "protected" conversations about my girls and their general friends. Both are adopted foster babies, so all their lives the people interested in us had "professional" relationships and were bound by confidentiality - social workers, doctors, public health nurses, speech therapists, teachers, other health specialists, adoption workers, court workers etc. I think because she's a nurse, I placed my neighbor automatically in the "confidential" category when she shouldn't be.

Wow - I'm just amazed by everyone here. I've never know such a group of smart and caring people. I'm shaking my head in disbelief and wonder. What a truly new brave world we live in when an electronic communication device like the internet can bring together and build such a special community. I know our breed is special, but I have to say that they do attract the most fabulous group of people I've ever met. Not to sound flip, but the forum family rocks! eace:


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## mintchip (Apr 19, 2007)

Me&2Girls said:


> Okay, I promise to take it slow. My sister always worries about me because I am naive about people - I want to believe the best about them and have gotten burned. In fact, I've been more honest with you loving and caring people than I have been in a long time. I have to remember that not everyone is as special as the forum family. We're just so blessed to know each other here.
> 
> Ann, don't ever worry about what you say because I know it comes from a place of caring and concern. It's far more important to say it and then try and explain than to hold back when you have experience that may help someone.
> 
> ...


Lisa you are right and a super person as well!!


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## isshinryu_mom (Mar 23, 2008)

Me&2Girls said:


> Okay, I promise to take it slow. My sister always worries about me because I am naive about people


I bet it isn't that your are naive so much as you are a loving and kind person yourself and tend to see others from that bias. I think many people do that, I know I do. That is why it is great to have people to bounce things off of who can say "but did you think of it this way?" I am sure you will handle the situation wonderfully. You sound like you handled it far more maturely than I would have anyway!


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## trueblue (Jan 22, 2008)

Wow, Lisa...I'm just reading this thread today. That is an absolutely bizarre situation! I'm glad everything worked out, and thankfully, you knew exactly how to handle it. But, I'm with everyone else...I think you need to watch your back with that neighbor....I'm seeing the beginnings of a Lifetime movie plot, and don't want you to be hurt.


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## mckennasedona (Feb 20, 2007)

I'm with the others...I'd tread carefully around that neighbor. It seems kind of odd that she would let the girls spend so much time at her home and send food home with them. It wouldn't be so strange if she'd known you and the girls for a long time but having JUST met you, it seems strange to me. You sound like you have it well in hand though.


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## mellowbo (Aug 12, 2007)

Lisa, a few days ago we got an unsigned typed letter in our mailbox telling us to stop our dogs from barking when someone with a dog walks by or they would tell the homeowners association. I know who wrote it so I went to her door as nice as can be and asked her if my dogs bother her. She said, oh no, and was very sweet. Believe me, she wrote it but couldn't admit it when I faced her. My point is, as everyone else says, just be cautious. Many people will not admit what they have done when faced with it. 
Carole


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## Posh's Mom (Dec 20, 2007)

Lisa, I'm with everyone else here....

You do seem to be a loving and generous person, which is obvious from all of your heartfelt and honest posts. I never thought I would "meet" people online, but this has just turned out to be the most fabulous place and I do hope we get to meet in a couple of weeks.

I would say that this "generous" neighbor has been trying to "educate" you by sending home "care packages" and I would definitely be kind to her (which I'm sure is your innate nature) and most definitely not allow your kids to be with her without you. I can't imagine it was mysteriously some other nosy neighbor, seems like this woman has way too much time on her hands, even with two small children, or maybe some sort of disorder, or who knows?

Can you do a background check on her? I know that seems like a strange and "harsh" thing to do, but I've done it with my closest neighbor who seemed "off" to me and found out he's got a twenty year felony drug history. Let's just say my children will never be going over to play with his kids. I know some folks are very successful with rehab, and so forth, but I feel in my gut that this guy is not okay.

Man, you most definitely should not have to deal with this sort of crap.


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Wow - good for you Amy - I'd never have thought of doing that. I do know that the ex-wife of the husband got into drugs very heavily so perhaps the new wife is hypervigilant. Although I do have to thank my property manager for doing the "molester" check before we moved in. Since she lives fairly close by she check the website quite often. Scary, scary times we live in. I do have a question, Amy. Did you just pay one of those background investigation firms? Don't you have to have more than a name and address?


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## Posh's Mom (Dec 20, 2007)

In the beginning search I just used the online search provided by the minnesota department of justice to see if he had a criminal background I needed his full name, which I got from doing a search on his address. I had to choose between a couple of guys with his name, but there was one name that was closest to his age. Since this time a good friend of mine, and closest other neighbor in my area, is a police chief and he checked out his background after I told him that he was firing shot guns late at night and driving his truck erratically around his pasture, seemingly trying to "kill his dog" for fun.
I've tried to stay on this guy's "good side" making small talk with him and being polite, but I NEVER invite him in to my house, or over for a beer or anything as I would with my other neighbors. Actually, I am pretty sure that he is basically dumb, but harmless to me, but it's the people that come to his house that I'm worried about.
Although your situation is totally different, I still might try and find out some more concrete info, if you want to, about your neighbor and in the mean time be kind but not too friendly with her. It all just sounds so weird.


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## good buddy (Feb 20, 2007)

Me&2Girls said:


> I do have a question, Amy. Did you just pay one of those background investigation firms? Don't you have to have more than a name and address?


You would be amazed at the stuff you can find out for free on the internet. Google in his name with arrests, or your local police dept, local jail...any other ideas you can come up with! Some citys have all kinds of free information and then some are more resrticted. Even though your landlord checked you might still check the sex offender site for who might be local to you just so you know. Mine shows pictures and I asked my son if anyone looked familiar. *One picture I brought up scared the beejezees out of me, it was an ex-co-worker!


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Good advice Christy. Believe it or not they have to disclose it on the rental agreements now. Can you imagine? I know that you can get quite a bit for free on the internet and since I have their names, address and phone, I might be able to learn quite a bit.


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

WOW Amy, that's scary!

With the younger generation, you can find out just about anything via blogs! lol I'm always amazed at all the personal info people will put on blogs these days, I lecture my kids...

Carole, 

That is SOOO petty! Omgosh. My DH used to be the president of our HOA, and i made him resign over sh*t like that. Seriously. Our phone would ring at all hours of the day and night with complaints like that!!! Very TRIVIAL complaints against neighbors. I mean, really. Dogs bark when someone walks past the house, that is what dogs do. lol Get over it, already. *sigh*

Its hard figuring some people out.

There was only lady that complained that a dog PEED in front of her house on the PUBLIC property! Not poop, pee! There wasn't even a yellow spot on the tree, and it was a public tree! lol

**shakes head**

Lisa, your neighbor ... hasn't she ever moved before? Of course you are busy unpacking and not quite on a schedule! We lived off pizzas during moves and my kids survived just fine. lol Probably happy to eat a lot of pizza!

Kara


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Yes, that's kind of what confuses me - they'd moved from a model like ours in the court to the bigger model house - so she's got to know what it's like.

Oh man, can my kids eat. Last night after dinner, it wasn't 20 minutes later that the girls demolished two bananas each, a fruit cup, some chips, a bowl of popcorn and ice cream sandwiches. If you'd asked them if they had dinner, they would have said, "nope." We've been practicing answering the question "what did you have for lunch" since preschool and to this day, they can't remember most of the time. ound:


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

Me&2Girls said:


> Yes, that's kind of what confuses me - they'd moved from a model like ours in the court to the bigger model house - so she's got to know what it's like.
> 
> Oh man, can my kids eat. Last night after dinner, it wasn't 20 minutes later that the girls demolished two bananas each, a fruit cup, some chips, a bowl of popcorn and ice cream sandwiches. If you'd asked them if they had dinner, they would have said, "nope." We've been practicing answering the question "what did you have for lunch" since preschool and to this day, they can't remember most of the time. ound:


Oh gosh can I relate!

Try feeding SEVEN kids with bottomless PITS for stomachs! We buy many things in bulk at BJ's and those are gone over a weekend. I ask "who ate all the ____?" and they all look at each other and POINT! ound: Umm, okay.

SO, my next way to find out, is go to their rooms and look in their trashcans and UNDER THEIR BEDS!!!! :frusty: (we are having a few problems with that here lately with the younger ones!) lol

I'm just sayin'...its really hard to get into a schedule for a few months after a move, you probably won't be into the full swing until after school starts. That's when I find its easier to manage my crew! They are tired after school, therefore..more cooperative. lol

Kara


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## Poornima (Jun 29, 2007)

Lisa, I have already pmed you. Please be careful. I have come to know you and your daughters to be kind, caring and generous and I can't imagine that someone would want to cause trouble and hurt you. Hope you are able to get to the bottom of this soon. Take care. Hugs and kisses from Benji and Lizzie.


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## JASHavanese (Apr 24, 2007)

The girls look great in the pool! Wow you've been through the mill.....welcome to the neighborhood! Sheesh! I hope you're able to get to the bottom of it. Kids hear more than parents think so your kids may hear from other kids who did it. I'd go to each of the neighbors and talk to them. 
CPS came out to my house when my kids were young and the man took one step into the living room and said that was as far as he needed to go and could see the report was nuts. I forced him to go through every cabinet and every room in the house LOL. He did an interesting thing though. He sat down and talked to me and told me who it was that called. I told him no way, that person would never call with such an insane report on me, then he gave me their address and phone number and told me everything they said when they called. Wow, you could have blown me over with a feather. The good news is that if this idiot calls against you again, they are going to know right away that all is ok.
On the other hand, I've called CPS on someone. I had to do a home visit because I was the president of a club they asked to be in and OMG I've never seen a house before or after that was like that one. There wasn't one place in the entire house that you could see the floor and it was a foot deep in clothing, plates, trash, and who knows what else. The man warned me to watch where I stepped because they hadn't been able to find the cat head that their dog brought in!!!!!!! How could you watch where you stepped when your foot was sinking so deep in trash? The counters were stacked so high with dishes that had food left on them that I was afraid it was going to all fall over and land on the kids. Heck if the dishes landed on the floor they probably wouldn't have broken as they'd have all the trash to break the fall.
I told them I was going to call CPS for the welfare of their children and them. CPS gave them 2 weeks to bulldoze that mess and people from our club jumped in and helped them. We did let them in the club. This was a family that needed help and someone to keep them on the right track and we figured if we didn't do it that the kids would suffer.


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## havanesebyha (Apr 25, 2007)

Lisa, I agree with everyone else and would tread lightly with this neighbor! It is starting to sound like a an episode of out "Despirate Housewives". Your daughters are so dear and you are such a nice person and this neighbor seems very bizzare. I have four children and never have come across something like this. I would go slowly with this lady and go visit with your kids or invite her kids over to your house. You may be surprised what her own kids say and do. Maybe she is very innocent and did not do anything, but it seems very strange that she is the only one your kids have had a lot of contact with. Please be careful ... we all want you and the girls to be safe!


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## Tritia (Nov 17, 2007)

First off..great pics!  Your girls are just adorable.

I also wanted to agree with some others that if this lady DID do it..I doubt she'd admit it. She kind of sounds like the only option to me.

Several months ago my oldest had a friend from school, and the neighborhood that would come over here ALL the time. (11 yrs old) She was more then welcomed. But to be honest, it bothered me that her family would allow her to spend so much time at my house. A few times I tried to send her home at dinner time, to see her sitting out in my flower bed waiting for the boys to be done and go back outside. So, of course I'd invite her back in. Have her call her mother and ask if she could eat with us. This happened 3, 4 times a wk? We took her to church on Wed. nights with us, and on Sunday mornings. She'd come over after school and do homework with Ethan, then leave around 8 at night. Every time I'd talk to the step-mom, I'd get "as long as she's not bothering you, she can stay as long as you'll have her. Just kick her out when you need to". What killed me, is that I NEVER met this woman. My dh and the kids drove her home one night because it was raining. And he tried to introduce himself to her. You know.."hey, I'm the one that feeds your kid almost every night, and is thinking about claiming her on my taxes", lol. Ok, he didn't say any of that..but, wanted to. She didn't have much to say, but "hey". VERY odd family, to say the least.

One of the last times we had her over was on a Sunday. We picked her up at 9 for church, and when we went to drop her off..nobody was home. Now, she was ALWAYS left alone, or with the older siblings. This time they not only left, they locked all the doors. She couldn't get in. When she tried calling the cell phone, the older sister would pick up, laugh at her and hang up. So, we had her until 8 pm!!! Lunch, dinner, nap on the couch. She really felt like she lived here. One day we said we were running to Wal-mart, and she could go with us or we'd drop her off on the way out. She said she'd go, because she loved us and we were more like her family then the one she had. UGH! This broke my heart.
We took her to Toys R Us one day, and she walked around with her mouth wide open. Claimed she'd never been to a Toys R Us before (it's not far from here). We'd take her out to eat, and she'd eat like she'd never had food before. Same as when she'd come over. Only problem was, she'd have to push all her food to the front of her mouth, because her back teeth were almost rotted out  
Anyways, I started asking more about them to friends and neighbors. Then, called the principal at the school. Told her everything, from her teeth to being here at all hours of the day and night. She said she'd speak to the counselor who had dealt with the family before. I didn't think any of it was right, and wasn't sure what I should do. If anything. Then, she stopped coming over. She'd run past the house to get to other friend's homes. And would only sometimes say hi to my little boys out there yelling hello to her (they loved that girl) My son said she still talked to him at school sometimes. But, he didn't know what was up with her. And honestly, he's a boy. He didn't care, lol.
I think it got back to the family that I was concerned. And they told her to stay away from our home. I think they had good reason to worry. Because some of the things I was hearing and seeing seemed like major neglect. 
And to be honest, if I had called on them. I bet I would have denied it left and right had they approached me. One of the reasons I didn't want to report them, is because I didn't want it to get back that it was us. And her not be able to come over any more. I saw that little girl's face light up when I'd let her help make a pie, or plant flowers with me. Stuff her step-mother had obviously never done with her. Took her not coming around any more to realize it was never my place to try to give her the things she didn't have. 

My little boys, 6 and 4 obviously aren't allowed out of our yard. (and only outside when I'm with them) But, my 9 and 11 yr old can ride around the neighborhood on their bikes. They can only stop at friend's homes if they've asked me. And there's only one friend that they're allowed to go INTO the home. And again, only if they've asked. And no more then once a week. The others, they can only play outside because I don't really know the families. It takes a WHOLE lot of time for me to trust someone with my kids. 
And the only kids we allow inside our house now, are the kid's real friends. Not just random nieghborhood kids. We have some new neighborhood kids that moved in last month, who ask daily if my kids can come over. I feel bad, but the answer is no. I've yet to meet the parents. Or have THEM invite my kids. (I don't go for kids inviting kids over. I like to know an adult wants them, too  )But, they're more then welcomed to play in my yard


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## isshinryu_mom (Mar 23, 2008)

Oh, Tritia, that is such a sad situation... it would have broken my heart too! I never know what do to in those kind of relationships, wether I am helping or not and what kind of effect it is going to have on the child (or my children) in the end. I hope someone can help that little girl someday. How sad.


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Wow - what a story Tritia. I know you think that it wasn't right to give her things she didn't have but I so disagree. For a short period in this little girl's life you showed her love and happiness. Your spot heaven is reserved for sure. She will remember you all her life. You were right to talk with the principal - someone who knew the whole family and has the resources to make an appropriate intervention. 

The story about the club chipping in to help a family out is wonderful. We all need community and sometimes life is just a bit more difficult for some people and maybe this was just what they needed to get out from under.


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## Poornima (Jun 29, 2007)

Tritia, it was so sad to hear about the little girl. It was so nice that you gave her the care and time that she needed. I hope that she will appreciate it and value it as she grows up.


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## JASHavanese (Apr 24, 2007)

Oh Tritia, that poor little girl. Your house was probably where she found love. How sad 
What the heck is wrong with some parents?????????


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## Thumper (Feb 18, 2007)

That's quite a story Tritia, it reminds me of a situation on my street (one little girl practically lives with another family and the 'other' family is always joking that they are going to claim her on the taxes..and they SHOULD!) SO I know exactly what you went through, I see it happen on a daily basis.

You did the right thing having the counselor look into it though, maybe it was the wake up call that the stepmom and dad needed.

Keep her til your sick of her and kick her out? How sad. 

Kara


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## ama0722 (Nov 28, 2006)

Sorry Lisa, I am slow to get to this. Sounds like a crazy week! And boy do we have some forum detectives!!!! While I can't offer any advice other than ask Kathy where to go for margaritas and maybe skip inviting the neighbors  I just wanted to send hugs :grouphug:


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## Me&2Girls (May 11, 2007)

Amanda, I've already found the world's biggest Margarita bar and the most fabulous Mexican food. I'm in heaven. As I said, just can't wait to have a liquid lunch one of these days and go home and sleep it off. Good advice on not inviting the neighbors. LOL


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