# confused, am I a failure?



## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

Greetings hav friends 

As you all know we are on the journey towards therapy dog certification.

And I am actually having major second thoughts. NOT because I don't think we can't do it, but more because I didn't fully realize what I would have to do with regards to workshops/$$$$$$$/time/vet checks, etc ... if we could walk in and take the test, BRING IT. we could DO that, but all this other stuff (which I know is neccesary) I didn't know about till now. The workshop is ALL day this Sat. and Sun and honestly, with now working 5 days a week and then after school running all the errands, dropping off kids at lessons, clubs, girl scouts, not getting home till nearly 6, then trying to figure out dinner in a hurry ... I NEED this weekend to rest ... if I decide not to go ahead with therapy stuff because *I* can't do it, does that make me a failure? Does that make me selfish?
I love spending time with Tillie and I WANT to do this and KNOW that she would be amazing and bring so much joy to so many people, but I just don't know if I have enough of me to go around right now. 
I don't want to 'give up' at all. Like I said, if I COULD I would just go in and do the evaluation. and odds are, we would ROCK it, but unfortunatly it doesn't work that way.
Will you guys be disapointed with me if I can't make it happen? 
How much is TOO much for a person to do?


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## CarolWCamelo (Feb 15, 2012)

Oh, Tammy! I feel your pain ;-)

If it were me, I'd now BYPASS the idea of turning Tillie into a Therapy Dog. At least for now. Maybe if/when your schedule eases - a LOT!

Personally, I believe acting as a Therapy Dog can be very stressful for the dog, as well. So no great loss. I feel very sure Tillie can bring great pleasure to people just on the street, for instance, in chance encounters.

When I walk Camellia, I look for the possibilities chance encounters bring. I do that with no sense of pressure, and after our first two years together (it's been two years and a few weeks), I have to say, that has helped CAMELLIA a lot. I'm pretty good at sizing up the desires of passers-by, and estimating whether I want to expose Camellia to the people or not. Most people walking on our road are very acceptable, and some are especially good with dogs.

Always wishing you and Tillie well. I KNOW you're a hit (you and Tillie) here on the forum, and beileve you must be around home, too!

Big hugs,
Wed, 12 Sep 2012 21:00:25 (PDT)

Mummy! (00)

Yes, Camellia? ;-^

IT'S BEDTIME! See? I'm already sacked out on Our Bed. (00)

Oh, yeah, I see you there Camellia! Coming! ;-^


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## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

oh Carol you've brought tears to my eyes, thank you for your kind words... :tea:


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## marlowe'sgirl (Jun 17, 2010)

I *just* decided not to go through the whole therapy dog certification process because of the time/$$ it takes for certification and volunteering commitment expected. I know Marlowe could pass the test, but it would require a bit more intensive work to get him there (like not going to say hello to another dog we pass). I decided I'll just let him go visit and play with kids at at the park for now. Perhaps, I'll do it when my life is a bit less crazy; I'm like you and not twiddling my thumbs on the evenings/weekends looking for a good way to fill my time. Getting certified etc is one more thing I just don't think I can squeeze in at the moment. There's always next year!


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## Suzi (Oct 27, 2010)

Tammie you are not a failure you are tired. Maybe you will feel different by Friday. It sounds bad now but sometimes if you just make yourself do it by the time you get their you have new energy. Or maybe their will be another weekend next summer. Tillie will have lots of years left to take the test. Don't kick yourself your job running the house kids and work are enough for anyone . Give your self a pat on the back. Then again a weekend away from kids maybe just what you need. Ha Ha I'm confusing. :brick:


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## misstray (Feb 6, 2011)

OF course we wouldn't think you were a failure. If the reality is that it would be too much for you, with all that is expected, and then you were to go ahead and do it anyhow out of a sense of guilt or whatever, well something would end up suffering. There's only so much of us to go around. Personally, I think ME time is important. But I'm lazy.


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## whimsy (Apr 3, 2010)

Tammy...Don't beat yourself up over this! You are not a failure, but a busy Mom with not enough hours in the day. When you do have some spare time, it should be spent just relaxing and cuddling with your kids and Tillie on the couch! ( oh and maybe your husband too)


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## Sparkle (May 17, 2012)

Disappointed? Oh, heav#ens no! You & Tillie bring pleasure & smiles to us. Another place, another time maybe therapy dog will happen. Maybe not. But you love Tillie for being Tillie, not because she's passed her therapy cert. Just as we love you for just being you. Now go do your family thing this weekend & enjoy yourself!


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## Tuss (Apr 22, 2012)

You are not a failure. If you go into it with a stressed out attitude and it's just 'one more thing to be done on a busy schedule" then Tillie will sense your stress and it won't be fun.

There are lots of opportunities for unofficial therapy that you can take advantage of. Chance encounters when out walking, visiting sick friends and neighbors at home. I like to walk my 2 dogs around the university libraries at exam time and let all the stressed out students have a turn patting them!

Maybe the time will be right for you to do the therapy thing, but sounds like right now it's too much on your plate for you to enjoy it.


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## Jill in Mich (Feb 24, 2008)

You might want to check out Therapy Dogs, Inc. (different than Therapy Dogs International - TDI). They don't require all of the classes, $$, etc. You have to go and be tested and then do 3 supervised visits which are graded. If you pass, you can get registered.

Here's their website: http://www.therapydogs.com/

There are frequently local groups of TDInc. members who can help with finding an organization looking for therapy visits if you don't already have someplace in mind. Cody & Tess are both registered through TDInc.


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## lise (Sep 1, 2006)

OMG, I have waited until my kids have grown up and only a few years before retirement to hopefully try for a therapy dog. I can't imagine trying to do all this training and spend the $$$ when my girls were still home. All our extra $$$ went to sports and singing and acting classes and University. Our other dogs got basic obedience through the years and that was it. I commend you for even being brave enough to think of it. There will be a right time for you and Tillie or another Hav to do therapy, stress free. You are a successful Hav owner....how could you be a failure!!! 
Jill,thanks for the link . I will look up them to see how near chapter would be to me.


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## luv3havs (Jul 27, 2007)

Tammy,
It sounds like you have more than enough on your plate right now.
As people have said, Tillie can be a therapy dog just by making folks smile as you go places with her.
I am very involved with AAT but all my human kids are grown and I am retired. I have the time needed for all the open floors, workshops, evaluations, weekly baths for the dog etc. This is a major commitment and has become one of my hobbies.
I would never have had the time or money to commit to this when I was still raising children or while working.
When I think about it, none of our members have young school age kids. 
In a few years, when your children are older, you could reconsider.


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## Flynn Gentry-Taylor (Jan 17, 2008)

Someone on this forum encouraged me to do homecooked or raw diet for my two.
Someone on this forum shared all her experiences along the way fixing this diet.
Someone on this forum has shared her experiences with her dogs allergies.
Someone on this forum is always there when someone asks a question..
Someone on this forum shares some great photos of her precious little Havanese.
Someone on this forum shares information on bathing, toys, grooming products.
Wonder who this someone who has children, a job and many other things to do might be...Oh Tammy you are such a wonderful Havie Mother and person, don't ever worry anyone on this forum is going to be disappointed in you! Not going to happen. You can definitely look into the other Therapy dog classes and certification. Re-evaluate...why did you want Tillie to be a Therapy dog? What can she do anyway, without putting that extra money into certification? I have to agree being a therapy dog could be stressful. Having fun with Tillie means more, I think. Enjoying your whole balanced life is important too.. You are to be admired for all you do and no one is going to be disappointed in you. After all, you are Tillie's Mom~~! :grouphug::first:


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## The Laughing Magpie (Aug 20, 2009)

Tammy, When we try something and it does not work out, it does not make us failures, it makes us human. Our lives are busy when we have young familes, there is often little time to spend with our spouse. Many of the most sucessful people I have seen do these programs are older, we do TDI recertifications and the rule is if you use two dogs together they must pass the test together. A woman came in with two little dogs (mixed breed) these dogs worked together like a circus act...they were awesome and so was she, they do hospital work with children. She told me she is 80 (you would not know) she has been doing different types of this work since her late 60's, this is her second set of dogs...she says it gives her a purpose and reason to get up. I was blown away by her,four times a year we see lots of people testing, the point is she is in a time of life where she has time.

This is the time in your life where much time is spent enjoying your busy young family, Tillie is a big part of that and it's a big job for a little dog. Being able to realize when one is over committed is a wonderful balance trait, many people take years to develope this skill.


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## Flynn Gentry-Taylor (Jan 17, 2008)

The Laughing Magpie said:


> Tammy, When we try something and it does not work out, it does not make us failures, it makes us human. Our lives are busy when we have young familes, there is often little time to spend with our spouse. Many of the most sucessful people I have seen do these programs are older, we do TDI recertifications and the rule is if you use two dogs together they must pass the test together. A woman came in with two little dogs (mixed breed) these dogs worked together like a circus act...they were awesome and so was she, they do hospital work with children. She told me she is 80 (you would not know) she has been doing different types of this work since her late 60's, this is her second set of dogs...she says it gives her a purpose and reason to get up. I was blown away by her,four times a year we see lots of people testing, the point is she is in a time of life where she has time.
> 
> This is the time in your life where much time is spent enjoying your busy young family, Tillie is a big part of that and it's a big job for a little dog. Being able to realize when one is over committed is a wonderful balance trait, many people take years to develope this skill.


Nobody says it better! Great post, hope it makes Tammy feel better.


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## krandall (Jun 11, 2009)

Tammy, I didn't see this until now, but I agree COMPLETELY with everyone else. I couldn't have done it when my kids were the age yours are. HECK! I don't think I could do it NOW with a job and two young adult boys, one still in college, and both still at home. You are DEFINITELY not a failure... just sorting out your priorities.

And Miss Tillie is still SO young. This is not a "yes or no" question, it is a "maybe later?" question. If YOU really want to do it later, Tillie has MANY YEARS still ahead of her. But remember this is NOT important to Tillie. She is very happy being "therapy and support dog just to your wonderful family!

You are doing great work with Tillie, and I hope you continue to train with her, whether you do it in formal lessons or just on your own. But it doesn't have to be for the specific goal of passing a specific test at a specific time. Do it for the joy of working with your dog!

As far as this whole weekend thing is concerned, was this supposed to be WITH Tillie? Or was it just an instructional training for the handlers? If you were supposed to have Tillie there with you, I really think that is a LOT to expect of a young dog. I know that when I first started taking Kodi to trials, he was exhausted after a few hours in a trial environment for just one run. Never mind two full days! And it's not how much WORK they do during that time, it's just the stress of being in a strange environment for that long.

I learned this again when I took Kodi to his first agility trial. Since he's an old hand at obedience/rally trials now, I didn't realize that two days would be too much for him at an agility trial. While he did OK, he was DEFINITELY not at the top of his game the second day. I think it was just that it's a much different, more energy charged environment that obedience trials. When we do another agility trial, we'll just go for one day.

So, if it was supposed to be WITH Tille, you have that as an excuse. You can choose not to do it because it wouldn't be good for your dog! But *I* think, if it wouldn't be fun and ENERGIING for YOU, you shouldn't do it either!:hug:


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## krandall (Jun 11, 2009)

Oh, and Hi Carol!!! It's so nice to see you back again!!! We really miss you when you're not around. Kodi and I send hugs to Camellia and you too!:hug: (and Kodi says he'd be gentle enough that he wouldn't scare Miss Camellia!)


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## sprorchid (Mar 30, 2010)

Just for clarification, TDI and delta don't mandate 'classes', you can just BRING IT and take the dog to an assessment and pass. then you pick whatever opprotunities you want to to work with your dog.

That's what I did, all 3 of my dogs. no classes. and honestly, I did just barely enough visits to keep them certified. yes you do need to keep up on the vet stuff, and fecal. but well, minor compared to the cost of life and all the other things that could happen.

don't beat yourself up if you are too busy right now.


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## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

Thank you for all of your kind words, encouragment and things to think about! I was on the verge of tears reading your words. thank you, I needed that encouragment.

As far as Delta not requiring classes, they do. at least here. This big workshop that's coming up is manadtory, if we don't take it we don't 'pass' the evaulation. I could opt to do the online program, but feel that I wouldn't get as much out of that as actually going and doing and seeing everything in action, you know?

I will looking into TDI, not sure if they are in our area.


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## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

*thank you!*



Jill in Mich said:


> You might want to check out Therapy Dogs, Inc. (different than Therapy Dogs International - TDI). They don't require all of the classes, $$, etc. You have to go and be tested and then do 3 supervised visits which are graded. If you pass, you can get registered.
> 
> Here's their website: http://www.therapydogs.com/
> 
> There are frequently local groups of TDInc. members who can help with finding an organization looking for therapy visits if you don't already have someplace in mind. Cody & Tess are both registered through TDInc.


thank you for this link!! This looks MUCH more managable for sure!!
I will pray about it and talk to my husband and give the lady a call and see what happens! If not now, maybe next summer when I have more time..


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## krandall (Jun 11, 2009)

TilliesMom said:


> thank you for this link!! This looks MUCH more managable for sure!!
> I will pray about it and talk to my husband and give the lady a call and see what happens! If not now, maybe next summer when I have more time..


Honestly, Tammy, if you feel the need to pray about it, I think this may just be too much for you AT THIS TIME. (NOT "forever", just right now!) This is just NOT that big a deal. Your most important "job" right now is to raise the two fine young people that you have already put so much love and effort into. And part of THAT job is taking care of YOURSELF so that you can be at your best.:hug:


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## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

yes, thank you Karen, so very true.... 
i can't quite figure out why I am almost obssesed with this ... doesn't make sense to me, but I have this strong sense of urgency, like she HAS to get certified... but I don't know why I feel that way...?


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## krandall (Jun 11, 2009)

TilliesMom said:


> yes, thank you Karen, so very true....
> i can't quite figure out why I am almost obssesed with this ... doesn't make sense to me, but I have this strong sense of urgency, like she HAS to get certified... but I don't know why I feel that way...?


I know what... WE'LL send you a "certificate" as one of the "Top Dog Moms" on the forum!!!:whoo:


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## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

ound:


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## sprorchid (Mar 30, 2010)

way back in the day, 5 yrs ago, Delta didn't mandate classes. I think it's a way to generate revenue.

TDI:

http://www.tdi-dog.org/howtojoinupcomingtests.aspx


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## motherslittlehelper (Mar 18, 2010)

Tammy, you have gotten so many wise wonderful responses here. You are not going to find anyone here who will think you are a failure. You have such a good heart and you have done such a wonderful job with Tillie that she has turned into this amazing dog who is so happy and brings such joy that it makes sense you want to share it and bring joy to others too. That is who you are. With your children and their activities, working, spending time with your husband and caring for Tillie, your plate is overflowing. I think it was Robbie who talked about being able to recognize when one has overcommitted. I did not know how to do this when I was younger, and it took a toll - it has taken years for me to learn. What I learned is that if you have every minute of your day scheduled and accounted for, always busy running to the next activity or commitment, there is not time to savor any of it. Do as others have mentioned, take Tillie out and about with you and your children, let her be an ambassador and spread her good cheer and happy nature with the people you meet. You don't know but what someone is going through a perfectly horrendous time, unbeknownst to you, but you will have made a difference in their day. You don't want to end up being the one needing therapy by overstretching yourself. Meanwhile, enjoy every minute with your family and Tillie. People need some down time. One day, and it will happen before you realize it, your children will be grown and will have moved on. Take time to enjoy your family fully now and not spread yourself too thin.

Augie and I went through the training and evaluation for Delta Society a year and a half ago. Delta Soc. refers to their teams as Pet Partners. He was still a bit too exuberant at that time - he has mellowed considerably over the past year or so. There was a day of training without the dog present, and then we tested a week or two later - can't remember now. While the training took pretty much all of one day, I thought it was very worthwhile to go. It opened my eyes to a lot of possibilities one might encounter in a variety of scenarios, the types of people you may encounter and how to deal with obnoxious people - because we were told you do encounter them - people who are afraid of dogs, people who grab at your dogs, employees in a facility arguing, people who get in your face and demand your attention - it was very eye opening and I thought the training was invaluable for the work a partner team would be involved in. It covered how your first responsibility is ALWAYS to your dog, and covered how to recognize the signs of a dog who is stressed. Also the legal possibilities. Of having your own liability insurance. If anyone is considering going into therapy/pet partner work, I would HIGHLY recommend attending the training session whether it is mandatory or not. Even though Augie and I didn't pass the evaluation at that time, and it cost a chunk of change to find out we were not ready, the information I gained was worth the time spent. I felt that some things could have been handled better, but it was a learning experience for sure.


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## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

sprorchid said:


> way back in the day, 5 yrs ago, Delta didn't mandate classes. I think it's a way to generate revenue.
> 
> TDI:
> 
> http://www.tdi-dog.org/howtojoinupcomingtests.aspx


thanks for the link!
Ya, for some reason I hadn't done really IN depth research on Delta till yesterday and was shocked at how much $$ it was going to end up costing, on top of, of course my time... that was just the kicker.  
When the time comes, I will surely either do TDInc or TDI, I am liking what I see with regards to TDInc, but will look into TDI also. thank you! 
I was honestly shocked to find an evaluator in my area for the TDInc evaluation.
Either way, I will be waiting for now, I owe that to myself, my kids and Tillie. What little down time we have right now should be used for fun.


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## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

thank you Linda, for sharing your experience! I can totally see how the Pet Partners class is very beneficial, when the time comes, when I HAVE time I will gladly take that course, weather I go through Delta or not. 
Do you think Finn would pass?? ound:


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## motherslittlehelper (Mar 18, 2010)

sprorchid said:


> way back in the day, 5 yrs ago, Delta didn't mandate classes. I think it's a way to generate revenue.
> 
> TDI:
> 
> http://www.tdi-dog.org/howtojoinupcomingtests.aspx


I think the sue-happy society we live in probably has something to do with this. Their liability insurance may require it - wouldn't be a bit surprised. In my post above, I talked about the training session. I did not find it a waste of time - I learned a lot of things that day that are useful whether we are Pet Partners or not. There were some things I was not impressed with at the time - I think it could have been handled a bit better - as in getting the manual before the class day, so we could have read it and had questions answered during the training session. But I can definitely see why the training is mandatory.


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## motherslittlehelper (Mar 18, 2010)

TilliesMom said:


> thank you Linda, for sharing your experience! I can totally see how the Pet Partners class is very beneficial, when the time comes, when I HAVE time I will gladly take that course, weather I go through Delta or not.
> Do you think Finn would pass?? ound:


Now, Tammy, why are you laughing at the thought of Finn passing??? ound: Well, no he wouldn't at this point in his little rambunctious life, but I think when he matures, he is going to be the more loving of my two boys.

I also have another thought on the training sessions. From the perspective of the organization, I would not want people out there representing me who had not been trained. During the training, the evaluator also gets a chance to observe the person, how they interact with people, how they deal with the mock scenarios during the session.

In our local paper yesterday, there was a story about a partner team that volunteers at our hospital. Had we passed, that is what Augie and I were being trained for. The little dog is a French bulldog. I will see if I can find the article here and post a link.

http://tdn.com/mobile/article_7c09faee-fbac-11e1-9dc3-0019bb2963f4.html


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## krandall (Jun 11, 2009)

TilliesMom said:


> thanks for the link!
> Ya, for some reason I hadn't done really IN depth research on Delta till yesterday and was shocked at how much $$ it was going to end up costing, on top of, of course my time... that was just the kicker.
> When the time comes, I will surely either do TDInc or TDI, I am liking what I see with regards to TDInc, but will look into TDI also. thank you!
> I was honestly shocked to find an evaluator in my area for the TDInc evaluation.
> Either way, I will be waiting for now, I owe that to myself, my kids and Tillie. What little down time we have right now should be used for fun.


:whoo:Good for you! Wise decision, and I hope you feel GOOD about it!:whoo:


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## davetgabby (Dec 29, 2007)

Where the hell did this thread come from. ? \I swear somethings wrong with either the forum or my end. I didn't see this one at all. I'm getting double notifications of posts that I'm subscribed to as well. Any who., Tammy, don't rush anything when it comes to yourself or your Tilley. It's like trying to train a dog when he's stressed out. It doesn't work. If this is meant to be it will happen. If not , no big deal. We will love you two for all you've done here. You and Tillie are already our therapists.


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## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

lol, thanks Dave 

Karen, I feel relieved about my desicion, a little sad, but relieved. I have been planning on doing this this fall for nearly a year now. 
I look forward to the future and when we CAN make it work ... we will continue our training and working on things we struggle with, so when the time comes there will be no doubt that we are ready.


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## krandall (Jun 11, 2009)

Good for you, Tammy!


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## Luciledodd (Sep 5, 2009)

Tammy, I had two boys in my thirties and a DH that went bankrupt. I had to go out in the field with him and learn to be a land surveyor. I no longer had time for the two boys. (the girls wer gone by now). I had a choice, feed the kids by working or stay at home and take them to ball practice and all the other stuff. Well I chose feed the kids and guess what, they grew up to be chrisstian men, one that is an elder in his church and just returned from Afghanistan and the other that is head of the Memphis transportation department for a hugh firm. So when Rosie needs me and I don't feel good, I tell her to lay down beside me and life will be good in the end. We can't do all the things that modern women are trying to do and besides I am to old now to do any thing.


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## CarolWCamelo (Feb 15, 2012)

TilliesMom said:


> oh Carol you've brought tears to my eyes, thank you for your kind words... :tea:


Tammy - not kind words - TRUE words! Dogs are just wonderful and fascinating creatures - and, of course, we here find Havanese very special ones. I know that after a lot, lot, lot of study - and practice and experience, I found that the greatest joy I could get from a dog comes from allowing the dog to be the dog it is - and - nurturing that being - of course, with some teaching of sorts necessary to keep the dog safe and well. (I've even given up using the idea of "training," as THAT word has become a bit off for me, after lots of experiences with - ummm - not-very-good, and sometimes, rather bad, trainers.

Camellia gives me lots of joy. And - well, being here does the same for me, though these days I'm very distracted because I'm digging into my musical past - very time-consuming, but fun.

So now, I'm going to go find out what you said next!

Big hugs to you and Tillie! Camellia sends her greetings, too.

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 21:52:00 (PDT)


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## CarolWCamelo (Feb 15, 2012)

krandall said:


> Oh, and Hi Carol!!! It's so nice to see you back again!!! We really miss you when you're not around. Kodi and I send hugs to Camellia and you too!:hug: (and Kodi says he'd be gentle enough that he wouldn't scare Miss Camellia!)


You're always with me, even when I'm not here directly; my heart is here with all of you - Camellia's, too. When I can get here earlier in the day, I have a nice report on Camellia - I believe she'd get along with Kodi! I can say that now; she's made ONE dog-friend! Report sometime along the way.

And back to Tammy and TIllie - I'm catching up on the thread - and -what a wonderful thread it is - so many excellent posts!

Camellia has settled in her crate - she began using it a few months ago for the first time; now she likes to sleep there at night, and sometimes during the day. Interesting!

Another remark for you, Tammy. Official Therapy Dogs certainly do wonderful work (and Jill, thanks for that alternative; I didn't know about that). Yet - even dogs totally untrained for "therapy" do WONDERFUL therapy work with humans of many kinds and ages - isn't that right, Tammy? I adore Havanese - such clowns by nature! And (from another thread, about a dog who sniffs a lot and ignores the owner and other dogs) - some Havanese, like some other dogs as well, are less obviously responsive to their owners. Constant sniffing may just be reading the news - and settling the dog - and, as you yourself said, Karen-and-Kodi, it can be a message to other dogs - and to self - I'm staying calm and busy. Not wanting to socialize right now.

Yet - dogs get so much out of each other, even if they aren't obviously playing together - just being on a walk-along together, or with family - is inherently very satisfying for most dogs.

There I go rambling again! Special greetings to you, Tammy and Tillie.

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 22:23:12 (PDT) - very late for us!


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## CarolWCamelo (Feb 15, 2012)

TilliesMom said:


> yes, thank you Karen, so very true....
> i can't quite figure out why I am almost obssesed with this ... doesn't make sense to me, but I have this strong sense of urgency, like she HAS to get certified... but I don't know why I feel that way...?


Tammy - I wonder if maybe you feel a need for some kind of certification - of a sort that gives you and Tillie a kind of official recognition - a seal that says you and Tillie are as good as you think you might be?

I'm getting a bit of an impression of something like that.

Well, let me say this. If that's what you're feeling (you remark on a kind of obsession) - I believe you'd be much better off knowing that you and Tillie are very thoroughly recognized as having the most wonderful qualities - right here on the forum. And that shows in this thread, and in other threads, too.

I believe you get better and more thorough seal-of-approval right here on the forum than you could possibly get with a Therapy Dog certification of any sort. Because here, we're sharing large parts of our lives, together.

So what I'm hoping you can get out of this thread is a kind of relaxation that frees you from the obsession. I'll think about what kind of assignment I could give you to help you discover the excellenceness (what a word!) that could reveal to you - to YOU - the combined seals of approval that could substitute for a therapy-dog-certification for the next however-many-years.

Maybe what you could use would be an ability to step outside yourself (in a way) during the various events of the day - long enough to look at Tillie - and yourself - as though from outside - without too many distractions getting in your way. If you were to do that, I think you'd begin to see SOMETHING that could relieve the sense of obsession. It will take a conscious effort on your part, and you won't be able to do it WHILE under distraction (of getting through daily routines, for instance).

It's not that much fun feeling obsessed - I have short periods of that sort of thing, worst, when I'm busier than I like to be, and have to rush to get things done. I don't like rushing ;-)

Maybe if you can pretend for a few minutes that you don't know Tillie, and are just meeting her for the first time, you could develop a fresh eye for what her dogality is. Hehe; that should be a lovely experience for you. from everything I've read here in the past, Tillie stacks up as being a fabulous Havanese with a fabulous owner ;-)

And I'm not sure what to do about unrequited wants; hahaha!

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 22:39:30 (PDT)

Camellia says, Untie their shoelaces - those of the unrequited wants. (00)


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## CarolWCamelo (Feb 15, 2012)

I had one more idea, Tammy. I wonder, considering what a busy life you have with children, hubby and dog, whether MAYBE what you're missing is a certain kind of in-person (in-dogon) feedback.

We humans, I believe, really need feedback. For me, old as I am, a little feedback goes a very long way, and it helps that I recognize it easily - yet - had never expected the feedback. On a forum, it's not such an intense thing, but in-person, it can be sudden, surprising, and very intense - very powerful.

I'd guess you don't have quite enough time for rest and relaxation for yourself (even before planning any Therapy-Dog work). If you could find a once-a-week time for you and Tillie just to go out together, maybe to visit some friend, that, it seems to me, could possibly allow an unexpected feedback from friend - or even stranger, if you go for a walk.

The feedback could be any remark about Tillie, or about you and Tillie. And - it's likely to be sweet!

So, if you can plan a bit of free time for you and Tillie, maybe to go out and about for a bit, that MIGHT assist with dispersing your current feeling of obsession - and relieve you of it!

I could be all off!

With that, I'm off to beddy-bye!

ABOUT TIME, MUMMY! (00)

Okay, Camellia. Say goodnight to Tillie and Tammy, and all the others here! ;-^

Good night, All! (00) ;-^
Thu, 13 Sep 2012 23:04:22 (PDT)


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## HavaneseSoon (Nov 4, 2008)

Never a failure in my eyes ! You love your baby and are taking care of her and that is the most important part of her life. Another time or another Hav! We love you no matter what!


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## lfung5 (Jun 30, 2007)

You are absolutely not a failure! You have so much on your plate and you still make Tillie a part of your family. I can see through your posts how much you love and adore her!! Don't beat yourself up.


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## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

thank you all for your kind, understand words and thoughts :grouphug:

Carol, I def. think you are right, I AM searching for validation or something. The need to be 'accepted' and the desire for everyone around me to acknowledge how amazing Tillie is and how good (ahem) we are as a team.... embarassing to admit, but most likely true.
I DO take her out VERY frequently (3-4 times a week) and we do get very positive comments from people, but for some reason it isn't 'enough' ... weird. not sure why I feel the need to 'prove' myself or Tillie for that matter.
For now I am just trying to find a balance for all of us that works and attempting to adust to working so much and still meeting everyone needs.

I am planning on a taking a 'clicker tricks' class with out trainer next time she offers it, that should be a good time for us to work together and learn some fun tricks.


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## jessegirl (May 13, 2011)

No! Of course not! There are always things we could be doing (with our dogs, with our kids -well, I don't have any, but you know - with our careers) but we can't do it all. And we can't feel guilty just because we're not living up to the example of whoever-is-amazing. Those other things that you're doing are important. Family, work - all important and wonderful. You've already done a whole lot more than a lot of people too.

If you love working with Tillie, then do that part. Maybe you'll have more time and energy later on. In the meantime, keep showing us pics of your beautiful girl, b/c we love her no matter what her job is.


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## Missy (Nov 6, 2006)

Awww Tammy. Never a failure. You do so much with Tillie. And to have young children as well, and a full time job. I am in awe of people who have kids, a dog and who work and still have time to be such a wonderful member of the forum community.


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## Diann (Apr 25, 2011)

Tammy, I just wanted to chime in since we just got our certification. My DD left for college right before we had our "therapy" training. I was concerned about missing her but I am almost ashamed to say I have been to busy to miss her (and she wants to call on the phone ALL the time). Bathing and grooming, fund raisers, obedience training, etc. has got us so darn busy. Some times I don't even see my husband until 9 at night. I love it, but know there is no way I could have done it before my daughter left the house, even as a very independent teenager. 

We have been specifically trained for hospice therapy. We had to have impeccable "manners" (obedience) and then I (without Lucy) had several hours of hospice training. The day Lucy had her "bedside" training, it was an 8 hour class. Like someone else said, it was exhausting. Both Lucy and I were so tired of each other by the end of the day. 8 hours of being literally attached together with a leash on our best behavior is very tiring. I had wanted a therapy dog 15 years ago but it didn't happen, I was in the same place as you are in now. it sound like this it's a passion for you now, so it won't go away and one day this dream of yours will come true.


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## CarolWCamelo (Feb 15, 2012)

TilliesMom said:


> thank you all for your kind, understand words and thoughts :grouphug:
> 
> Carol, I def. think you are right, I AM searching for validation or something. The need to be 'accepted' and the desire for everyone around me to acknowledge how amazing Tillie is and how good (ahem) we are as a team.... embarassing to admit, but most likely true.
> I DO take her out VERY frequently (3-4 times a week) and we do get very positive comments from people, but for some reason it isn't 'enough' ... weird. not sure why I feel the need to 'prove' myself or Tillie for that matter.
> ...


A clicker-tricks class should be fun. When I use a clicker with Camellia, that's how I use it. For tricks. I gave up using it otherwise, as it seems to be the wrong stimulation for Camellia.

I use treats (clicker-size - tiny) as rewards (and I "mark" the behavior with verbal or body-language cues instead of the click, as there's little precision needed). And I use treats as safety cues at times; these are treats I give routinely to mark off certain routines during the day.

I'm well-versed in clicker theory and practice, and that helps me make decisions about using the clicker.

Now I have more thoughts. Looks to me as though feedback is what you're missing. I think it's there, and you're not seeing it. I suspect you need some feedback from different sources - from your peers, perhaps not just in this forum, which is so friendly and encompassing that you're unlikely ever to get told off here HAHAHA! So maybe feedback from here isn't very real to you. Also, you're in overload, and that can easily stop you from seeing feedback that's present.

I think it will be those chance encounters that develop for you the feedback that you need. WE ALL NEED FEEDBACK! It's a need humans - and dogs - have!

Somewhere underneath, I have more thoughts as well, but will have to wait till they pop out properly so I can write about them!

Hugs,
Sat, 15 Sep 2012 06:43:42 (PDT)


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## CarolWCamelo (Feb 15, 2012)

Tammy - I've had some more thoughts.

I wonder if what you're wanting is some kind of official standard to measure yourself - with Tillie - by. That's a feeling I'm getting.

I've been through the academic mill - same idea (but also, I learned a lot along the way - stuff I really wanted to learn, and that was my primary objective).

I came out at the other end in some ways greatly disappointed, as I learned that there is no useful absolute standard - NONE! among the useful things I learned was this: we can measure ourselves by interchanges in the real world - and - places like this forum.

This really is a wonderful forum. Most of the posts are purposely friendly and supportive, but it you need real measurement, you can, in fact, get it here - because we have a wide range of people-with-Havanese, as well as people with some other dogs as well.

So maybe part of your difficulty (if I'm right about your needing some kind of official standard of measurement) - is that - there isn't one! Yet, in my estimation, this forum provides you with the best possible.

Notice the variety of responses you have, even in this thread only. This thread provides a good idea of what might be involved in doing Therapy-Dog measurement.

So, what I'll suggest at this point is that you pay close attention to responses to your posts - in all areas, not just this one. And that, during your walks where you get chance encounters (among the best sorts of feedback that YOU CAN USE FOR MEASUREMENT) - you practice reading the other humans (and dogs). At this stage, you need to learn to trust your impressions. You can check up on yourself whether your impressions are pretty well correct or not - going by the behavior of those you encounter by chance. 

Combine the results of chance encounters with what you get here on the forum, and you have - not an official standard of measurement (and those are usually greatly lacking in effectiveness and accuracy), but - in the unofficial, everyday interchanges (forum and chance-encounter) - where you're exposed to many data points which, put together, give you an excellent source of feedback-information. And I'll bet you anything your data from those two sources end up being more accurate than any other data.

This means you have to learn to trust your impressions. It's usually possible to test them in some way.

To test, just ask yourself, "What if ...." - including, "What if I"m wrong?" I always ask myself that. Yet - when I put my trust in the results from occasional (not-chance) and chance encounters, when I'm given feedback, THAT is where I get the data that serve me (and Camellia) well. Testing, I find a lot of accuracy.

Official standards are usually lacking in some of the essences of living with dogs. And it's living with dogs that counts!

Lots of love and hugs,
Sat, 15 Sep 2012 08:40:49 (PDT)


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## TilliesMom (Sep 30, 2010)

Thank you for all your thoughts Carol!!

I DO appreciate all of the posts and enouragment and thoughts that my friends here on the forum hav offered me! I listen to those with my heart and am truly grateful and thankful that they seem to know me (and Tillie) even if it is 'only' through the computer!!


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